Unbroken

Chapter 40

For over a week, Loki was seen very little by anyone but Thor. He spent most of his days studying his reading, he wanted to learn as quickly as he could, and he enjoyed it, so the majority of his free time was spent pouring himself into learning to read and write. Then at night he spent his time working himself to the point of exhaustion before going back to his room and collapsing on the floor to sleep. He found that when he was tried enough, his mind wasn't able to conjure up nightmares for him, so every night before he went to bed he'd spend at least an hour doing vigorous exercises in order to exhaust himself.
Obviously, Thor knew about Loki's time spent reading, he was with him a lot of the time assisting him, he was even able to convince loki to spend an afternoon out in the garden studying. But he had no idea that loki spent his nights working himself to the point of total physical exhaustion. Thor noticed that Loki's knuckles were reddening by the day and becoming raw, he noticed that loki often moved as though he was very very sore, and he noticed that he was always very tired in the mornings. but when he asked loki if he slept alright and if he was okay, loki always said that he was fine and had just been spending a little time exercising every day. But Thor was pretty sure something else was going on that Loki wasn't telling him, he knew that loki was doing more than 'a little exercise' every day. not only did he seem wiped out every morning, but he also seemed to be gaining a bit of strength. He noticed that Loki's clothes were fitting slightly less loosely, and he didn't slouch so much anymore, so Thor knew that Loki was doing some pretty physically demanding and muscle building work outs in order to cause noticeable changes in a short amount of time. This normally wouldn't matter to him, but Loki was keeping the whole truth a secret, which concerned Thor a bit.
One morning Loki didn't show up to breakfast, they got halfway through the meal before Thor decided to go get him so he could eat, he figured he just slept late or had started reading and lost track of time.
Thor got to Loki's room and knocked on the door, he was a tiny bit irritated because he wanted to finish his food and didn't really want to be fetching Loki at the moment.
"Loki, are you awake?" Thor asked as he knocked. No answer. He sighed a bit and opened the door.
"Loki come on, breakfast is almost over" he said as he came into the room. But he realized that his words were wasted when he saw Loki asleep on the floor in a pile of books and paper. He figured Loki had woken up early to study, then fell asleep in his work.
"Loki, wake up" thor said as he knelt next to loki and shook his shoulder. Loki woke up quickly and sat up suddenly, having been startled by Thor waking him up.
"You've seriously got to take a break from reading, you don't have to learn everything right away" Thor told him as Loki pulled a piece of paper off his face that had gotten stuck when he laid down in the pile. Loki wasn't really sure what Thor was talking about, but then he looked at the situation and guessed what Thor was thinking. Thor didn't know that Loki slept on the ground, so he assumed Loki had gotten up to read that morning. but truth be told, the piles of paper and books were from the day before, and Loki had just been too tired to clean anything up when he got back to the room. He had simply walked in and collapsed to sleep.
"I was just... tired" Loki said as he tried to get himself to wake up, but his fatigue was obvious.
"Loki what've you been doing lately? Why are you like this?" Thor asked him bluntly.
"Like what?" Loki asked, trying to seem as normal as possible.
"Like this. Tired and worn out. Your hands are raw, and I've seen abrasions like that before so I know you've been punching the bag without guarding your hands, and I know you've been doing it a lot" Thor said, hoping that if Loki knew he could see that something was going on, he'd confess to whatever he was doing.
"Is- I thought I was allowed to go there and use everything. I won't go there again if it's against the rules" Loki said back, and for the first time, he wasn't freaking out about the fact that he may have accidentally broken a rule.
"No it's fine that you go and exercise and work out, that's all fine. But I know something else is going on that you're hiding. I've seen the list Trinity gave you, and whatever you're doing is far more vigorous than what she instructed. I'm curious as to why you're working so much" Thor stated "if it's personal, that's fine. I don't have to know everything about you, you're allowed privacy. But you're wearing yourself down and we all want to make sure you don't end up hurting yourself" he added after a moment of silence.
"I'm not hurt.... I'm fine. I just- I like it... I mean, I'm tired a lot, but it feels good to be improving my physical health, even if it makes me tired" he said, which wasn't technically a lie. He did enjoy the feeling of exercising because he felt his strength increasing, he felt less helpless, and he felt his body's physical condition changing for the better. But he didn't bother to tell Thor that the main reason he exercised when he did was because of nightmares, that part would be kept private.
