Break the rules

Part 42

My skin was almost white by the time I got in the car, I had been shivering in the cold for over 2 hours. I thanked god that the car was warm. I placed my hands over the hot air and tried my warm up. I dropped my shoes  by my feet and sighed in relief. I had been so scared, I was cold and alone in a strange place. I had seen some shifty characters so I had taken refuge in a takeaway shop until my lift had arrived.

"Put my jacket over you, Jesus Lana your freezing" Ryan said as he placed his thick jacket over me.

I looked up at him and saw his swollen and bloody face and just started to weep.

"Thank you for coming. I didn't know what to do" I sobbed.

"I'll always be here for you, where do you want to go" he was heading towards Leeds city centre. I didn't want him to go home and be alone I just wanted to sleep .

" can you take me to hotel, I will get my dad to pick me up in the morning"  I was feeling so guilty for dragging him all the way out here for me to just go to a hotel. I could have just called a cab, it would have saved more time.

" ok I can do that, we could get a twin room. I'm pretty tired too. We could talk" I was surprised that he actually sounded sincere. It didn't seem like there was any ulterior motive. 

"Ok but just to talk" I repeated.

"Yes Lana , I may love you but I can control myself" he joked.

"What were you doing when I called" I hoped I hadn't dragged him away from his girlfriend.

"I was just talking to Hayley about the house"

"Is Hayley your fiancé " I asked.

Ryan was quiet for a minute before he finally replied. "Ex, we broke up the week before the London trip"

"But that was before she turned up at school" I was confused. It was the mention of his girlfriend that had sent me running out of the fire exit the last time we were alone.

"She was moving her things out of the house, her aunt works in the school office and we hadn't told anyone that we had split . So she just said she was my girlfriend " I wasn't sure if I should believe him but I found that for some unknown reason I was.

"Why did you break up" I asked

"Things were getting serious with you and I knew I loved you. I didn't want her anymore and it was unfair to string her along" he replied with a shrug.

"I've booked us in at the travel lodge at the end of town" I said interrupting him. I imputed the address in the sat nav and waited for it to come to life.

"Lana I've told you I love you twice now and both times you acted like you didn't hear it" Ryan sounded hurt. He wasn't as strong and heartless as I had once assumed.

I didn't know what to say, I knew I had loved Ryan but whether the feelings were still there or not I wasn't sure.

"I don't know what to say, I would have given anything to hear you say that 3 months ago but now I'm not sure what it means"

I watched as he swallowed the invisible lump in his throat, he was in the same boat as me there weren't words that described what we were.

"Let me just be your friend tonight, I won't do anything that could remotely be considered flirty." Ryan promised. His sexy smile was back on his face. That was the smile that had haunted my dreams for months. I could lie to him but I couldn't lie to myself, I knew I loved him . I doubted that feeling I got when I saw him smile would ever go away.

Tonight wasn't about Ryan it was about me and oli and how he had ripped my heart in two. I had seen a few missed calls and messaged from him on my phone but I couldn't bear to even look at them. I explained to Ryan what Oli had said and he just listened and nodded. He let me tell him the whole chain of events without even opening his mouth.

"He said all that in front of his family" Ryan was shaking his head. If it were possible I would think he was as angry as me.

"I felt so small, he never let me speak. He just made me sound like a cheating slag" the tears had gone, they had been replaced by anger. The more I thought about his actions the angrier I got. Even later when I thought about it I couldn't understand how it all really affected him. There really wasn't any reason for him to behave the way he did. It wasn't as though I had cheated.

Ryan and I walked into the large hotel lobby and checked in our room. I sent my dad a message saying I had used the credit card he had given me to book into a hotel as oli and I had been arguing. The last thing I wanted was for oli to tell him I was missing or for him to know I was with Ryan. None of them would believe that nothing more than friendship was between us that night.

I Hobbled to our room in my heels, my feet were sore but I wasn't sure it would have been a great idea to walk through the lobby with bare feet.

The hotel room was small but had two single beds I hadn't thought about this as much as I had thought. I had nothing to sleep in except my thong. That would hardly be platonic.

"Here " Ryan said handing me his t shirt. It was like he had read my mind.  I went to the bathroom and washed the makeup from my face and changed into the top. I breathed deep and my nostrils were filled with his scent, I had missed it. We may have had a sexual relationship but there had also been a friendship, I had really missed him.

I emerged from the bathroom to see Ryan under the covers in his bed. He was propped up on his elbows and facing my bed.

I snuggled under my covers and wept, we talked and talked until sleep finally took over. I knew that I finally had closure. I wasn't sure what would happen between me and Ryan in the future but I knew I wasn't hurt anymore. I just needed to speak to oli and decide where we stood. That was a decision I was leaving to another day.