The Deadman's smile

Ch.1 Bodies and bad puns.

¨Did you massage the limbs, Ivan?¨ Jeffrey Murphy asked his assistant.

¨Yeah.¨ replied Ivan Gore.

"Jaw has been properly wired?"

"Yep. Though that was challenging."

¨How so, Ivan?¨

¨Well, the broad seemed real eager to "bite the dust.¨ Ivan said while snickering. Jeff groaned at Ivan's' poor attempt at humor.

Ivan Gore's nickname around the mortuary was Igor for two reasons: one being the obvious wordplay of his name, and the second reason was that the ¨mad assistant¨ vibe practically radiated out of his entire being; His diminutive stature, bald head, and a weasel like smile that called out from the grayish depths of fifty's era horror movies. These ghoulish features sharply contrasted with the tall, thin, brown haired Jefferey Murphey, who was trying to continue his job of finding the vein of the dead woman lying on the gurney. Jeffrey had worked at the morgue with Ivan for the past 6 years; Half of which were spent being tortured by Ivan's obnoxious wisecracks, rude pranks, and corny puns. It was like being in a room full of mosquitoes, annoying and draining. He knew Ivan was just trying to lighten the mood, but he always did this at the most inopportune moments. A good example of this were the days when Ivan would come late to work, leaving Jeff to deal with the majority of the work in the morning.

Which was today.

Still giggling at his own joke, Ivan firmly patted Jeffery on the back, causing Jeff to push the needle too far into the cadaver' s side which led to pale yellow fluids oozing from the stomach, bringing an acidic and nauseating stench.¨ You asshole!! Now look what you made me do.¨Murphey yelled angrily.

¨Relax Jiff, the chicks already dead.¨

"Don't call me that!"

¨Whoa, are you pissed?¨

¨Yes!¨

"Pleasure to meet you, Pissed."Ivan said, with a smirk and an exaggerated wave.

Jeff snarled as he went to work repairing the puncture.¨Doesn't he take anything seriously¨Jeff thought bitterly. Ivan chuckled and placed his hand on Jeff's shoulder. ¨Damn Jeff and I thought this broad was the stiff.¨Ivan joked. Jeff slapped the hand away and glared venomously at Ivan. Taken aback by the scorching glare, Ivan went back to work.

When lunchtime came, Jeff left for the rec room while Ivan stayed behind to eat the lunch he packed. Ivan looked at the woman's corpse with a impish smile on his face, and set to work on his latest joke.

After ordering his lunch, Jeff made his way to the rec room. While he was walking down the hall, he saw one of his co-workers coming out of one of the doors. Her name was Tara Romara, she was smart, charming, and had a smile that would make Miss Universe bow her head in shame. She wore her auburn hair in a messy bun, which highlighted her soft-puppy like brown eyes. Jeff waved to her and smiled shyly. But before he could even open his mouth, Tara quickly sped passed him, completely missing his greeting. Jeff looked back at Tara's fleeing form and let lose a mournful sigh. Jeff walked into the rec room to find Ivan laughing and joking with the other employees. Sneering with disgust, Jeff walked to the farthest table to eat his meal. Jeff usually sat alone ever since Ivan was hired. Contrary to popular belief around the morgue, Jeff was normally a quiet, soft spoken man that was slow to enrage. But that all changed when Igor came. In the first week Igor was making obnoxious jokes, which Jeff found about as funny as heart disease. Now Jeff could tolerate the jokes, but it wasn't until Ivan began upping his game with pranks, that usually were catastrophically messy, did Jeff really started miffed. It was small pranks at first, like sewing up his coat sleeves, but then they started to get bigger and more messy. Like when Igor left the embalming machine on high pressure, which sprayed all over the room and left a dizzying, noxious smell. Having to clean up Igor's messes took their toll on Jeff's patience, and to make matters worse Jeff had to cover for Igor on multiple occasions; which both physically and mentally exhausted him. So it was no surprise that Jeff began to be more aggressive around Igor. But that led to a poor image of Jeff around the morgue, and Igor's nickname of "Stiff Jiff" didn't make things any better. Jeff sadly watched as his co-workers laughed at a funny story Igor was telling them. Jeff, chewing his pastrami sandwich and staring at the group, wondered if he would have better relations if he became more of a comedian. His thoughts were interrupted when Mr.Steinberg, with his blue suit , red tie, and jolly nature; waltzed into the room. Hugo Steinberg had inherited the funeral business from his father after his death. It was anyone's guess as to why a joyous man like Mr.Steinberg would choose such a morbid profession, but no one really asked him about it. ¨Attention people!! I have big news. I have made my decision on who will be my business partner.¨That simple sentence made the room silent, and it made Jeff practically shiver in his chair with excitement. He had wanted that job for quite sometime. If he could be vice boss, then he could convince Mr.Steinberg to fire Igor, not to mention that he had some great ideas to increase business and appeal to clients. Jeff held his breath as his heart beat excitedly in his chest. The boss cleared his throat thus adding to the suspense.

¨Congratulations....to Ivan.¨