Speak To a Girl

Chapter 19

Tim POV:

I managed to somehow coax Audrey back into the car, after sitting outside for two hours talking through things. I continue to drive to where I initially planned on going, since I figured it'd be a damn shame if all I managed to do tonight was take her through the place that apparently still horrifies her.

I never really understood how much she went through that night... I never knew about the gore, or the fact that she knew that I stopped breathing, and knew the exact moment too. I never understood how she is crippled by the thought of it. I just never knew...

She sits in the passenger seat, looking out the side window while the radio plays softly. She looks down at the dial, before turning it to a country station. I feel myself go numb as I recognize the first three chords. Audrey sits back, unaware until the singer starts to sing. She looks over at me, before a large smile cracks on her face.

"What?" I pipe out, feeling a little embarrassed. She laughs, before turning it up a bit.

"I didn't know you were a radio star now." She mocks, biting her lip and smiling.

"Got ole hank crankin' way up loud, got coolers in the back, tailgates down." I hear my own voice sing. She listens carefully to the song, her smile only growing while I drive.

I drive along a lake, hitting a dirt road which makes her look over with a smile. I pull off into the grass, taking the truck down to the river. She looks over at me, her eyes looking seventeen again. I reach across the seat and grab onto her hand, making her smile even sweeter.

"Tim..." She lets out, seeming to be a little winded. Her smile fades a bit, as she bites her lip. "Jana's --" She starts.

"I know." I interrupt, making her freeze. She stares at me for a moment, a little caught off guard. "Mack couldn't keep his damn mouth shut." I inform her, watching her place her head in her hands.

"How long have you..." She starts, unable to finish as she raises her head, out of breath.

"Day after she was born." I confess, feeling tears rise in my own eyes. I look at her, as she looks back. "I was in a bad place, and I..." I stop myself, not wanting to distress her. "He came in and showed me a picture of a tiny baby girl. I was confused at first, but then he told me that she was mine... I couldn't stop smiling..." I admit, smiling a bit while remembering it.

Eight Years Earlier

I hold onto the bars, taking a few steps slowly. When I go for a third step, my legs buckle, letting me fall onto the ground, slamming on my stomach. I lie for a moment, taking a few deep breaths, feeling an overwhelming sense of frustration hit me. I crawl over to the wall, and sit with my back against it, staring at the empty rehab room.

I feel my chest ache, as everything inside me burns. I force myself to breathe, as my heart feels like it's hit an irregular beat, pain beginning to burn in my lungs. I stretch out my legs, and grab my chest, trying to breathe through the pain.

"Tim?" Mack calls out, walking in the rehab room and spotting me pretty quickly. He spares me a sad smile. "Tough day?" He asks, as I nod through my own tears. I keep my hand over my chest, as he walks over to help me stand. "Remember to breathe, okay?" He talks me through, as I let out awful gasping noises. He walks over and grabs a wheelchair, pushing it behind me, and slowly lowering me down into it. He pushes me out of the room and into the hall, periodically patting me on the shoulder to tell me it's okay.

"Where were you yesterday?" I ask, as he wheels me into my room. He helps me stand, before slowly lowering me onto my bed. I sit on the edge of the bed as he roams the room looking for pajamas for me. "Mack?" I call, trying to get an answer from him. In the last seven months, he's never not been here...

"Day off." He says with a smile, before tossing me a shirt. I slowly peel my shirt off, stopping for a second to look at the scars in the mirror staring back at me on the wall. A long scar runs down my chest where they repaired by lung, another mark over my chest where the defibrillator was. Mack notices my stare, before sighing. His sigh distracts me, pulling my gaze away. I decide to put my shirt on, before slowly, and carefully, changing into some plaid pajama pants. "You want to go do something?" He asks, making me feel exhausted since I just changed. "How 'bout a drive?" He asks, looking a little somber.

"You mean..." I start, before he nods, making my chest clamp up. I feel tears in my eyes, as I start to hyperventilate.

"You have to face it sooner or later." He lets out, making my stomach sink.

Within the half hour, I'm in the passenger seat of his truck, my wheelchair rattling in the back seat. He drives slowly, trying to keep me calm until we get there. The night is on his side, the moon tucked behind clouds so I honestly have no clue where we are. He suddenly pulls onto the shoulder, before putting the truck into park. I look over at him, feeling my chest pound.

"Is this..." I start, before he nods.

"Yeah, it is." He lets out, before stepping out of the truck. He goes to get the wheelchair out, but I stop him. He instead gets me out, and helps me limp to a wooden cross on the side of the road. I feel a little numb. "The trucker didn't make it." He informs me, making me feel nauseous. That could've been me... should've been... "He died on impact... with his seatbelt on. There's no good reason you two made it out alive." He admits, staring at the cross for a moment. I do the same. He digs something out of his pocket, before holding it out for me. I look at him, before cautiously reaching for it. I hold it in my hands, before realizing it's a picture of a baby girl. She's only a few moments old, her eyes still shut while she lies on Audrey's chest, Audrey soaked in sweat and smiling with the sweetest of smiles. I look over at him, feeling paralyzed for a moment.

"What is this?" I ask, feeling tears hit my eyes. He looks me and shakes his head with a smile.

"Tim, you're a daddy." He informs me blatantly. I'm winded by the words, staring down at the picture to see if it could somehow be fake. It's real... "Jana Elizabeth McGraw. 5 lbs 6 oz. That's where I was yesterday." He admits, a bright smile forming on him. "She's a little on the small side, and a little early, but she is as healthy as could be." He laughs, seeming to be a little choked up at the picture. My hands shake, the thin paper in my hands unsteady. "Audrey... She wasn't planning on keeping her. She was actually planning on an abortion, but she just couldn't go through with it. So she went on with having her, but is still not sure how ready she is. That's why she left. She didn't want you to have to go through all of this and have her decide she's not ready." He explains, as I try to force myself to breathe, tears slipping. "I need you to understand that she did this the right way. Leaving you for the time being was the right choice. She's not abandoning you, and she still loves you, she just needs time to figure out if she's ready to be a mother or not. Right now, things are looking up, but we'll have to see come in a few weeks." He tells me, as I nod erratically. Mack spares me a smile, before looking at the picture again. "Man, isn't she somethin'?" He lets out. I nod quickly.

"Yeah." I croak out, feeling numb. He rubs my back, looking around us.

"Now you can remember this spot as where you figured out you had a daughter, not where you almost lost it all." He says, before leading me back to the car. I stop in my tracks, unable to take my eyes off the picture. "You need a minute?" He asks, and I nod. "Alright. Call me when you're ready." He says, walking back to the car, as I sit down on the side of the road, trying to memorize every single beautiful thing about the picture.