caffeine scars ↛ larry au

t h r e e

Harry

☓ ☓ ☓ ☓ ☓

I stared at the flawless person sitting on the other side of the table. Louis was his name. Louis. It rolls off my tongue perfectly. The morning sunshine making his features look perfect. His high cheekbones making him look smaller. Baby blue eyes that were so soft and kind. A cute button nose that made me want to kiss it. His dark brown hair that was kept long, my fingers itching to play with it. Small hands were laced together in front of him and it took everything in me to not grab his hands and pull him into my lap.

Harry, he's straight. Or, at least he said he broke up with his girlfriend. But the way he's staring at my lips..... The walls around my heart instantly cracked at that thought and I knew this boy would be my destruction. In a good way.

Louis took a deep breath and answered my question in his lyrical voice. "Well Harry, I hope I don't sound too creepy but I kind of, I don't know, it's sort of an attraction? I guess. I've just been sort of drawn too you since I laid eyes on you. Well, I eyed your hair first, but then your face and now I can't seem to get you out of my mind."

Louis' eyes were closed and it looked like he was holding his breath, waiting for my answer.

I couldn't even move. LOUIS likes me? I wanted to scream or cry or dance... maybe all three. He felt the connection too. The blue-eyed boy who was the reason I even kept coming to this café.... felt drawn to ME.

I realized I hadn't answered him and he was looking up at me with hopeful eyes.

"Lou...." I breathed out. Still not being able to comprehend what was happening.

"I like you too." I rushed out the words and instantly saw him perk up. A huge grin spread over his face. And I felt a smile creep onto mine and I couldn't stop it until I was grinning like an idiot. I'm smiling.... when was the last time I was happy? I just met Louis and he's already making me smile. He's... He's breaking down my walls.

Maybe that's not a bad thing.... 

Louis' grin fell into a small smile and he whispered words that made my heart flutter like a school girl.

"Harry I can guarantee, a smile has never looked as beautiful as it did just then on your face."

And we just sat there. Grinning, blushing, and scanning the other's face. Too soaked up on the feeling that we got from each other.

But it ended all too soon, I should've knew that something bad would happen. I finally felt happy but I just HAD to look out the window. I just HAD to see her.

The person who filled my head with lies. Told me I wasn't good enough, that nobody would love me. Everyday she would slap me and yell at me. "You're worthless and no one is going to want you. You just take up space and waste money."

I cringed at the memory and felt the tears building up. I glanced at the window and saw she was gone. My mother.

Although my mum was nowhere to be seen, the darkness was still there. I took deep breaths and tried to calm down. I couldn't have a panic attack... not now, not in front of Louis.

Louis.

I looked up and saw he had his hand out reaching out to me but not sure if he should touch me. His eyes a sad, scared blue. No, I can't do this in front of him. He can't see me like this.

I got up from the chair and saw him hurt and confused. My heart aching for him. I felt the tears beginning to fall and I knew I had to leave. "I'll see you later, Lou." And I swept down and pecked him on the forehead. Feeling the buzz from the connection and him leaning into my touch. "I promise." I whispered. Hoping that I wouldn't have to break it.

- - - - - - - - - -

When I arrived at my flat I rushed in and the panic attack automatically started. Screaming, cursing, crying, breathing hard, punching myself, thinking of the past.  I usually had these panic attacks whenever I thought of my past. Of the harsh words that my mom yelled and the many things thrown at me. They started out small but then my thoughts got the best of me and I usually ended up on the bathroom floor with a razor in my hand.

I called them panic attacks but they were much worse. After they were done, and for no reason, I was just depressed. It's like a darkness washed over me and all I felt was anger and sadness.

My mum's right. Who would love me? I'm ugly and worthless. My hair is dumb and stomach is too big. I deserve this.

I took out the all too familiar silver razor, tugging off my shirt. Yeah, this is what I need. I deserve this. The countless hits. The countless words. The countless cuts.

And with that I drew a line, and then another. Instantly feeling some release but I knew it was only temporary. Louis would never love me.

Louis. I left him. Oh my god, h-he likes me, someone likes me and I let them go. Oh, Lou. 

I put down the razor and cried into my hands. I felt guilty for letting me stoop down that low, Louis DID say he liked me. Why did I let myself do this? My mothers wrong. I sighed and washed my face. I bandaged up my arm but not bothering to put on a jacket, deciding to just stay in.

I heard a soft knock on my door and got up in a flash. Ready to yell at whoever it was. Probably one of my neighbors complaining about the screaming.

When I opened the door I felt small arms wrap around my waist, pulling me in close.  I relaxed when I saw the familiar feathery hair but I tensed up again when I felt the tears on my chest because I was still shirtless.

"Lou, love, what's wrong?" The pet name slipping out effortlessly.

"I-I followed you h-here, and I waited for the... the sc-screaming to stop. Oh, Haz, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. You don't deserve this." I found myself crying at the small boy's words. I pulled him closer, the height difference allowing my head to rest on his.

"Shhhhh, Louis, come here" I led him to the couch and had him sit down, getting him some water. Which he gladly took. A tiny hand wrapped around my wrist before I was pulled down on the couch practically squishing Louis. He snuggled into my chest and sniffled.

I looked at him fondly and brushed my hand through his long hair. He looked so tiny; with  my large hands combing his hair while he nuzzled into my touch. His hands started playing with the bandage on my arm. "Shit, sorry Lou, I'll go put on a shirt." He looked up at me suddenly.

"N-No, Haz, it's fine." I felt myself smiling at the nickname and I kissed his nose. Earning, a smile from the teary boy. Which soon fell, "Why do you do this Harry, you don't deserve to harm yourself... no one does." I brushed my thumb across his cheekbones, not being able to resist touching him at such a close proximity.

"I've been doing it for 3 years, love, I can't just stop. It's, It's complicated. We'll talk about it later," He nodded and went back to laying on my chest. I didn't want to ruin this already. His hands started mindlessly playing with my fingers. "I want to fix you, Harry." And I smiled at his words and the way his hands felt against mine.

I've been doing a lot of smiling lately because of Louis. I'm falling for him fast, too fast. The walls I built up in 3 years were falling down for a boy I met this morning.

I pulled him impossibly closer and whispered in his ear, "I wouldn't mind that, love."

☓ ☓ ☓ ☓ ☓

Larry feels for everyone. YAY!!!! And sorry for making Anne mean. Oops. I love her, but it had to be done. A lot happened in this chapter hope you liked it.

xx Kayla