Between Two Worlds (Wattys 2016)

Chapter 33

                 

The sound of vibration wakes me up, even though it's damn early for me to wake up. I don't want to wake up, so mercy on whoever dares to disturb me. I turn around and the emptiness of my bed, gets it to wake me up fully. River never leaves bed, without saying something.

Somehow I manage to open my eyes and gaze around for River. It's crazy, how I still care about him, even though the pain down there reminds me of last night. It's crazy how I still have butterflies whenever I see him, even though his face changed for me, and still changes.

He isn't the sweet cute guy, looking like a swimmer or a surfer. Those kinds of boys, who remind you of summer. I don't know why he reminded me of summer, or a surfer, but somehow he did. He had a smile, that I still remember, but somehow it never appeared again. Somehow it feels like he changed massively since he is around me. A change I never wanted to.  He looks so different now, so much aggressive, so much introverted, closed like a book.

The same way, he looks at his phone to pick it up and to stop the damn vibration.

„What's it?" he says and puts on his jeans, takes his clothes in his hand to leave my room, without giving me a glimpse. It hurts.

I let my head fall back to pillow and I try my hardest to fall back to sleep, but he is haunting me even if I close my eyes. How the hell, should I handle the pain, when he really leaves me? Will it hurt, or will I be able to recover soon and don't think about him anymore?

I took a shower, because River woke me up and sleep didn't want to pick me again and because somehow I smelled like alcohol, sweat and sex. Too much sex.

My mother was wide awake, and she looked somehow fresh again. I decided to help her with making breakfast and so we talked a bit. Apparently Diana called her this morning and told her that we came home a bit late, but my mother didn't bother to ask when or why, because she was asleep anyway. It's confusing for me a bit, how my mother can be so easy-going but maybe she is relaxing, because Diana moved out, I finished high-school and it's summer. Maybe it's that.

Luckily Diana didn't tell her about the fight, police and all discussion with Martin. Luckily.

After I've pleased River the whole night, made him calm down this way, I decide to learn a bit more for my audition in September.  I know, until September there is approximately six week left but times flies, and somehow it amazes me, that I know River for three weeks. Three weeks have passed, and so many things have happened. Maybe good, maybe bad.

„Abby, honey!" My mother calls me out.

„Yeah?" I say, and pop my head out of the guest room, where the piano is placed.

„Can you please take Théo for a walk? Aiden did it nearly every day and now he is too busy. He said, you should also take him and well, you know how stubborn he can be in that case." She tells me, and somehow it reminds me of my father. My father can also be stubborn and it annoys me sometimes really badly.

„Okay, I'll be back in a minute." I say and hush back to the guest room, to take all my notes and get them to my room. What is River doing in his room? I pull over a thin pullover and head back down, to get Théo and go outside.

Just as I expected, the weather was cold and windy but somehow it felt comfortable. Somehow.

I think about next week and it's not so overbooked as I thought. Actually the only important thing is my test on Tuesday. Maybe I don't look like that, but I really pay attention to have good grades, even though I might look like I barely care about myself. Actually that's true. I barely care about myself, that's why I'm hanging on River, but it's not that bad, or is it?

I shake my head, trying to push away those thoughts, which haunts me nearly every day. It annoys me critically that everything I can think about is River. I know, deep down he is just a broken boy, but I don't know why. I even don't know why I'm hanging on him, a boy I obviously tried my best to avoid through all of my high school years. I was that girl, who rolled her eyes about girl that sobbed in the toilet, because their boyfriend broke up with them. I was the girl, that never turned around when some stupidly good looking boy from the basketball team, crossed my way, sweaty in their costumes and whistled at me. Did I look like a dog? No, so why should I have turned around? Yes, because I'm a girl and I should be treated with respect and I didn't deserve a whistling sweaty boy, who probably got laid at every break with another girl. I was that girl, who never waste a second on boys like that. I never wasted any second with a boy, beside Will. But how comes it, that I keep myself content, with a boy, that maybe doesn't love me the way I do. But how do I love him? Is this love? Or am I playing? Are we playing? I can't stop thinking and thinking, and fucking think about that topic, and I hate that it occupies me for hours, days, weeks.

Deep laughing and chattering, interrupt my depressive thoughts and as I turn around, they turn into some more depressive thought. What the hell are these Londoner boys doing here?

I see how the directly come to my way, but how should I hide myself? There isn't a way I can avoid crossing their ways, without facing them. Desperately I take Théo into my arms, and jump into a little hedge, which is big enough to hide me.

Disgusting many bugs and spiders are crawling on my shoes, but I can't jump around like there is no one around. There is someone around. Someone I really want to avoid, because last night was quite awkward. I pray Théo won't make any voices and won't bark if he sees a spider.

"Where is here a good pub?" one of them asks. Okay, now I'm eavesdropping.

"Don't know, I don't really like that city, so don't ask me. I'm never out." That familiar voice, says in its deep and raspy voice. The award of most deep and raspy voice goes to Harry.

"Okay, let's just look around. – Liam, did you call Danielle? You said, you want to call her, or something." I think that's Jeremy voice now.

I don't know what Liam answers him, but well, I couldn't care less, because they are gone now. I come out of my little ambush and continue my walk with Théo.  Théo did a great job, by being quiet.

Back at home, I help my mother with the dinner and she tells me, that she is going to be very busy, the next week, because she'll help Diana and Martin with their new furniture and apparently River offered her his help. How gentle of him!

During dinner, everything was quiet and the silence was bothering me a bit.

Lie, it killed me actually. I hate it to see, how everyone is way too focused on their plate but don't start a conversation. My father always tended to start the conversation during dinner or lunch, just to ask us silly question like 'How was your day' , 'What did you do so' and more of that cliché questions. Back then, it annoyed me so much, that I was really considered to smash that plate on his face to shut him up. Okay, maybe not that aggressive, but it really annoyed me. This silence is killing me!

But, somehow, I didn't say anything either. So we kept the silence until the next day. Even though I thought River might be mad at me, for no goddamn reason, he came to my room at the night and slept next to me. It felt good, feeling his warmth of his arms, wrapped around my waist from the back, as he cuddles with me. It felt good, lying next to him, without having sex or any other sexual affection. Just cuddling. But honestly, not even this felt as good as I always expected it, back then when I was daydreaming as a virgin, about the perfect boy I would date. And just to make a clarification: River wasn't the perfect boy, and he didn't give me the feeling being his perfect girl.

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