Unbroken

Chapter 28

Everyone in the room shot a quick glance to Loki, but he looked so out of place that no one said anything.
"Thor you should've come earlier" Volstagg said "You just missed Fandral telling the funniest story" he added, getting everyone's attention away from Loki and back onto the previous topic for the time being. Thor smirked a bit.
"I'm sure he'll have another story to tell soon enough, he's always making a fool of himself" he said with a joking tone, earning laughs from everyone except Fandral, who didn't find the remark at all entertaining, and Hogun, who was starting to intimidate Loki because he was still looking at him. Thor noticed Hogun still looking at Loki with a rather cold stare and knew that loki wasn't happy about it.
"Oh, Hogun, Volstagg, this is Loki" Thor said casually like he was introducing an old friend "Loki this is Volstagg and Hogun" he added as he gestured to each of them as he said their names.
"Oh you're Loki, Fandral was telling me about you earlier" Volstagg said. Loki wasn't sure what he was supposed to say to that.
"He- why?" He asked, not sure what Fandral had said.
"He just mentioned what you did with the crossbow. Nice work" Volstagg said. Again, Loki didn't know what he was supposed to say.
"It- it's not anything important" he mumbled.
"Sure it is, none of us thought to do that. Any other tricks you want to share with us?" He asked, not knowing that loki would rather be left alone. Thor hadn't gone into much detail with his friends about Loki's life, he only said that he was abused by his father Laufey, and that Frigga and Odin convinced Laufey to hand him over to them. So Sif and the warriors didn't know that he wanted to be left alone, they assumed he'd want to have people be friendly with him.
"I don't- I'm not- there's nothing else" Loki said, clearly sounding flustered, thankfully Volstagg got the hint; he wasn't a conversationalist. Hogun, however, still hadn't stopped looking at him, he was trying to figure him out.
"Hogun leave him alone" Sif said "he is neither a decoration nor your girlfriend, so there is no reason for you to be starring at him" she said, her tone was slightly sarcastic but it was also obvious that she wasn't joking.
"My apologies Loki, you're just a bit difficult to read" Hogun said, finally taking his eyes off him. Loki didn't say anything, and the room quickly became quite tense. No one really knew what to say or do, should they just ignore Loki? He wasn't very chatty, but they didn't want him to think they were casting him aside either. Thor quickly shot a look to Fandral who was the best at brightening the mood, Fandral took the cue and grinned again.
"Did I every tell any of you about he time I set someone up on a 'blind date' with myself?" Fandral asked with a smirk, Sif rolled her eyes.
"No, but that sounds like something you'd do" and the attention immediately went from Loki back to Fandral, and the tension in the room evaporated.
Fandral told his story and got everyone laughing again, and then they all went back and fourth telling their own stories or jokes. Loki was much more comfortable now that the attention wasn't on him anymore, and he found the sound of their laughter to be oddly comforting. He never really liked it when people laughed before, but that was because the only time he'd heard anyone laughing was when Laufey or his men were ganging up on him and either beating him or finding some entertaining way of humiliating him. The only laughter he'd ever heard before now was mocking laughter directed at him. But now he was hearing a different kind of laughter, and it was much more friendly.
After a few minutes of talking and laughing, Fandral went for his drink and realized his glass was empty.
"Ugh I'm out of wine" he complained, no one was really paying attention because he was mostly talking to himself, but loki heard him and immediately stood up and took Fandral's cup to go fill it again.
"I'm sorry" he said, seeming a bit anxious. "I didn't realize it was empty, what wine did you have?" He asked Fandral, immediately everyone was looking at him again, and they were looking at him like he was crazy.
On Jotunhiem Loki was forced to stand off to the side during meals and make sure that Laufey and his guests never ran out of food or drink, if he saw someone's cup running low he would quickly go refill it before they noticed it had ever been low. He didn't realize he wasn't supposed to do the same here on Asgard, and he instinctively got up to do his job when Fandral complained about his empty cup.
"Oh, uh... it's fine, you don't need to do that. One of the servants will be coming around in a few minutes" he said, trying not to show that he thought Loki was out of his mind. Loki quickly realized that he'd made a big mistake he instantly felt stupid. Everyone, even Thor, was looking at him with puzzled looks and everyone had fallen silent, he knew they all thought he was an idiot, but he'd only done what he thought he was supposed to do.
