BSD x Reader Oneshots.

winter | kunikida

He made you miss the brutal winter. The harsh winds that blew hardly against your slightly parted lips, since the frigid air had trouble sleeping in through your nose.

In winter, everything was dead. It was such a lonely time, and you missed being alone.

Not at all because you were actually lonely, but it was far much better than wanting to be with someone who knows you're not good enough for him, you're not "ideal."

The ideal woman, that hit you hard. Sure, you didn't know how to cook extravagantly, or maybe you missed a few spots when cleaning the room, sometimes you left home forgetting something.

But nobody is "ideal," right?

Then again, it depends on the definition of "ideal" and how it varies from person to person.

He was never so troubled to see somebody crumbling slowly at the thought of not being what he wanted.

He saw you twisting yourself up as if you were a pretzel, just to be able to change yourself for him. He noticed, but he couldn't change the facts.

You knew this as well.

"Y/n." A tired, annoyed voice made you look up from where you were sitting, against the outer wall in a lonesome alleyway.

Tears covered your cheeks, which were once so livid with the pale pink color of your blush.

Dark spots under your eyes from the hot tears that flowed like a stream, a quiet, undisturbed stream. These spots hid the small bags underneath your eyes that were created from the hours into the night that you stayed awake, wondering why he would never return affection.

You hiccuped, your crying making you nearly sick as you gazed at his blurred face.

What a horrible sight to see, you so damaged like this.

A couple of drinks was all you needed to wash away this pain, but you had a few too many, and the pain came back, but amplified this time.

"What on earth are you doing out here? Do you know how many predators roam these alleys at night looking for stupid women like you?" He snarls as he scolds you, but you do not seem affected by his harsh words.

They reminded you of winter.

His eyes are silver, like the metal of the pipe behind him, but unlike the steamy humidity in the air keeping that pipe warm, his eyes reminded you of icicles.

"Are you even listening to me you drunk oaf?" He seems agitated now, you advert your gaze from his, hiccuping once more as you begin to cry once more. His shoulders which were once tense now drop, had he caused this emotional distress?

You curled up, hugging your knees as you couldn't even bear to watch him be angry with you, his words were useless, the damage was already made that fateful night in the spring.

"You? Like me? You're not my ideal woman, how absurd!" He frowns as you look down away from his gaze, staring at the food in front of you, your hands rubbing together to ease the anxiety of it.

"B-But Kunikida!" You interrupt him as he was thinking aloud to himself, you stare up at him in the eyes, direct contact. "I will change to be your ideal woman! You'll see!" You proudly hold up your head as hopes that he would change his mind.

"Nobody can change that much, you are the exact opposite of my ideal woman. I hate to inform you of this." He speaks calmly as he swiftly exits the cafe the two of you were at, his food still untouched as if he had never been there.

Now it was summer, and the pain still eased away at you. You wanted it to be winter again, you wanted to feel numb, to ease this pain.

You wanted to feel nothing.

~~~

You reminded him of the fall, it starts out so well with the warmness from summer. The sun doesn't scorch you, but leaves you feeling light inside.

The fall is a season on a timer, there is only so much time to exhibit the pretty colors of leaves changing, to keep the warm weather, because at the end of fall, everything dies and winter takes over.

You were a warm radiance, in which he found in the spring. You dealt with his rants, and stayed close even if he got angry for you being so clumsy.

You were patient, but always seemed to be in a hurry, your emotions were fleeting, and never the same for a long period of time. At one moment you might be the happiest person he had ever encountered, the next....he could have sworn you had turned into the most lonesome being on the planet.

He knew he was the cause of this, his uncertainty of being with such a woman. Should he do it? Break down and be with you, fulfill your wishes? Of course he should, but his ideals led him in every way, every choice he ever made, he would not do it and there was no greater guilt than that.

He was knowingly, yet unknowingly, breaking your heart. Piece by piece, cut by cut, he was tearing apart your heart and you accepted this pain, this rejection.

Your hopes and dreams faded away like a leaf's color near the end of fall.

You changed as your whole being changed, like the colors of the leaves in the fall. From a once pure and lively green to a vivid red, then orange. At some point there was a tint of yellow somewhere, if you looked hard enough. But none of the colors mattered, they all showed signs to the inevitable. The inevitable being the withering of the leaf, wrinkling up, dry and lifeless, brown and dead.

He can't help but live up to the fact that he killed you.

Not physically.

But emotionally.

Verbally.

Mentally.

He killed you in every way that affected your brain, until you formed into somebody you once didn't know. You didn't want anything, you didn't aspire to do things you once wished so greatly for. You felt nothing, nothing burdened or bothered you anymore. You heard, but you didn't listen anymore, not when it came to anything but his words.

You knew he killed you, that he knew of his crimes, but you couldn't help but want to smile and lean in to listen closely to every little murmur that escaped his chaste, pink lips.

Before an ice cold winter would consume you, you took a moment to reminisce in the person you used to be.

A vibrant, painstakingly quick, fall season.