Secondhand Smoke [m.h]

Part Four.

It's safe to say that I didn't sleep that night.
I already showered twice (my best thoughts usually come in the shower).
I've also brushed my teeth & hair multiple times and applied a small amount of makeup.
Thoughts. Situations. Complications. More thoughts.
Of course my anxiety would act up now.
I'm in a mental fight with myself about this.
This was a big deal-- not coming home for months.
However, this has always been something that is amazing to me. I want to see new places and I want to get to know Matty better.
I look at my alarm clock.

4:53AM

I look around my room and listen to the silence of this quiet house.
My heart screams at me to go with Matty.
Screw it.
I leap off of my bed and rush to my closet, pulling out my largest suitcase and another smaller bag.
I fill the bag with my toiletries, makeup & beauty products.. making sure that I'm prepared for anything.
I whip open the suitcase and immediately begin to mentally plan outfits and place them in the suitcase.
I stack them tightly and in thin layers so that I can fit the most amount of things inside as possible.
After filling up a lot of my suitcase, I unlock my phone and scroll through iTunes until I find "The 1975" under the search.
I add their music to my Apple Music account and shuffle it.
The same overwhelming euphoria washes over me again at the sound of their music.
My mind clicks to an obvious subject. Money.
I know Matty invited me but I want money for myself, it's only polite. I hate when people buy stuff for me.
I open my wallet and see that there's only 150 dollars inside from when I got paid.
My body posture sinks as I glance over at my shiny black coin bank.
It's time.
I grab a hammer from the storage closet and give the bank a slight tap with it.
It shatters and reveals all sorts of bills and coins.
I pick it out from the broken pieces of my bank and count it up.
509 dollars.. more than I thought after a year of saving up.
I place the money in my purse & finish packing all the clothes & accesories.
My mind spins as I slide on a grey sweater and black leggings with black combat boots.
I grab my favorite blanket from my bed and a pillow before carrying all my things out to my car.
I load everything into the trunk and get in the driver's seat of my car.
My car starts with a push of a button & I rest my hands rest on the steering wheel.
Is this really happening? Are you really doing this?
I take a deep breathe & remember that social media & technology still will connect me to my family.
It's odd putting trust in someone you just met, it's nerve-wracking but exciting.
I pull out of the parking lot and drive into the city.
The city lights surround me because it's still fairly dark and the sun hasn't come up yet.
It's a bit chilly and a little rainy but I still feel the fire in my heart.
As soon as I see the venue, I start squealing in my car. This is insane.
I'm so excited.
I park my car in an empty spot and I see a security guard standing at the corner of the gates.
My digital clock on my dashboard reads 5:48AM.
I shut my car off & hurry out. I quickly grab my things from the backseat and head towards the gates.
A few female fans stand waiting at the gates in hopes to meet the band before they leave.
I look at them and they don't seem to have the same attitude of many of the fans that I had seen yesterday.
They seem like genuine, sweet people who just want to meet their idols and I can't help but feel an amount of sympathy for them.
"Hey, how long have you guys been here?" I ask them upon walking up next to them.
One of the girls sighs, "Three hours. They told us that there isn't a chance of even Matty coming out to say hi. We decided to wait just for the opportunity to wave to their buses as they went by."
I bite down on my lip and adjust my bag on my shoulder.
"Sorry to hear. You guys seem great though & I'm sure they appreciate you very much." I say to them before slowly walking through the gate.
The security guard stands in front of me.
"The password is Claire." I tell him.
He shakes his head, "Sorry m'am. We don't have a password. Not part of the band or crew? No entry."
My jaw drops a little and I begin to shake as I stand in front of this tall, intimidating man.
He folds his arms and looks down at me.
What am I going to do?
He suddenly breaks out into a laugh, "I'm just pulling your strings. Third bus. He'll be thrilled."
I let out a breath of relief as I quickly walk down the sidewalk and follow the sound of the rumbling engines.
As soon as I come into view with the third bus, the doors are swinging open and Matty comes running out.
"Yes!" He yells as the runs down the stairs.
He lifts me up, spinning me around in his arms.
I laugh, "I guess you're excited."
"Of course I'm excited. I'm so glad you came. Come on, we're leaving any minute." He says, taking my hand and leading me on the bus.
He helps me place my luggage in a storage area and places my bag next to the large sofa.
"Matty.. there's some really lovely fans outside. There's about five of them who have been waiting for hours. I know I don't have any say in what you do, I just thought I'd let you know." I inform him.
He smiles, "You're so sweet."
He grabs my hand again and leads me off the bus. "We'll be right back, Tim!" He calls out the driver as we run back to the front.
I watch as his wild curls bounce as we run down the sidewalk together.
The girls who all have turned their attention to their phone screens suddenly look up at the sight of new people coming into view.
"Oh my god." They say in unison, fixing their hair & throwing their hands over their mouth.
I wait further back as Matty approaches them, giving them hugs & signing merch they had brought.
They pulled out their phones and snapped selfies with him.
"Thank you so much, Matty. I love you." One of them says.
Tears stream down her face and Matty wipes them away.
"Don't cry, darling. It's no problem. However, I do have to get going but much love to all of you. Thank you!" He says to them before jogging back to where I stand.
One of the girls waves to me and I wave back before running with Matty to get to the bus.
"Thank you for doing that." I say to him as we run.
He laughs, "I'm glad you told me, love. I had no idea. Thank you. It's good to know you care & can adjust to the attention of fans."
We hear the sound of the girls freaking out & crying as we get inside the bus.
"Thanks, Tim. All set." Matty tells the bus driver as we both get inside.
Tim nods and shuts the bus doors, followed by turning on the engine.
Matty & I run to the back of the bus and leap on the bed. He slides the door shut and turns some music on from a portable Bluetooth speaker that sits on his bed.
He adjusts his curls and stares at me, "What was your decision process? What helped you decide?"
I lay back on the pillow I brought.
"My brother told me to follow my heart in making my decision. My heart told me to go." I say, plainly.
It's simple, really.. although the process wasn't exactly a lovely experience.
He lays down next to me and smiles as he stares at the ceiling.
"How much sleep did you get?" He asks me.
I burst into giggles, "None."
He sits up and looks at me with a shocked look on his face.
"Really!? Me too! I was restless at the constant wondering if Isabella would show up today." He says, fake excitement in his voice.
I roll my eyes at him and throw a pillow at him.
The bus begins to move and I watch as the arena begins to fade away in the distance.
I recognize the song that fades in on his speaker from the concert last night.
I sit up and look at his phone screen which shows a song called "Menswear" playing.
It's got a lovely beat to it in the beginning and it gives you a nostalgic feeling.
Once his vocals kick in, we kneel on his bed and jam out.
We whip our long hair around and we can't seem to hold in our laughter.
I laugh, "This is so good."
"It's even better with you here. I'm glad you came." He says, adjusting the part in my hair.
His touch is overwhelming to me.
I notice the aesthetics of him, his personality is lovely but he also is lovely on the outside. He has really nice, strong hands and arms. I love his stomach so much, all of the indents are beautiful to me and his entire torso is really nice.
He has great collarbones as well, they remind me of something I would see while scrolling through Tumblr. Not to mention his great hair.
I lay down and just stare at him, admiring everything about him.
He scrolls through the songs on his phone and adds songs to the queue.
A song called "Antichrist" fades in and I feel my eyelids grow heavy.
Just knowing he's here and next to me makes me feel safe & comfortable.
I've never been trusting & new people always make me raise my guard. This never happens.
As the slow, beautiful song continues.. I feel my eyes flutter shut.