In the Twist of Separation

Not Broke Yet

After Robbie arrived at the hotel and booked a room he kept replaying Gary's words in his head

Were you thinking of our kids then huh?

The words still cut through him, he never meant for any of this to happen. He's felt trapped for so long he's just completely lost control and now he's alone in a hotel room trying to fight the urge to drink.

Back at the house

slumped against the wall unable to physically move. I've  cried about as much as i can cry and  I'm pretty positive there's not a single tear left in my body. Feeling emotionally and mentally drained. It hasn't fully set in that Robbie has cheated and when it does that's when I fear that I'll will truly break.

Seeing my phone light up beside me on the floor, I checks the caller ID and sees Robbies name across the screen, filling with anger again i hatefully pick up the phone and throws it across the room making it hit another wall and hearing it smash tells me I'll have to get a new phone.

20 minutes later and I still haven't moved. Never in a million years did I ever expect this to happen. Yeah I've had countless relationships, but they never really stuck. With robbie it was pure perfection, we had love, security, warm, the kids and each other. Where did I go wrong? Is this all my fault? We've been married for 5 years and together for 10, doubtless we've had our breakups and troubles but we always found a way through. This time however, I don't see a way back

Ring

My attention is grabbed by the landline going off, staggering to my feet and whipping any reaming tears on my face I rather aimlessly walk towards the phone

"Hello" without even checking the caller ID on the call I answer with a monotone greeting

"Ah Gary hello love, I was wondering about that family dinner we organised for this weekend..."

It was my mum. God I forgot about that dinner, we planned it months ago. I had to book in advance in case I got too busy with work but I'm never too busy for my mum. Feeling my chest tighten and biting my lower lip as I let her continue talking about the plans

"So around 7:30 at mine yeah?"

"Actually mum..."

"No gary, not again. We've had this one planned for months, we never have a family day together anymore with you and your brother..."

"But..."

"No buts, 7:30"

"7:30" confirming the time I gave a gentle and silent nod as she hung up. Placing the phone back down on the table I raise a hand over my eyes taking in a deep breath to steady myself. I've got to pick the kids up soon and make dinner, Christ knows what I'm going to make I don't even know their favourite meal!

Grabbing my jacket and car keys, I run my hands down my face again making sure no tear stains can be seen by any on looking press as no doubt they seen robbie leaving not half an hour ago, the kids are my priority right now so putting everything else to the back of my mind I head for the school to pick them up

At the hotel

"I have already told you mark!"

"I don't give a fuck what you've told me, why on earth would you do this to yourself, to Gary, TO THE KIDS!" Mark bellowed in the hotel room, he arrived shortly after robbie since rob had messaged him asking to see him. Robbie could see the anger and disgust in his mates eyes and that's something he never wanted to see, feeling like his heart was breaking into little pieces he let his act fall and leaned against the wall beside the hotel window

"I didn't want this...believe me..." Robbies voice started to waver, his eyes began to water and his bottom lip started to tremble like a toddler. Watching Robbies hands begin to fumble with the ends of his shirt and eyes looking anywhere but Marks, the shorter man couldn't help but feel somewhat sorry for the broken man in front of him. He's known him since being a teenager, guided him through rough years and now it's something beyond anything he thought robbie would do

"Why did you do it? Why a girl..."

"You know how it is mate, girls fling themselves at me left right and centre but she was d...different, I was drunk, beer goggles on you know..." robbie tried to explain but even saying the words made him feel physically sick, he can't believe he's done this to his own family but the thing is, he can't remember actually sleeping with her. He's been over every last detail that he can remember and nothing leads back to sleeping with her

"Beer goggles isn't a plausible excuse Robbie and you know that, why cheat? Why even drink after 17 years?" It was clear mark wasn't going to let this drop and he had full reason not to since Gary is the closest thing to a brother he has, he was still taking in the fact robbie had cheated on Gary and right now he can just about stand to be in his mates presence

"You know what, I don't want to hear it..." mark retracted his question grabbing his jacket and hat off the table beside the bed, looking over at robbie it broke him. This wasn't the man he knew, this was a broken version. Robbie looked so fragile, hurt and so unbelievably alone.

There was frown lines where there should be laugh lines, tear stains where there should be none, broken skin on his lips from trying to not cry and puffy red eyes from rubbing them too much  "I thought you were better than this, I really did..."

"I was!...I am" robbie was quick to defend himself pushing off the wall he made light work of getting closer to Mark, he looked down into Marks big sorry filled eyes and tried to look for his friend but all he seen was disappointment "I want to believe that, I really do but I know it's not true..." mark turned on his heals as he spoke and reached for the door but one thing stopped him, Robbies fast grip on his arm

"Don't...please don't..." tears were now steaming down the younger mans face, he looked completely broken. He was near unfixable and robbie knew that himself but he couldn't bare to watch someone else give up on him. Losing mark on top of losing Gary would be the tip of the ice berg. His stomach is turning making him feel physically sick, looking at his grip on Marks arm he lets go in fear that he hurt him and his eyes fill with guilt and goes to rush out untold apologies but he's stopped

"Stop" Mark breathed, looking at his watch he has a few hours to kill before having to be in the studio, he's still tremendously angry with Robbie but leaving him on his own right now would do him more harm than good so being the responsible person Mark is he dropped his jacket and hat back onto the table and went over to the phone to ring down to reception

"Hello? Yeah hiya love, 2 teas and a full English to 304 please..."

At the house (Gary's view)

I let them decide what they wanted for dinner, they both wanted chicken strips with chips and happily I obliged their wishes. Now sitting down on the couch with Taylor snuggled up to me side and oscar on my lap watching TV I can tell their minds are far from the cartoons, I know that they're aware of a change between me and rob since he'd be here when they got home but how am I meant to let him see them after what he's done, cheating I could've worked round but the drinking and the cheating was something I couldn't work round

"Where's Dad" Oscar looked over his shoulder at me and started to play with my silver cross necklace as I tried to think of a believable answer. Looking back down into his brown eyes my smile nearly falters, I hate lying to him and Taylor I do but it's for their own good right now. They won't understand, they're too young

"He's our at the studio, I'm sure he'll show you what he's been up to mate" ruffling his hair and hearing him giggle is all the confirmation I need to know he's believed me, Taylor has stayed watching the cartoons but I know she's not daft

Right now my marriage is the least of my worries and where it who robbie is with is up to him, the kids are my main focus. They're the only reason I've not broke yet