"Sorry" he mumbled quietly as he put the wine glass back down on the table and then took his seat again. He had his eyes fixed on the floor now to try to escape their stares, but he could still feel them looking at him, and he knew he'd given Thor second hand embarrassment so he was waiting for him to make a joke at his expense.
He wished he knew what he was supposed to do, he was still confused and wasn't sure what people expected of him, but he kept doing things wrong and it was worrying him, Thor and Frigga and Odin won't put up with him and his mistakes forever, what would they do once he'd exhausted their forgiveness? He hated Jotunhiem and Laufey, but at least there he knew what to expect.
"No need to be sorry" Fandral said in a light, casual tone, trying to preserve the the mood that had been in the room a few minutes ago, though it seemed to have been lost when Loki stood up and acted as a servant "thank you for offering. But uh... when the servants know we're here they come around every few minutes to make sure we don't need anything, so there's no need for you to bother" he explained, trying to make his tone casual and act like this was a common mistake that guests made. Thor was immensely grateful toward Fandral for not acting like Loki was crazy for doing that.
"I won't do it again" Loki said, still not daring to make eye contact with anyone.
"Was that something Laufey made you do on Jotunhiem?" Sif asked, and Thor wanted to strangle her for bringing it up.
"Yes" Loki said simply. "He- he would make- um, let me serve him and- and his guests" he stuttered, glancing up at her quickly every few words.
"You seemed flustered as soon as I mentioned my cup was empty" Fandral said, he didn't know why he was so flustered when he'd barely had time to realize his cup was empty. Thor wanted to make them stop asking him things, but maybe it would be good for him to get it off his chest.
"I know, I- I wasn't supposed to let that happen. The guests shouldn't have to complain" he said last sentence like it was one he'd heard a thousand times, which he had, laufey typically said that during beatings. And the look on his face told that he was punished if he failed to keep a guest happy.
"What would happen if a guest complained?" Volstagg asked, all of them knew they were treading on thin ice now, but they wanted to know what was behind Loki's perpetually terrified eyes.
"It- it was always different" he said, wishing he didn't have to think about this. "The person I offended got to decide what my- how I was punished" he added when he saw that they looked like they need more of and explanation.
"How did that work? Did Laufey just stop the whole meal and ask the person what they wanted him to do to you?" Fandral asked. Loki nodded a bit.
"Yes... he- he would make sure they all knew that I was stupid enough to let it happen and- and then he'd ask what they thought should be done to me" Loki explained, feeling sick to his stomach as he recalled all the times he was publicly humiliated and tortured. They all could tell he was feeling more and more uncomfortable by the second, by now they could see that his face was very pale and he was licking his lips more than normal, trying to stop his mouth from being so dry. They decided they'd questioned him enough for now so they all eased off. There was a heavy silence as no one knew what to say next, then Thor decided to speak up and settle a few things.
"Look, Loki has a rough past to say the least, understandably he doesn't like to talk about it, so let's just not ask him questions alright? If he feels like talking he will" He said, everyone nodded.
"Yeah good idea" Fandral said "there's plenty of other things to talk about anyway" he added, then he and the other three quickly broke off into more lighthearted conversation, but it was obvious that they were still thinking about what Loki said because they kept glancing back in his direction. After a little while Thor turned to Loki.
"You okay?" He asked in a Hushed voice. Loki didn't say anything for a minute but Thor knew he wasn't alright.
"Can- can I go back to my room?" Loki asked. Thor nodded.
"Yeah go ahead, do you need me to walk you back?" He didn't know if Loki knew the way back.
"I'm fine" Loki mumbled as he pulled himself to his feet and limped out of the room. Thor knew that he wasn't fine at all, but he really looked like he wanted to be by himself so he didn't go after him.
Loki got back to his room and closed the door behind him, he tried to push the memories out of his mind. He sat down on the floor and focused on breathing normally and tried to make his hands stop shaking. He was determined to get his panic under control, he couldn't do this every time he thought about his past.... but he doubted he'd ever really be able to be a normal person.