Ghost in This House (JohnLock AU)

This Is Not Who You Are

A/N Hey My Lovelies!! Here is another chapter....I am so sorry....TRIGGER WARNING!!!! This talks mostly about suicide so be warned....lots of angst...but on the plus side...this story is almost done!!! Good luck!!! Enjoy<3

"What the fuck are you doing?" Sherlock gasped as an image of himself blinked into view, glaring at his wrists. This was John's Sherlock, the one he wanted back so desperately.

"What's wrong? Can't stop the blood flow?" He snapped, swaying as his vision blurred.

"You're going to-"

"Oh, sod off with that shit! 'You're going to hurt John'. Of course I'm going to hurt John! That's the idea, isn't it? Everything I do leads to people I love getting hurt, it's the only thing I'm good at!"

"This isn't you! This isn't the Sherlock John fell in love with!" Sherlock rolled his eyes and slid down the wall.

"No, that Sherlock died when we were eighteen, didn't he?" The ghost sighed heavily and mirrored Sherlock's actions, sliding down the opposite wall. They sat quietly for a moment, remembering their days in Uni.

"What happened to me? My last memory is really fuzzy."

"Do you remember Victor?" Sherlock's ghost nodded, chewing on his lip. Victor was not a pleasant memory. "His father threatened us, made us promise to leave Vic if we wanted him to stay safe. Needless to say, we didn't take it very well."

"I tried to kill myself." Sherlock nodded, the pain in his wrists fading to numbness that quickly spread over his limbs. In the background, he could hear John still pounding on the door, but even that sound was starting to fade.

His ghost flickered away briefly before re-appearing in front of him.

"It doesn't have to be like this, you can be with John. Let him in. He is a med student, he can save us."

"I don't want to hurt him."

"You will hurt him if you let yourself die in here. John loves you, we dated for nearly three months Sherlock, he knows how abrasive we can be. Let me show you." The ghost knelt before him, reaching out and touching his cheek softly.

Sherlock's body was lit with a cold fire, memories filling his mind painfully.

"Jesus, are we mad?"

"So, we are going to summon Death?"

"No. But we are in love apparently, and I have heard that love is madness."

"I like making you smile."

"We will figure this out Love, I promise."

He saw John's smile, the love in his eyes making his chest tighten. He felt his pulse race as he remembered touching John, the strange surge of electricity whenever their skin met.

He remembered their first kiss, the fear he had felt when he approached the bed, hoping he wouldn't be turned away.

He remembered John's sleepy eyes, how rough his voice sounded when he was tired. How young he looked when his sleep was peaceful.

"No, it was very good. Just, overwhelming."

"I'll miss you too Love."

He remembered John's breathless laugh when he would surprise him with a kiss.

He remembered the fear when Gavin took them to the hospital, when he saw his body for the first time.

He remembered the pain that surged through his body as he panicked upon seeing his body.

He remembered the horror at watching John's body fly across the room, connecting with the wall and the window behind him.

He remembered the way his heart would break watching John, knowing that he could hurt the man he loved so easily. He could kill John so easily, yet the young man still wanted to be with him.

He remembered the shame he felt when Geoff yelled at him for ignoring John.

He remembered the joy he felt when he learned John still wanted to try saving him.

The pain and fear when John collapsed.

The helplessness at seeing John's body attached to hospital equipment.

The fear of never seeing John again as his own body died.

"John!"

Sherlock writhed weakly on the floor, the memories burning through his body.

"Sherlock?" John's voice came from the other side of the door. "Sherlock, what's going on? Let me in!" He whimpered and reached his hand for the door handle. His hand trembled violently, his wrists burning and pulsing as he fought with the lock.

His vision quickly faded to black as he collapsed against the floor, feeling the weight of unconsciousness taking over his joints.