Unbroken

Chapter 22

Loki woke up the next morning to a knock on his door. He jerked out of his sleep and jumped up into a sitting position. He was startled by the knocking and looked toward the door, he still wasn't used to people knocking for him, but it wasn't an unknown concept anymore.
"Y-yes?" Loki called back, trying to catch his breath from being startled.
"Can I come in?" It was Thor.
"Yes" Loki said back, he was still in bed and wanted to have some time by himself, but he can't really say no to the prince. Thor walked in and saw that Loki looked like he'd just woken up, it surprised him since normally Loki is a pretty early riser.
"Sleep well?" Thor asked him. Loki nodded with a bit with a shrug. He hadn't had nightmares but that was only because he was so mentally exhausted when he went to bed.
"I- I guess so" he said.
"Well it's good to see you're sleeping like a normal person now" he said, which confused Loki. Thor saw his confusion so he clarified "you're normally awake at about four o'clock. It's past seven now" he said. Loki's eyes widened a little bit.
"Wha- how- it's still dark, I thought-" thor cut him off short.
"Relax, most people sleep this late, you haven't broken any rules" he said as he went and opened the curtains, letting the sunlight pour into the room. Loki squinted a bit when the sun hit his face, but it felt good. "Besides, you're still in pretty bad shape, you shouldn't be walking without someone being with you so there's no point in you waking up early" he added. Loki turned so the sun wasn't in his face anymore.
"I feel a lot better" he said quietly. Yes, he had been healing quickly, but he was still covered in bruises and bandages and he needed to be careful. Thor was actually a little afraid he was going to try to get up on his own and start doing work that would hurt him all over again.
"Well still, you need to take care of yourself. I'm going to have the healers  come check on you and make sure you're alright" he said. Loki looked a little uncomfortable with the suggestion. he wasn't a fan of the healers, he didn't like it when they examined him that closely,
he felt vulnerable and it was always reminded of Ilkay and the horrible things she did to him.
"The healers are the ones that make you feel better" Thor added, seeing that Loki looked bothered when he said they'd come to check on him. Maybe he thought a healer was a torturer or something.
"I- I know. I was-" he was cut off by the healers entering the room, Loki sat up and swallowed hard. He was slowly becoming more comfortable with Frigga, and even a little bit more with Thor, but that was it. He was still very nervous and uncertain with other people.
"Good morning" one of the healers said as she came over and sat next to the bed. Loki just nodded a bit. These healers were different than the ones who'd cared for him the last time, Asgard must have a lot of healers.
"Are you feeling any better?" She asked as she had him lean back against the pillows. She then moved the blankets off of him and started taking his outer clothes off, starting with his shirt.
"Yes" Loki said simply. The healer looked up at him and made it clear that she wanted a more detailed account of what he was feeling "I'm a lot better but- I'm still- there's still some pain" he told her, Thor was standing off to the side but he was listening closely, Loki never really let on when he was in pain. Thor had had him walk around a few times, was he in excruciating pain when he did that? He had no idea. Maybe the healers would get him to be honest about it.
"When is the pain the worst? And where do you feel it?" She asked as she removed a bandage that was over a large gash in his side so that she could check the healing progress. Thor had forgotten how terrible loki looked when they first brought him here, but he was now reminded of how many cuts and bruises and burns he still had. In fact, much of his chest and arms and even a few areas on his legs had bandages protecting some form of wound. And those were in addition to the ordinarily visible ones on his face.
"It- I don't know... it hurts when I walk" he could see that Thor was listening "but it's not that bad" he added quickly, Thor kept telling him to let him know when things hurt, but things had always hurt for Loki so he wasn't sure when he was supposed to let people know.
"Well, if you're in a lot of pain you shouldn't be doing things to make it worse" the healer said as she checked his ribs that were busted. "So stay in bed for a while"
"So- I have to- I can't go outside?" He asked her, he was starting to find enjoyment in being outside. He liked the sun and the breeze and the fact that it wasn't cold.
"You should stay in bed" she said "you are healing very fast, and I think we all have figured out that you have a very high pain tolerance, but just because you can put up with pain doesn't mean you should. Don't try to push yourself, you might make things worse" she said. Thor's plans for taking him out to meet some new people were going out the window.
Loki stayed quiet for the rest of the examination. The healers checked just about every wound on his body, many of the minor wounds had healed already and they were able to remove some of the bandages. He had also gained a bit of much needed weight and was starting to look less skeletal, he had been having full meals every day and his body was beginning to look more healthy. He was still much smaller than he should be, but his bones were no longer so clearly defined and his skin tone was much less grey.
After a while the healers finally finished, they put new bandages on the wounds that needed it and cleaned the ones that were still vulnerable to infection, then they helped put his clothes back on and left the room.
"I didn't know you were still in so much pain" Thor said to Loki.
"I'm- it's fine. I'm always in pain" he said as if it was normal.
"I'm used to it" he added. Thor was quiet, but after a minute Loki sat up more and looked like he had plans to get up.
