Am I really straight?

◇ 《11.》◇

NATE POV.

I was dreading going to school today, I was trying to come up with a plan to avoid him all day. I didn't have maths on Tuesdays so that's good. I was even more nervous now so I put on some calming music while I was getting ready for school. I was deep in my thoughts so I moved out of habit I didn't even know how did I get down to the kitchen.

I hate the thought of liking someone, especially now. When I was with Rose it was okay, because we liked each other and we confessed and then started dating. It went easily, but I guess that's why it ended so horribly. When I found out about the truth I was sad but not as much as I thought I would be. We were together for over a year which is pretty long I think. With Ryan it's much more difficult and not because he is a guy, but because these feelings are new. Although Rose was my first relationship, the feeling I felt towards her was not this strong. My head is going to explode if I think about this even more!

Dad was home this morning, for a change and I was glad. I loved dad more than anything, and since mums death, we grew closer than ever.

" Hey, dad and Sally. " I greeted them then sat at the table and put my head down on top of it. Closing my eyes I sighed and thought about Ryan and avoiding him again.

" What's with the sigh, son? Everything alright? " asked dad concerned. I just nodded not even raising my head from the table.

I'm usually very cheerful so this is a side of me people don't see often. I hate feeling like my head is going to burst from thinking so much. On top of it, my heart is beating hard but out of fear and dread and all those emotions. I like being cheerful much more.

" Did something happen while you were at your friend's house yesterday? " questioned Sally. Know that got my attention, I raised my head so fast I think I got whiplash and also blushed to bright crimson colour. Then noticing I blushed I hid my face and groaned. Now they definitely know what my problem is. I peeked from between my fingers and saw the knowing smile yet curious glances that they sent my way.

" Maybe, but I do not want to talk about it. " I said firmly and raised my head again looking at them with apologetic eyes. They looked understanding but I could see that my tone hurt them a bit. " Look... I'm sorry it's just I don't know... I might have screwed up something really bad and I really don't want to talk about it. " I said more softly and they nodded and Sally put some pancakes and bacon in front of me. Dad came to my side and patted my back reassuringly.

" I don't know whats going on but everything's going to be alright. I'm sure of it just don't let it get to your head too much. " He said then kissed the top of my head and bid us goodbye.

I finished my breakfast as fast as I could trying hard not to think about anything. But if you try not to think about something than it will come back to your mind even more. So I tried focusing on my breakfast. When I finished it I put it inside the sink and wandered over to the medicines. I took out the painkillers for my head and popped one in my mouth downing it with water. My head will be fine for a time thank god. However, my insides probably won't stop feeling like an evil gnom is squeezing it with all its might and then another is stabbing it while dancing the samba or something.

I eventually couldn't stay home more so I said goodbye to the others and started really slowly walking to school. I'm not worried about running into Ryan on the way because he has to practise every morning. I still am confused about my actions so if he would question me I would probably just splutter something than ran off.

Let me get this straight at least if I don't seem to be that. Ryan is very attractive that's for sure. I mean he is ripped as hell and has mesmerizing brown eyes that seem to have some golden freckles in them sometimes. He isn't as stupid as his other teammates' hell he is only bad at math. He is nice but I'm not sure about that now because he might beat me up next time he sees me. He loves hugging and when he hugs you it almost like you were hugged by the biggest softest teddy bear in the world. So it does looks like I have feelings for Ryan.

In my internal conflict, I have arrived at school. I stopped right in front of the classroom, everyone was already in because the hallways were empty. I knocked then entered and without looking anywhere other than the teacher I walked in. I apologized and because I'm a good student I was let of easily. I walked to my seat with my head down. I know that the fates hate me because it just had to be math class where Ryan is sitting right behind me. I sat down and without a word started writing notes.

Someone patted my shoulder and I tensed but didn't look up from my notes. They did it again but I ignored them. Then they must have had enough and stopped. However this time I heard my name.

" For god's sake, Nate. Don't you dare ignore me! " he sounded a bit confused and angry. I know who it is but I'm afraid that if I think about him my thoughts will not stop. I didn't really fancy pissing him off more so I just inclined my head a bit.

" What is it? " I asked knowing full well what he wanted to talk about. I was trembling like someone was shaking me and I shut my eyes trying to stop it.

"I think we need to talk. After a class wait for me in the hallway." I nodded without thinking. I will either get beaten up or just get told that I'm disgusting. I might as well just jump out of the window it sounds really tempting right now.