Secondhand Smoke [m.h]

Part Eleven.

The days pass by fairly quickly.
I began to question what Tim said until the night of the second to last show.

"I'm going out.. you're welcome to come with me." Matty says as he walks towards the exit of the bus.
I shrug, "Sure, why not?"
He smiles and I follow behind him as we leave the bus and begin to walk down the street.
The air is a good temperature. I tuck my hands in my pockets and walk beside him.
"What's the plan?" I ask him.
He looks at me, "A plan? I never have a plan."
"Oh.. I meant like, for us.. after this--"
"Bella, let's not worry about that right now. We still have three more days together.. we'll figure it out when the time comes." He interrupts.
I nod.
I guess he has a point.
We approach a dimly lit bar with neon lights running around the outside.
"A bar?" I ask, stopping in my tracks.
He furrows his eyebrows and looks back at me, "Yeah.."
I stand still and bite on my lip. I don't think this is a good idea.
"Babe, it's only for a couple drinks. The lads might even stop by." He says, trying to reassure me.
I sigh and follow behind him. He smiles and holds the door open for me.
I walk inside and the smell of mildew and cigarettes hits me immediately.
This place is definitely old.. definitely not too popular either.
Only a few people are scattered around.
This is what you can expect from a small town, I guess.
"4 shots, please. Something strong." Matty tells the bartender.
I widen my eyes, "You're trying to get drunk?"
"Oh, don't ruin the fun.. I handle my liquor fairly well, love. Don't worry." He answers, smile playing at his lips.
"Matty.. I don't know about this." I mumble.
He waves his hand at me as the bartender slides over the shot glasses.
I watch as he downs each of them with ease.
He brushes his curls out of his face and slides off the barstool before taking my hand and pulling me towards him.
He hooks one hand around my waist and uses his other hand to hold mine.
He sways me around and we're dancing to quiet country music that plays.
"I think I'm falling for you, Isabella." He mouths, his voice barely carrying at a whisper.
I stop moving and he continues to sway by himself.
Is he really drunk already?
"Can I get a water?" I ask the bartender.
He nods from afar and prepares an ice water.
I sit at the bar and watch Matty sway by himself, smile spreading on his face.
The bartender hands me the ice water and I sip on it. Matty looks up at me and points his finger in my direction.
"You.. are.. beautiful.." He slurs.
I shake my head, "You don't mean it. You have alcohol in you now, remember?"
"What if I had to have alcohol to tell you?" He says, his expression changing.
I sit in silence as I try to come up with an answer.
Matty stumbles over to me and slides in the chair that sits next to me.
"Sorry... I.. I-I can't.." He slurs, his head hanging low.
I run my fingers through his curls.
"I have a feeling this is going to break me, Matty Healy.." I mumble.
He sits up and uses one of his hands to find my cheek.
He presses his lips against mine and I can taste the alcohol.
My brain tells me to pull away but my heart tells me to keep going.
His tongue tastes even better.
I remember that we're in public and close the kiss before asking the bartender for our bill.
Matty attempts to grab for his wallet but I pay anyways before helping him out the door.
"That was such a good idea." I say, sarcastically.
He laughs, his tongue pressing between his teeth.
He bends over and laughs even more before laying in the grass.
"Oh, come on.." I groan, trying to grab for his hand to help him up.
He takes my hand and pulls me down on top of him.
"Isabella.. Isabella.. You don't deserve this. I'm sorry." He slurs, shutting his eyes.
I brush his curls out of his face, "What do you mean?"
He doesn't answer me even though I know he heard me.
"We should probably go.." He mumbles, attempting to stand.
I get off of him and help him up. He uses me for support as we walk together back to the bus.
His words repeat in my head.
What don't I deserve? Why is he sorry?
He didn't do anything wrong besides getting a little drunk.. but then again, I'm not upset.
When we get back to the bus, he leads me to the back and lays down in bed.
I remove his shirt and his skinny jeans (which is quite the struggle) so he's more comfortable.
He smiles and nuzzles himself into the pillow.
I strip down and slide on a pair of comfortable shorts and a t-shirt.
My mind spins as I crawl into bed next to him.
I think about tonight and how it went compared to what I'm used to.
My mother tried her best in her relationship with my father.. but there comes a time when any efforts you make don't matter anymore.
My father is a rich alcoholic. We haven't spoke since my graduation.
He left me some money & a Tesla before disappearing to New York.
We haven't spoke since. He doesn't care about me.
He never seemed to care, either..
All throughout my childhood I can remember all the empty bottles of liquor lying around.
My mother would be heartbroken at the sight. She never imagined her marriage would have ended like that.
She tries her best to support my brother but it can be difficult at times.
I try to help out in any way I can.
Seeing Matty down those shots only made me think of my father doing the same..
I was terrified of what the outcome would be.
Although, he did say a couple things that had me worried.
Matty makes me so happy.. he makes me feel so alive. I don't agree with all the choices he makes, but I'm glad he chose me.
Everything feels like chaos right now. What will happen to us? What are we going to do?
Matty reaches over and pulls me over to him before relaxing once more.
His body warms mine and I sigh as I sink my head into the pillow.
As I'm about to close my eyes, one last thought races through my mind.

I'm going to have to let him go.

______
sorry! didn't proofread!

thank you so much for voting/reading.

xo
- adrianna