"Can- is it alright if- if I go to- To see the king?" he asked Thor, he didn't feel right about how things were left the day before. He wanted to talk to Odin, though he had no idea what he would say.
"You shouldn't get up. The healer just said that" Thor said.
"But- I really- please? I know he- he wants me to talk to him" he said, he was pretty certain Odin expected him to come and see him again, and he didn't want to make him mad by not showing up.
"Well I can have him come here instead if you want" Thor offered. Loki looked a little unsure, for some reason it was more terrifying to have the king come here than to go to the throne room. Maybe because when ever Laufey came to Loki's 'room' on Jotunhiem it was to inflict pain. But it didn't seem that he had any choice.
"He- he'd come here to- to talk to me?" He asked. Thor shrugged.
"Yeah probably, I don't see why not. I'll go ask him for you" he said. Loki was trying to decide whether or not he wanted that, but before he could say never mind Thor was gone to get Odin.
While Thor was gone Loki felt his palms sweating from nerves. What if the king gets mad that Loki sent Thor to interrupt him? What if he says something wrong and upsets the king? He didn't want to make him mad, he'd do anything to avoid that.
After a minute Loki's door opened, he shifted in his place so he could see whoever came in, he was almost hoping it would be Thor telling him that Odin didn't want to talk now, but instead it was Odin himself.
"Thor said you wanted to talk" Odin said as he came over and sat in a chair near Loki's bed. "I'm glad" he added, seeing the slight panic on Loki's face.
"You're- glad?" Loki wasn't expecting that.
"Yes, I was afraid you weren't going to trust me anymore. I didn't want to push you further away but Frigga and I both felt that you deserved the truth. That's why I told you want happened when you were a a baby" he explained. Loki relaxed a bit.
"You.... you wanted to tell me so- so I'd know the truth?" He asked.
"Of course, you have the right to know, especially if you have flashes of it in your sleep" odin said. Loki was quiet for a few minutes while he got his head around what Odin was saying. He told him only because he thought he deserved the truth, only to be kind.
"Loki.... I'm sorry I left you there. If I could go back and change it I promise I would" he told him. Loki looked up and made eye contact, which was rare for him.
"You- you thought that- that I'd be fine... so- I mean- you did the right thing" he said, looking back down at his hands in his lap. Odin was quiet for a while which made Loki uncomfortable, but Odin was shocked at his reaction. He expected him to hate him, he didn't think he'd even want to talk to him again much less forgive him.
"You are incredibly strong" Odin finally said after a few minutes, looking at Loki with a new kind of respect that he hadn't had before.
Loki never thought of himself as strong, he was always incredibly skinny and struggled to keep himself on his feet,  so how could Odin say that he was strong?
"Wh- what? I'm- I didn't do anything that- that requires any strength" he said "Thor- Thor is strong, but- not me" it made no sense to him. He didn't realize that there were different kinds of strength.
"Yes you are." Odin said "Any normal person would've been beyond rage right now, unable to think of anything but their own hate. Now maybe you are, you could very well be angry with me and I wouldn't know it, but even through all the twisted emotions you must be feeling you're able to see and understand my perspective. That takes a strength that few people have" He said. Loki wasn't sure he was following "not many people have the strength to put themselves aside and think rationally in intense situations like this." He added after a short pause. Loki shook his head a bit.
"That- it- I'm not strong" he said. If someone told him to describe himself in one word, 'strong' wouldn't even make he top ten.
"Maybe you don't feel like you are now, but you should know that there are different kinds of strength. Thor is strong physically, but you have showed me that you have a certain kind of mental strength. And once you're able to stop being afraid of everything, once your mind isn't so bogged down with fear and anxiety And scars from the past you'll see what I mean. One of these days, loki, you'll be able to see your own internal strength"
he said "I think there's a lot more to you than you realize, you just haven't been able to show it" Loki was quiet, his head was swimming a little bit, he didn't quite understand what Odin was saying because he knew he wasn't even a little bit strong, even in his mind. How could he think he had a strong mind when he couldn't even speak a full sentence without stuttering or sweating nervously? But before he could question anything Odin spoke up again.
"Frigga is sending a healer with your breakfast and a book to keep yourself entertained, if you need anything else just call for a guard and they'll tend to your needs. But try to stay in bed and get rest, you're pushing yourself a little too hard by trying to walk around every day" he said as he stood up and helped Loki to get into a comfortable position for eating. Loki was still very confused and his mind felt like it was twisted into all kinds of knots, but Odin didn't stick around too talk any more, a healer came with his food and a book and Odin left the room.
The healer stayed with Loki though he wished she'd leave, he wanted to think and often times he'd mumble to himself out loud, but not if someone was there.
It didn't really matter though, he couldn't possibly understand everything right now, his mind and heart were both too scarred by the things Laufey had done to him to fully understand anything he was told that was kind or gentle. But there one simple thing he did understand: Asgard is very different from Jotunhiem. and eventually he would see that that's a good thing.