an almost sexual encounter with my school's head boy;
a recovering heart valve;
and year following the literal
breaking of my heart;
three of my (best) friends are in relationships,
(two of them with each other)
whilst i am still alone
not in love with anyone,
not even myself.
this loneliness no longer shared
but solely my own.
which is to say,
i don't even have an imposter of love to look to.
and yet -
for the first time in a long time -
i do not hate myself either.
self-therapy.
reflection.
and talks with one of my best friend's who is asexual
about her lack of sexuality; hence love for herself
has helped
trying to purge the nihilism
(disguised a realism)
from my thoughts,
has helped
truly recognising life is so short,
and mine has almost ended
too many times
has helped
and yes,
there is still so much more of myself to learn about.
and even more for me to love
(especially with all the weight i've gained recently).
that is,
before i am able to commit
to, a thing as big as, loving someone else
entirely
- and so to love myself, is not selfish, but in fact, the most selfless thing a person can do
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the failings of a surgically healed heart | a collection
Poetry「 WATTYS 2019 WINNER 」 the failings of a surgically healed heart, is a series of autobiographical poems arranged into six thematic parts to form a collection which examines the idea of the collective and how that informs individual. i. family an exp...
