In the Twist of Separation

What the heart wants

With the kids asleep soundly upstairs Gary took it upon himself to lean back against the kitchen counter as he watched the careful movements of Robbie while he sat down at the table where they normally eat as a family

Usually the kitchen is where the fun happens for them, cooking with the kids or with each other, singing, dancing, kissing and cuddling but not this time. Not been that way for a way and both men can't go on denying it anymore. Feeling the tension building Robbie knew he only had this chance to explain everything but he wasn't the only one who felt they needed to explain what's happened

"I'm sorry"

The younger mans head snapped up from looking down at his twiddling thumbs in utter confusion, the small and gentle voice threatened to break as it filled the room and Gary looked anywhere but Robbies eyes, he couldn't bare to look at them because he knew he'd break

"Why are you sorry? It's me who fucked this up" the faint laughter came from the back of Robbies throat as he tried to comprehend the next thing he was going to say, he had to pick his words carefully otherwise this was for nothing. Scratching the back of his head the older man searched for something else to say, it's rare he's at a loss for words but he really doesn't know what to say to the man who he used to find so easy to talk to

"It started a few months ago, I didn't even notice. I mean it was hardly noticeable because I just put it down to either of us working a lot and thought nothing of it..." robbie spilled out into the silence that once filled the room, slightly lifting the tired head and over to where the lonely looking man sat at the table Gary did nothing but listen because he knew if he spoke up it would end in a fight "...the d..drinking that didn't happen till the one night I promise you! But it was hard to not pick it up earlier you know? Not knowing when you where coming home, if you where at all. I didn't want to second guess your motive for staying behind at work but I began to do so"

"Robbie all I ever was doing was working!" Gary frustratingly threw his head back on his shoulders trying to not snap again, he loves him too much to snap again. Nodding in agreement the younger man sadly smiled and looked back at his twiddling thumbs on the table before speaking again

"I know that, I knew that then it's just my mind pressing self destruct again" he softly whispered loud enough for Gary to hear him. The older man did feel unbelievably guilty, if anything it's not robbie he's truly angry with, it's himself for letting his family get to this

"Why didn't you just speak to me? Rob this could've been so much easier but now I don't see a way back"

"Don't say that! You don't mean it and you know it! I waited night after night for you to call, building up the courage to say something but never called" Robbie steadily said gaining more confidence as he went, he could feel the lump in his throat returning as his voice threatened to break making Gary's heart break a bit

"I never called because it was always too late, I assumed you'd be asleep" Gary sadly sighed, running his hands through his hair in a bid to calm himself down and not cry seemed to work for all of about 5 seconds as he felt a tear roll down his cheek and land onto the kitchen tiles

"I would've answered because I love you, you're my kids Dad, my husband, of course I would've answered" Robbies eyes softened on seeing the tear fall from the mans eye, he could see what this has done to him, what it's done to their family but he can't leave without Gary heading his part

"How old was she?" Gary suddenly changed the subject getting to the elephant in the room, Robbies stomach automatically tightened and his eyes shrunk in size as he heard the question. In all fairness he didn't stick around to find out her age but he can't even remember what exactly happened, he's adamant he'd remember doing that "...you don't even know do you? Christ Rob" Gary shook his head in amusement and put his head in his hands for a few seconds

"I..I..no" the sincerity in his voice was clear as anything and Gary dryly laughed mentally shouting at himself for even thinking they could talk about it, just looking at Robbie was enough to make him want to both cry and argue. He could see the man in front of him was broken and a fraction of who he used to be but surely that's not Gary's fault? Or is it

Standing properly off the counter the older man went to make a movement out of the kitchen but was quickly stopped by a strong grip on his shoulder

Christ he moved fast

"Please..look I drank I admit okay but I really can't remember sleeping with her Gary and you know I always remember that why would I fuckin lie..."

"To save your own back that's why! Do you really expect me to believe you didn't do anything with her?! Come on give me some credit sweetheart" Gary coldly spat out what usually is a term of endearment, watching the emerald green eyes turn dark the older man knew Robbie wasn't leaving till he believed him

Stepping that bit further into Gary's space they were toe to toe and almost eye to eye, the level of tension could be felt by anyone who dared to walk into the house as robbie gently lifted Gary's left hand up and bent his wedding ring finger into his own hand "...if you don't believe me then why are you still wearing your ring"

"Habit" Gary lightly said not making a decision to move his finger out of Robbies grip, it felt right to have his hand back in his. He didn't want to lose that contact, he's been deprived of the warmth of Robbie for over a week that moving his finger would only upset the man even more "..look I'll take it off.."

"No don't because if you truly believed I slept with her you would've got rid of your ring well before now, look me in the eye and say you don't believe me..." Robbie calmly said rubbing over the wedding ring with his thumb and titled Gary's chin up to look at him with his other hand, locking eyes properly made all the hurt and anger flee Gary's body as words began to fail him. He just wanted his husband back but he can't say that he believes him because a part of him doesn't

"I don.." the rest of his sentence was cut off by a pair of soft warm and gentle lips sealing themselves over his own in a overly powerful and loving kiss. Automatically Gary's body responded as if it was second nature, breathing shakily at the shock of Robbies mouth on his Gary pulled back from the kiss with wide eyes and slightly puffed lips "..you really shouldn't of done that lad"

Smiling lightly Robbie let go of Gary's hand and chin as he went to step back fearing the shorter man actually meant what he said

"Say you don't love me and I'll walk out but if you do love me then I don't apologise for kissing you"

"I will always love you robbie but this isn't right, we can't fix this by you kissing me and then messing with both our heads. Look you stay here tonight, I've got work down in the studio I need to finish"

And with that Gary turned on his heels and went to walk away from his saddened husband, he does think deep down Gary believes him but it's going to take much more than he thought to get him properly believing him

Wondering through the house and up the stairs Rob took himself into the kids room and just sat in between both of their beds resting back against the wall, hearing the light snores from both kids warms his heart a little as he closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the wall while both children slept peacefully not knowing he was still there

Unbeknown to Robbie, Gary was just outside the door looking in at them all. He'd came back upstairs to get a loop pedal from his room but stopped in his tracks when he seen the door open to Oscars and Taylor's room, watching Robbie shut off from the world by having his eyes closed Gary felt his heart break a little more. He so needed that kiss in the kitchen but it wasn't the right thing or was it? Would it irresponsible to do that or is it just what they need to kick start things again

Gary can't deny how beautiful the younger man looks just sitting there in his black shirt and jeans but he shakes them thoughts from his mind as he try's to tell himself he's still angry with him for drinking and 'cheating' but it's becoming harder and harder for the northern man to keep his feelings compressed down as the want for his husband slowly begins to rise again

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A/N

Soooooo what do you all think? Do you think Rob actually cheated, is Gary trying to hide behind his pride too much or will he go with his heart, can Rob convince his husband he didn't cheat? Let me know what you think in the comments ❤️

DCx