"Alright. Well breakfast is ready, are you going to join?" Thor asked as he stood up, he still felt that something else was going on with Loki, but if he wanted to hide it he had that right. Loki followed Thor's lead and stood up as well.
"Yes. I'll be right there, I just... need to change" he said, he was still wearing the same clothes from the day before and they were wrinkled from sleeping in them. Thor left the room and went back to breakfast while Loki got dressed, then after Loki was dressed he went and joined them for the morning meal.
Frigga smiled when he came in and Odin greeted him with a nod. Neither of them knew about his injury from the animal in the forest, and Odin hadn't yet commented on the fact that Loki had gone to get Sleipnir back. Which was fine with him.
"Good morning Loki" Frigga said when he sat down. Loki nodded a bit to her.
"Good morning" he said, he still looked quite tired.
he tried to keep his hands under the table, Thor noticed that his knuckles were becoming raw, so Frigga probably would too.
"You look pretty tired" Frigga commented. Loki nodded.
"Yes, I am.... I've been trying to become less..." he looked over at Thor and felt a bit discouraged when he realized he was still much smaller than him "skinny" he finished, then started to eat when his food came.
"Well you look much better" she said. No one would consider Loki to be a very built man yet, but he had at least reached the average level of weight for a man his age and size.
It was also very clear that he was less sickly looking, his eyes weren't so sunken in, his bones weren't so clearly defined, and (as mentioned before) the way he carried himself was much more normal; he didn't slouch all the time and he didn't always have his eyes glued to the floor.
"You should wear gloves" frigga said when she saw the condition of his hands. He looked at the back of his hand and realized how red and sore they had become.
"Trinity can give you something to heal the skin, and You can start wrapping your hands when you train" she told him, he wasn't entirely sure what that meant, but he'd figure it out later.
"I'm- my hands feel fine... I won't punch the bag anymore, but.... if it's alright with you, I'd rather not go to the healers for this" he told Frigga. He didn't want to go and ask for help every time he got a little abrasion, he already thought that everyone viewed him as weak and pathetic, and he wanted that to end. That wouldn't be able to happen if he acted like he was made of glass and needed help for every little thing.
"Alright... well just be careful" Frigga warned. Loki simply nodded.
The rest of the meal went on in silence.
After Loki finished his meal he left the dinning room.
He was still very exhausted but he knew that if he went to sleep he would sleep all day and then lay awake all night, so when he got back to his room, he opened up his books and got back to studying. He stayed in his room for the rest of the day, and since Thor was busy, he wasn't able to come and suggest Loki go outside or talk to people. As Loki poured himself into his reading he lost track of time, maids had to come by twice to tell him that it was time to eat, and after dinner he completely lost track of how long he'd been studying. After a long time he found himself yawning and realized that it was very very late and that he was dead tired. He closed his books and moved everything into a neat pile. he was so tired that he couldn't bring himself to go and exercise, he was already wiped out, and Now that he put the books down, he was fighting to just keep his eyes open. he decided that he was probably tired enough to sleep peacefully.
He got up and changed into more comfortable pants for sleeping in, then laid down on the floor as he always did, and in less than a minute he was sound asleep.
Unfortunately, he wasn't able to get the peaceful sleep he was hoping for. His night was filled with nightmares, he saw flashes of his tortures and felt the terrible pain of laufey's wrath all over again.
=*****=
Trinity had worked very late that night and was on her way back to leave the palace for the night. She wanted to get home as quickly as possible so she could go to bed, and she knew a shortcut from the healing room. She didn't normally take it because she had to go down the hall where the prince's chambers were, but since it was late and she was sure he was asleep, she decided to go with it.
She snuck down the hall quietly so that she didn't wake up Thor or Loki, but as she passed Loki's chambers she heard something that bothered her; she heard pained muffled groaning, like someone was being hurt. She suddenly forgot that she wanted to get home, if someone was injured then she wanted to help.
She knocked on The door but received no answer. She tried the door knob and was glad it wasn't locked. She opened the door and went inside, when she saw loki on the ground she thought someone had broken in and beaten him, but then she saw that he was asleep and it clicked.
'Nightmares' she thought as she went over and knelt next to him. He was laying still for the most part, but then suddenly his body would twitch and he would whimper or groan or mumble incoherently. he was sweating profusely, and his groaning and uneven breathing was enough to show that, mentally, he was in immense pain.
"Loki wake up" Trinity said as she turned him to be on his back. she didn't care much if she got in trouble for being here "come on loki, wake up!" she whisper shouted again, and this time he woke with a pained gasp for air.