BSD x Reader Oneshots.

Guide (2) | dazai

Your knees were bandaged in silence, Dazai's eyes were locked on yours, but yours looked down at Kunikida, his hands wrapping the last bit of bandage around your left knee.

"Thank you." You murmured before shooting up from your chair. "Sorry, but I must go." You quickly bowed in gratitude before heading towards the door. You left the room, leaving the other office members in confusion but you left quickly.

You felt your chest collapsing in on your lungs, trying to take deep breaths as you leaned against the outer brick wall, hand placed over your heart.

"Y/n." Your name was called again, you turned your head towards him. His eyes were searching yours once more, while the wind flowed through his beige trench coat, while also making his bangs dance across his forehead gracefully.

"No, this isn't happening. You're not real." You turned away from him, he wasn't here. He couldn't be here, you refused to believe it. Every muscle in your body was tense, you felt your hands shaking as you stayed close to the wall, replying on it to support you.

"Well that's a little mean isn't it? I am very much real." Dazai scoffed, chuckling soon after in what you could only perceive as him attempting to lighten up the mood.

"No, stay away from me." You shakily whispered, but still frozen in space. "You're dead to me."

Silence followed this statement, the soft wind filled your ears as strands of your hair danced in the soft, invisible pathways.

"I'm dead to myself too, it's always been one of my aspirations in life." He sighed, stepping closer to where you could feel his strange warmth on your back, where he was standing behind you since you refused to face him. "I owe you an explanation."

"You owe me a lot." You protest, breathing out as you crossed your arms, still leaning against the wall as he hovers over your right shoulder, which was facing away from him.

"I'm sorry." He started, sighing as you heard cloth ruffling, assuming that he had shoved his hands deep into his trench coat pockets. Apologies were never Dazai's forte, in fact, he tried to avoid them as often as possible. They made him feel guilt, a feeling he never wanted, a feeling he couldn't control. He was a broken man, who had done many people wrong, guilt weighed him down like bricks weighing down on his shoulders. But this, this made his heart ache and his soul burn. He watched your shoulders tremble as you attempted to control your shaking, a cold sweat surrounded his forehead as he tried to think of words. Words, simple sounds arranged into phrases that have been socially acceptable, have never been harder for him.

"I left you with no explanation, and you have not nor ever will deserve that." He spoke firmly, in attempt to show that he was the bigger person in this scenario, he knew his wrongs, he would not crack.

But how easy it is to crack when you're simply glued together.

"I love you." His voice cracked as your ears perked up. You turned around quickly, a new found adrenaline as you had to see him. Dazai was looking down, and you stared up. The image of his bottom lip trembling and red-hot eyes with the buildup of water reflecting your own soul.

"Dazai..." You trailed off, and sooner than later, you found yourself buried deep into his chest, your arms wrapped around his thin waist, and letting his head bury into your shoulder as he let himself loose.

"I didn't think, I hurt you, you don't deserve to be hurt the way I hurt you." He whimpered, as you calmly shushed him, rubbing circles on his back with your petite hands.

"I'm just so sorry, and I will make every second of my existence dedicated to making it up to you." He solemnly promised, holding you closer to him, scared that if he didn't hold tightly, you would dissolve in his hands, spilling through his fingertips.

The cycle repeated.

The light found his darkness, the guide's lamp had slowly burned out. A white light filled his world, one he had turned away from so long ago, one he had been striving to grasp.

"Oda, when he left....I felt so alone." He admitted as his whole body heaved, breaking down physically as he was broken down mentally. Not many people got to experience this side of Dazai, he had grown to act out of cold-heartedness and think clearly in outrageous situations. This was new, he wasn't normally so forward with strangers or people from his past, he was quite the reserved man.

"He was the only friend left, wasn't he?" You whispered, defeated, into his ear. He nodded, tickling your nape as he did so, but you just gave him a small squeeze, you were quite a bit smaller than the male in comparison.

"I didn't even think about you, I haven't, I've stayed away from those memories and I'm sorry." He apologized once more as a small smile appeared on your lips as you pulled back from Dazai, cupping his cheeks with your petite hands as you sloppily grinned.

"You apologize too much, you've really changed." You patted his cheek tenderly before letting him go, leaving him to straighten his composure on his own.

"Yeah, I guess so." He shrugged,  sniffling as his tears had dried but sinuses still open.

"You're going to get a sinus infection you know, it is spring after all, pollen is a thing." You chuckled, as he frowned at your comment.

"Don't play with my heart like that Y/n, you know I dislike being ill." He whined, causing you to smile as you look down at your wristwatch.

"Well, I better be leaving." You interrupted the happy moment as you waved slightly at the male, before turning away.

"Wait." Dazai grabbed your wrist, causing you to turn back towards him. "I know that I don't have your trust completely again, but come with me, you can be on this side with me, we can be together." He pleaded with his eyes, which wavered like heat waves on a hot,sunny day.

"You know I can't." You pulled away hesitantly. "They'd kill me easily, I don't have an ability." You reminded him as his shoulders dropped in disappointment, and you couldn't help but long to see how he had changed, if he still enjoyed the small things he did, if he still let stray cats into his apartment when they were hungry.

"I'll see you around, okay?" You asked, flashing a toothy smile as a farewell, before jogging off to head back to the headquarters, and report to Mori about the detective.

And although the sun was setting, your path had never felt brighter.

A part two was requested so, here it is! Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! xx