Alex had never felt like this.
It was new. Feeling like this. But it wasn't a good new.
It was actually an awful new.
It wasn't new like falling for Maggie every time she looked at her. It wasn't new like her girlfriend's fingers felt on her bare skin. It wasn't new like wrapping her arms around her girlfriend and spinning her and calling her baby girl with the biggest smile on her face.
It was new like panic. New like terrifying.
Alex tried to hug her knees closer to her chest, tried to make herself smaller, hoping that maybe she'd make herself small enough to disappear. She tried to calm her ragged breathing, tried to calm her shaking hands, tried to slow the flow of tears that clouded her vision.
She'd always been strong. She'd always been tough. Then why did she feel so fucking weak.
She tried to tell herself she was safe. She tried to tell herself that it was just water, it couldn't hurt her. But she picture her hand rattling the glass of her prison as the water seeped in the floor, surrounding her, suffocating her. She imagined her so close to death.
It was just water she told herself.
But her breath quickened and grew shallower. She knew she was hyperventilating, and her hands shook against her knees. The tears didn't stop. They didn't even slow. She was going to die. She was going to drown. She couldn't step in the shower, under the water, covering herself in the stuff that nearly killed her.
"Alex?" Maggie's voice sounded worried, panicked even, and Alex tried to call out in between sobs, but all that came out was a high pitched squeak.
Maggie threw open the bathroom door, already reaching for the gun clipped into her built, but she immediately lowered her hands when she saw what was in the bathroom. Alex, half undressed, curled in a ball in between the sink and the toilet, sobs racking her whole body. The water coming from the shower head had slowed to a trickle, but Maggie with glance, understood what had happened. She sat down next to Alex, wrapping her arms around her, holding her closer, close enough so their hearts beat as one.
"It's okay Allie," Maggie cooed, "You're going to be alright."
"I just feel so ashamed," Alex sobbed, "I'm a DEO agent and i'm scared of taking a fucking shower."
Maggie held onto her tighter, gripping her as another round of sobs ricocheted through her. She still shook, but less so, and her sobs became slower, her breath evening out. "it's okay Alex, it's okay to be afraid. You almost drowned for fucks sake." Alex quieted, burying into Maggie closer, never wanting to leave the safety and warmth her body offered.
"Please, help me." Alex cried softly, and Maggie knew, Maggie knew. So she turned the water on in the shower, letting the water pressure lessen, so Alex would barely feel it. Maggie stripped them both slowly, never once letting go of Alex, never once letting her slip back into the panic the water had brought on. Alex thought of how safe she felt in Maggie's arms. She didn't think about how she almost drowned. All she thought about was her body on her's, keeping her protected.
Maggie held her up, Maggie kept her safe. Maggie was there, they were in the shower, and Alex was afraid, but Maggie was there. And she loved Maggie. And Maggie loved her. And for her, that's all that mattered.
