Secondhand Smoke [m.h]

Part Seventeen.

I wake up to a deafening, rapid buzzing.
I squint and try to push through the foggy wall of sleep as I sit up, trying to discover the source of the wild noise.
The sun shines directly in the window, making my head throb.
This hangover is going to be a huge bitch.
I make my way out of the bed as I continue to hear the buzzing, until I quickly realize that the buzzing is for my apartment.
As I move towards the door, the buzzing stops.
Ugh, the stupid kids again.
This happens all the time.
I walk back to my bathroom and brush my teeth, trying to wake up a little more.
I fill up the cup next to the sink with water and drink the whole thing before taking a few pills for my raging headache.
As I finish swallowing the last pill, I can hear loud thuds.
Damn, this hangover must be really bad.
I walk into my room and slide on sweatpants and an Adidas t-shirt.
I run my hands across my face, wiping away some of the makeup that was leftover from last night.
"Ugh." I groan.
I tie my hair up in a messy bun and as I secure it, I hear the loud thuds again.
I walk out towards the door to my apartment and I laugh as I can hear the knocking at my door.
My mom is the only person who has keys to my complex door so I attempt to find a fake smile as I open the door to my apartment.
The door opens and my smile fades quickly. I feel the air get stuck in my lungs.
"Oh my— Bella.." He mumbles, his voice soft.
I want to cry as I stare into his soft eyes.
All of his features are so soft and his hair is slightly less wild.
He wears a grey long-sleeved sweater that hugs his body tightly and a pair of very tight, black skinny jeans with black Doc Martens.
I want to slam the door in his face but I literally can not do it.
My body physically won't let me and it makes me even more angry, so I just decide to walk back inside my apartment with the door hanging open.
"Bella.. come here, please." Matty says, his voice soft but his voice is slightly louder so I can hear.
I am so numb due to this dumb hangover that I don't even bother processing this yet as I walk to my bedroom and lay down on the bed face first.
I exhale for an extremely long time as I let my body sink into the mattress.
"Bella, please.." He says, his voice so soft and quiet that it almost is a whisper.
I feel the pressure change as he sits down at the bottom of the bed.
What do I even do? What do I say?
"Can we talk?" Matty asks, politely.
I sit up way too fast, making me slightly dizzy but I ignore it.
"What do you want!? Honestly, Matty! What are you even doing here? How did you get here? How did you get my address? How did you even get to my apartment door? Why did you treat me like you did? How do you even expect me to let you be here right now?" I yell, feeling my eyes sting as they fill up with tears.
His mouth tries to fumble for the words but I don't let him talk yet. I'm definitely not done.
I move a bit closer to him, "You didn't call or text for that long, I didn't mean shit to you! I fucking hated you for that, trust me. Your message was so clear. You are the biggest asshole I have ever met and then you have the audacity to do this!?"
He almost speaks again but I don't let him.
"You know what I realized, though? The worst part about all of this!?" I begin to cry, the tears streaming down my cheeks.
I shake my head, "It's that I don't hate you. It's that even though you were an asshole.. I thought about you every night and cried myself to sleep over you.
You treated me like garbage but yet the memories of you kept creeping back and breaking my heart. You're out there living your fucking wonderful life while I'm here suffering. I tried everything to not think about you, I even tried to find you at the bottom of countless bottles of alcohol. I didn't find you, but it did numb the aching pain. I thought so many times about what you'd say to me if I called you or if I ever saw you again.. and it's been a great thought process behind that. Now is your shining moment! What do you have to say, Matty Healy?"
He stares at me directly in my eyes and his facial expression doesn't change at all.
"I love you, Isabella." He says, plainly.
My whole body freezes as he sits right in front of me. My brain begins to process the fact that the person I can't get out of my head is here.
"I-" I try to find words, but I just can't.
He shakes his head and adjusts himself to sit on my bed more comfortably.
"Don't say anything yet, just allow me to explain myself a bit first." He tells me.
I take a deep breath and rest my back against my headboard.
He sighs, "First of all, I have to say that I'm so.. so incredibly sorry. That might not mean much and that truly hurts me. I hope that you know that as each day passed, it hurt me worse and worse. I'll answer your questions, okay? Just.. hear me out."
He takes a moment to collect his thoughts.
"The disastrous morning when we dropped you off at the airport.. I'm sure that hurt you so much. It hurt me even more and I can promise you that. I'm not much of a crying type but I swear I felt like I was going to have a full-blown mental breakdown right there in front of you. I tried to find the arsehole inside of me because I knew that you were falling for me.. and even worse, I was falling for you. That's not because it's your fault.. it's because you're way too good for me and I ruin every good thing. I didn't want to change you or fuck you over, I wanted you to have a life.. a good one. I wanted you to find a great person to give you that perfect love, you know? You deserve the best.. you always did. I knew you would try to help or understand or even keep in contact if I let you go any other way.. so I had to break both of our hearts. I was terrified, if I'm being honest. I still am. I know what I did was awful but that's not how I feel about you. Treating you like that made me sick and I drank away all of the feelings that came with that morning. Now that I've kind of explained my reasoning behind that.. I'll answer all of your questions. What am I doing here? I've been so worried about you and it was time for me to grow a pair and talk to you.. and of course, I missed you. How did I get here? Airplane, love. I caught the first flight last night out of London. How did I get your address? Your brother has been lovely. How did I get to your door? A neighbor of yours was leaving for the day and I explained my situation and she let me walk in past her without a key. What I want is clearly obvious.. it's you. It always has been. Lastly, do I expect you to let me be here? No, I don't. I was preparing for a smack in the face. To be screamed at. Everything. I deserve it for what I put you through.. and I've been so afraid to try to love.. and then I met you and it only scared me more. How could I ever risk hurting you? I just.. I couldn't even stand that thought so I stayed awake the whole night before you left and came up with that plan.. and I called you after your brother texted me because he was worried about you. I was so concerned and needed to hear your voice. It broke my heart to hear your voice in that drunken state.. I had to come here, Isabella."
He takes a sharp breath and leans in closer to me, his palm grazing against my cheek and resting on the side of my face.
"Tell me to get out, tell me to fuck off.. you can even tell me that you hate me again. I don't blame you at all. I just needed to tell you that I'm sorry. I love you.." He mumbles, his voice shaking.
I feel more tears continuing to spill down my cheeks.
There's a million things I could say to him right now but I simply move forward, pressing my lips against his.
His lips are much softer now and I craved the way he tasted.
He stays still for a moment before moving his lips with mine.
I feel more tears spill down my cheeks and I break apart our kiss and rest my forehead against his.
He looks in my eyes and pouts before leaning back and using the ends of his sleeves to wipe away my tears.
He stares into my eyes and I feel myself fall apart even more as I wrap my arms around him.
He holds me tightly and lays down with me, pressing his lips to my forehead.
"M-Matty?" I whisper.
He traces his fingers over my inner arm, "Hm?"
"I love you, too."

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i updated !!!!
it's 5AM rn sorry if there's any mistakes— i've been writing this for a few hours lol
this chapter made my heart happy to write, though..

thank you so so much for reading omg !!

much love.
xo
- adrianna