Unbroken

Chapter 21

Loki stayed sitting in bed until he didn't want to be in that room anymore. He had sat there for hours just thinking about what Odin had said. He had once been one choice away from having a good life, but he didn't get it. He couldn't get his head around the fact that all his pain didn't have to happen, it would've been avoided if Odin had just killed him when he was a baby. he felt like he was going to be sick every time he thought about it. After a little while he had a headache from thinking about it and trying not to break down from the weight of what he was feeling. He wanted to scream in frustration but he knew someone would hear him and he'd get in trouble, and his whole body trembled as he fought to hold back his expressions of pain. He thought about Thor, he could've been like Thor; confident, strong, loved and courageous, but he was the exact opposite of all that, Laufey had made him into a thing, a piece of property that was only good for labor and cruel entertainment.
Loki looked around the room, he didn't want to be in here anymore, he didn't like it. It was too big, too nice, not fit for something like him, so he got up and stumbled out to the balcony to breath.
As soon as he was out he sat down again with his back to the doors so he could face the slight breeze, it was refreshing and had become a bit calming for him.
He knew in his head hat Odin had done the right thing in leaving him, but he couldn't help being a bit angry... didn't Odin know Laufey was a bad person? How could he just leave him there like that? Odin had him and-
his thoughts were interrupted when he heard the balcony doors opening. He jerked around to see who was there and saw Frigga. He scrambled to his feet, hoping she wasn't upset that he'd left the room.
"It's okay, I'll sit down too" she said as she made him sit down again with her. "Are you alright sweetheart?" She asked as she put and arm around his shoulders. He sighed deeply and swallowed hard, he didn't know how to answer that at the moment.
"I know you're probably very mad right now, but Odin really did think he was doing the best thing" she said after a long moment of silence.
Loki took another deep breath and tried to stop his hands from shaking so badly.
"I'm Not- I know he-" he didn't know what the end of his sentence was or how to put what he was thinking into words.
"Do you want to talk about it? You can talk to me seeetie" she said, she knew he had a thousand thoughts going through his mind but wasn't comfortable saying anything. He still had his eyes locked on the floor and she hoped he wasn't still scared of her.
"I don't want you to be afraid of me Loki... I know you can't believe this but you are loved here" she said. Loki shook his head.
"You dont- you- you barely- know me" he stuttered, feeling his throat closing. Frigga put her hand on his face and made him look at her, she could see that his eyes were glassy from trying not to let tears fall.
"It doesn't matter. You're here now, you're not a slave or a possession, we care about you and I want you to trust me." She said. Loki looked at her blankly for a moment, but then the look of a truly broken soul took over his face.
"I don't- I can't....  I've- I only know pain" he said weakly. Frigga tried to think of something to say but lost her words, instead she just leaned over and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. He tensed, he wasn't used to this feeling at all.
"Loki... Do me a favor" she said. Loki thought she was going to give him a job to do around the palace, but he was very wrong. "Pretend I'm not here. Pretend no one is here, stop trying to hide what you're feeling." She said. He shut his eyes tightly.
"What- what does that mean? What do- do I do?" He asked Into her shoulder. She pulled him back just enough so she could see his face, she cupped both his cheeks and smiled sadly.
"How about you let yourself cry for once?" She said. He swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat, he parted his lips to say something else but his voice failed him and he couldn't hold himself together anymore.
He covered his face with his hands as he felt tears streaming from his eyes, Frigga put her arms around him again and held him close to her in another tight hug. He moved his hands from his face and put them tightly around her, clinging to her like he'd never been allowed to cling to anyone before. Frigga could feel him shaking and knew he was crying silently.
"It's okay Loki.... you'll be okay" she whispered as she stroked his back and kissed his temple.
After a few minutes she pulled him back again, his eyes were red and swollen from the tears and his cheeks were damp, he was tired and his head was now throbbing, but strangely he felt better.... he had never known what it was to be comforted, but it felt good to be able to fall and have someone catch him. Frigga smiled sadly again and wiped the tears off his face with her thumbs.
"You'll be okay" she said "you're stronger than you think, not many people would've been able to live through the life you've had, you'll be able to get past it" she told him as she raked his hair back with her fingers. Loki was still trembling, but not out of fear this time, he was just feeling way too many emotions at once and it was causing him to tremble.
"I don't- I don't even know what- what it's like to- to be okay" Loki mumbled.
"I know.... I know it's strange and intimidating... and I don't expect you to trust everyone right away, It'll take you a while before you can trust people. But can you at least trust me now? Even if you're still terrified around everyone else can you at least see that I'm on your side? That I'm not an enemy?" She asked him. She saw his jaw clinching again but after a minute he nodded slightly.
"I- I can try" he said with a soft voice, she smiled and gave him another quick hug.
"Well that's all I ask for" she said.
"Come on now, its late and you should sleep" she said as she helped him to his feet and brought him back into the room, he was more calm now and was realizing again how amazing this room was, it was far to nice for him. he still felt that he didn't fit and he wasn't very comfortable with calling this room his own. Nevertheless he didn't fight Frigga off when she helped him put on clothes for sleeping and had him lay down in bed. His eyes looked tired and heavy, and even though he clearly had a lot on his mind Frigga could tell he was already falling asleep, he was probably exhausted from thinking about so many things.
"If you wake up in the night for any reason come and tell me alright?" She said In a whisper. Loki only nodded as he closed his eyes. He felt Frigga put a light blanket over him, then the room went dark as she closed the curtains and turned down all the lights. After that she left the room.
"How is he?" Thor was standing outside the room, he had come right after Odin told him what had happened.
"He's... well, he's actually better than he should be. I don't think any of us truly understand what kind of life he's had, I give him credit for even being alive with any amount of sanity. But as far as how he's taking what Odin told him... I think he'll be fine, he just needs a while to process it" she explained to him. Thor nodded a bit.
"How is he physically? People are starting to wonder who he is, I was going to take him around and start introducing him to people, think he's ready for that?" He asked.
"I don't know, Maybe.. ask him if he wants to, it's up to him" she said. Thor nodded a bit. "In the morning though, he's far too exhausted right now" he added quickly. He needed sleep and he shouldn't have Thor bombarding with with questions right now. Hopefully by morning he would feel better and be up for leaving the palace.