quixotic. ↣ d.h.

xl: collapse

"are you okay, phil?"

    phil started, eyes drifting to the opposite side of the scratchy picnic table, where zoe was carefully popping swollen blueberries into her mouth. "what?"

    "are you okay?" she asked again. "you look tired."

    phil's brain felt too big in his head, clunky and dysfunctional. "oh, well, the other boys were pretty loud last night," he sighed into the stale air of their cafeteria. the mistake he'd made didn't hit him until zoe tilted her head in confusion.

    "the other boys? you have brothers?"

    phil's heart raced in his chest, pounding so hard against his ribs he was sure they were going to collapse. his eyes darted from zoe to dan and back again, finally settling on a sticky stain on the table in front of him. everyone else had been expressing such candor lately. somewhere along the way, phil had become an embellished version of himself; close to the truth, but ultimately just another artificial apparition of a real human being.

    and there was nothing he loathed more than a facade.

    he forced his dry mouth to open and drown out the sound of his rushing blood. "i live in an orphanage."

    their silence was louder than thunder, resonating in phil's bones and booming beneath his skin. thoughts of running away, as zoe had a few days before, jumped through his mind.

    "you what?" dan said finally, voice soft and sad.

    phil kept his eyes on the scarlet stain as he twisted his fingers together. "my parents left me. i live in a ramshackle house with a dozen other boys my age."

    "why didn't you tell us this sooner?" zoe asked, thinking back to all of the times that phil had been there for both her and dan. how many times had he needed someone himself? how many times had he felt unbearably alone?

    how many times could they have been there for him?

    "i don't like people to know the truth about me," phil said, shrugging lifelessly. "they always look at me different. i just want to be treated like everyone else."

    the table was held by a somber silence when dan's phone began to blare.

    "sorry," he said as he slid the answer button and held the device up to his ear. "hello?"

    the roses of his cheeks gave way to a chalky white, his eyes bursting open and mouth round in an inaudible cry.

    "i'm coming," he said quickly and shot up, legs knocking against the metal bench in his hurry.

    zoe followed suit, already reaching for him when he slid the phone back into his pocket and turned to run.

    "what's going on?" she shouted as she grabbed phil's hand and dragged him along towards the exit doors at the back of the cafeteria.

    the wet sound of sobs was clear in his voice: "it's adrian."