In the Twist of Separation

Different

Gary was back home that night, Robbie felt a weight lifted off his shoulders but still had so much in his mind he could just about cope with. He really questioned if Gary still loved him

"Hey gaz fancy a family day out with the kids...they need a family day" Robbie said walking in to their bedroom where Gary was laying in bed working on his laptop, when he said 'they' he meant 'he did' it's Robbie who needs a family day to feel that security again "babe I'd love to I'm just snowed under with emails I promise tomorrow we'll have the day out okay" Gary said not even looking up from his laptop, Robbie shoved his hands through his hair frustratingly and nodded to himself

"Right okay" Robbies voice cracked a bit and walked out the room

Gary watched him leave but then dived straight back into his emails

Few hours later

Robs view

I had to get out. I had to leave to the house every time I went near him every time I went to hug him or even peck his cheek he'd move away. What the fuck have I done? Have I upset him? Am I suddenly not good enough...or have I never been good enough? I left the kids with him he said that he was working but I don't give a shit I need to work my tour is just around the corner and I can't take the kids with me to that can I? Although he'd probably fuckin expect me to knowing him of late

The feeling of being pushed to the side, feeling like whatever I do isn't good enough for him is gut wrenching to the point where I want to break down and cry...and have a few time but he doesn't know that, why would he know that he doesn't give a shit. Even if I dyed my hair Florescent pink he wouldn't notice right now. Last night, he lay beside me in bed asleep sleeping as peaceful as he could while I lay there looking at him think 'where the fuck did it all go wrong' I gave and continue to give him everything I treat him like a king but yet I don't feel like his husband I feel like a man he chooses to live with while I look after the kids. We've not had sex for months, God we had so much sex we were like two guys on heat, couldn't get enough of each other. Sneaking touches and kisses in meetings, quick shags in dressing rooms and slow passionate love making sessions at home every single night even when we had the kids but over the past few months he won't even touch me

I'm standing outside a corner shop, I don't like where my minds taking me I can't go back there I've got Taylor and Oscar to provide for. Fuck if the press get hold of this they'll have a field day

'Oh Williams is back on the bevy' I see the headlines now I can't do that to my kids not now, not after everything I've come through. It's almost like my mind is goading me to go for the drink.

Go on one drink won't hurt, it'll block everything out like it used to do. It worked then and it'll work now you'll be fine you always are

Fuck off! I can't handle my own mind but maybe my thoughts are right. I start to believe that anyway as I walk the little bit further and go into the shop, cap and glasses on is my disguise it usually works. I'm too far gone in my mind and I can't believe I'm back here again as I put my money down on the counter

"Bottle of vodka please darlin" I say doing a different accent so the lady behind the fill doesn't recognise me, the way I feel lately only booze can fix this now I've tried for too long. The women she looks at me for a couple of seconds I hope she hasn't seen through my disguise I can't deal with being famous right now as much as I love fans, not that I'm assuming she's a fan...well I kind of am truth be told.

"Small bottle or big bottle" she asked me not noticing the disguise thank god. Now I'm faced with a choice I'm not good with choices "umm the small one...make it 2" I say thinking that I can fit them in my pockets making it easier to hit them from press and public

"That's 12.50 sir" she softly said, she seems lovely. Blonde hair, short. Seems to be confident, charismatic, up beat. Everything I usually am but not today, not recently.

"Sorry what" I shake my head coming out of my thoughts and she smiled at me "12.50 is the price" she moved the bottles further in front of her on the counter as I got my wallet out, I notice her clock my right hand the one with 'L.O.V.E' across my knuckles, shit that's bound to give away who I am but she doesn't say anything she just looks down at the counter and smiled, yeah she's a fan.

"Here you go" I smile slightly handing over fifteen quid and pick up the two bottles and went to walk out

"I'm closing in 10 if you want to stick around" makes me stop as I just opened the door, I lower my head in some form of defeat and let my guard down a bit "is it that bad? Vodka the only solution" she has a sound of disappointment in her voice as she walked round from the counter and I close the door and turn to look at her again taking my glasses off "you never bought the disguise did you?" I quiz and she laughs a bit rocking on her heels "I'm pretty sure if your idol was stood in front of you you'd recognise them"

"But you were going to let me just walk out"

"Some people need a break I wouldn't keep you here let the mask fall ya know" wow, she's right. For months I've been keeping up with the act that is 'Robbie Williams the popstar father and husband' but I've never let it slip I've never gone back to me just me.

"This might sound totally crazy, however that's what I do best! Would you want to share them with me, just let your guard down man don't be the tough guy and if you want you can talk to me I help people I'm used to it"

Fuck if I wasn't gay I'd marry her she's brilliant and talking is what I need right now, I'm hesitant though because she could easily go to the papers and leak everything I've only just met her and don't know if i can trust her. There's something about her, she's not from London is it more north of the boarder? Whatever it is she is making me at ease then I get the question I've not been asked for ages

"How are you"

I could've broke down

"Looks like I'm staying" I sadly smiled and throw her a bottle out my pocket which she gladly catches.

She's not your usual fan, she's different