The Deadman's smile

The bottle of amontillado

"So he gives the guy a drink"

"So he gives the guy a drink"

Jeff snickered at the punchline while he ate his pastrami sandwich.He and igor were sitting at jeff's usual table in the corner of the rec room.Igor had just gotten through telling jeff a joke about two men in a bar.Jeff slyly smiles at igor as he says"Looks like that guy was a little loopy already"Igor slaps jeff shoulder in a roughly as he guffawed loudly."I never would have imagined that Jiff the Stiff could have a sense of humour."igor said in between laughs."There's a lot about me you don't know"replied jeff with a cool smile.When he said this,his eyes briefly glinted dangerously,giving the smile a wolvish edge to it.Igor,not noticing the peculiar look,continued with his conversation."So should I get my hopes up that we're doing something awesome tonight."Igor said with anticipation sparked in his voice.Jeff's smile turned to a more serious look when he said:"Unfortunately no,just got word that we're both working the night shift,so our night on the town is down the tubes."

Igor rolled his eyes and moaned."Ugh,both of us, and here I am thinking that being the new co-boss would get me out of stiff work.This sucks."

"Well it doesn't have to suck old friend."

Igor looked at jeff quizzically."What do you mean?"

"Well,if you stop by the embalming room I might have a something to make both are nights a little more.....interesting."said jeff.

Igor leaned forward in his seat to hear jeff better over the din of the room.

"I'm listening"

"Well don't go telling everybody about this,but I recently have gotten my hands on this wine..."Igor then sprang up from the table causing it to clatter."Say no more I'm there."he said excitedly."I'll come to an execution if there's booze."

"Well,then it's settled"

Igor began gathering his lunch into his backpack, and began to walk away from the table. Turning to jeff he said."I promised I'd meet Steinberg for a meeting so I'll see you later jeff."Igor said before turning heel and walking out the door.Jeff watched igor for a little bit before turning his attention back to his own lunch.He did not eat it.He stared at it,feeling something begin to rise in his chest.He tried to stifle it,but he felt that he would burst if he held it back any longer.So he let loose what he was trying to restrain during the whole conversation with igor:A low chuckle.But it was no ordinary fun chuckle,but the type of chuckle you hear from the creature which lies waiting for you in the dark corners of your room,hunger with a touch of cold triumphant.

At 8:35pm after a seven glasses of wine,igor's senses were drowned in alcohol.He was slouched in his swivel chair eyes glossy and off focused.He smiled a very lopsided smile."You know what jiffy."He slurred."I was wrong about you,you're an okkie dokie guy."Jeff ,who was still on his first glass,just smiled and nodded."I'm glad to hear that,you're not a bad guy yourself."he said.Suddenly igor began to scoffed."Oh stop it jeff.We both know that you hate my guts."Then igor sat up in his chair and leaned forward close to jeff,his sour wine breath curling up jeff's nose and causing him to cringe."I know why you're doing this said igor in a low serious voice.Jeff's heart skips a beat when igor says this,his hands nervously tap the armrests of the chair,and he begins to feel little beads of sweat pop up on his forehead."You do?"jeff asks struggling to keep his anxiety from showing."Hell,yeah.You think that buddy-buddy act would fool me?I know that you're trying to convince me to quit my job here."

Jeff relaxed a little,but made sure to put on a still convincing act by bowing his head sheepishly and sincerely.

"Well,yes."

Igor snorted."Huh.Knew it.Hate to tell you this I'd take your offer if I could,but it's a no go."

This statement peaked jeff's interests,so he went on probing."You've really considered quitting?"jeff asked.

"Hell yeah.I hate working in this crap-hole."igor grounched. Igor's face then turned fearful and sad.

Being around all these corpses scares the piss out of me.It takes everything I have not to puke myself,when I have look at their pale disgusting skin.....It's not natural.It's like looking at fleshy white space."Igor began to shake more and more with each word."S-Something supposed to be in that space...anything,it's not supposed to be blank.Something is s-s-supposed to be their color,feeling,a soul whatever the hell you can find."In a quick motion,igor banged his cup on the gurney.He looked jeff straight in the eyes with a scared almost desperate look on his face."Don't you see jiffy!!!!They ain't supposed to be blank!!!!They ain't supposed to be blank!!!!"Jeff got up and rushed to igor trying to take away his glass cup.His anger cooled and sympathy began to leak into his heart."Igor calm down.I think you've had enough to drink."Igor gives jeff a glazed zombie-like stare.His grips relaxes on the cup until he finally lets his hand slump down.Jeff,not really knowing what else to do,begins to probe igor a little more."So that's why you leave in the middle of your shift,and do all those pranks?To try to get fired?"jeff asks.Igor smirks."Naw,I leave to get away from the place.I even take a little booze is just so I can get through the shift."

Jeff then asked:"Then why not just quit?"

"Cause I need the money jiff.We both know my work ethics down there in hell,so gettin a job anywhere else is outta the equation."Igor sighed tiredly and slumped far back in the chair."I play pranks so I don't lose my mind around here.Planning them out takes my mind off it all."

Jeff's sympathy for igor grew as he spoke."Maybe I shouldn't do this."He thought.Then igor said."Well,can I ask you a favor?"

"What?"

"I found out that this whole partnership job kinda sucks.So I'm gonna need you to cover for me again.

Jeff stood up abruptly causing his chair to fall back.
"Another favor?!"he said outraged.

Igor's grin slipped from his face at seeing jeff's angry face"Oh crap,it didn't work."igor muttered head downcast."He was supposed to feel sorry for me.Damn it I underestimated him.I thought he'd take the sob story.Alright Plan B I'll have to spread another rumour or better yet just offer to spread the rumour if he still says no....."Igor continued to mutter in his chair quietly,thinking in his drunk state that jeff couldn't hear him.

But he did.

And with each word and sneaky plan igor said,jeff's sympathy shriveled and crumbled like a flower succumbing to the cold,frosty air of winter.

Jeff turned and hurriedly walked over to the brown bag he took with him."You're drunk igor.I have some water here maybe that will sober you up."he said in a clipped voice.Jeff opened the bag and pulled out a small bottle of water.He also brought out a small colorless capsule. He broke the capsule and let the powder slip into the water.

"He has to go"

Jeff walk over to igor and handed him the bottle.

"Here you go"

Igor took the bottle and took a long sip.Igor was quiet for a long time before he finally decided to speak.

"I really need to get out of here.This place is like chemo,I hate it but need it at the same time."Igor sank so deep into his chair he began sliding to the floor.His eyes began to feel heavy and his brain began to get fuzzy."You know."igor slurred."Sometimes I think I should just disappear...."And with that igor's eyes closed and drifted off into a blissful slumber.As he slept the bottle started to slip from his hand and would have fallen to the floor if jeff had not grabbed it so quickly.Jeff strided to the door to check for any stranglers.

But they were alone.

Jeff look over to the sleeping fool and smiled."Well my good friend looks like you're about to get your wish."