Story Of My Life

Forbidden love Part 9

Those moments broke me but they also taught me all the lessons I have about life. That anger was changed into so many mixed sad emotions.

I used to think to myself:

How do I get rid of emotions I don't want them anymore?

You deserve someone who never stops trying to show how much you mean to them, even after they have you and I am the one you need.

Call me at 3am and tell me you can't sleep without me, and I will be there for you,

Light my heart and soul,

Come to me. Embrace me.

Fill me, make me whole.

I know I'm the best you'll ever had, let's just go back to the way it was

*8 months later*

There was a saying that even if the person goes, the memory of them stays with us. At some point it is true, each moment passed with them becomes just a memory, which may be good to leave us with a smile or just bitter thoughts behind.

I wasn't sure if i was  still in love with Mary or not. Saying it as was may be a lie, because i still am. Time healed me and solved many mysteries of inner me. I-- "Hammy, hammy,.....  Hammmmmmyyyy"  voice of Anah shook me from my thoughts. 

Clearing my throat, "I am here in the balcony Anah" I called out.

Just then I heard shuffling of feet and in matter of time Anah was in front of me with her wide smile, dimple resting on her left cheek.

"why are you standing out in the cold, you have rehearsals tomorrow, you don't want to catch cold when you are at it " Anah scolded.

" I just came here for fresh air "was my sheepish reply.
She playfully glared at me and shook her head, "well I am going to sleep now and you should too. You should look fresh it is an important one. Goodnight." giving me another smile, she padded away to her room.

Anah had uploaded the video of me performing in the bar. The views were not much in the beginning but later it was a big hit. It was then she forced me to do some more videos for her to upload. Later I started getting offers from different music directors.

Anah was managing all this, the appointments, the contracts,the concerts, organizing and arranging everything. She was basically my back bone now. I feel so lucky to have her in my life. I was living my life as I dreamed of. Just not with the person I dreamed with. But in spite of all that, there was a void I felt which increased by time.

The feeling of deep hole. The feeling of insecurity. The feeling of not being independent. No matter how much I tried not to think and convince myself that me and Mary weren't meant to be. I just couldn't help it. She was my first love. Even though it has been over an year since that incident, I could still feel the same pain everyday.

The feelings I felt for her would have taken to me to the top of the world. But now, the very same feelings is dragging me down to an endless pit of darkness.

I used all my pain and sorrows in my music. Being famous was never my priority in life but following what i love the most was always the one. I wanted to stop this feeling of getting hurt and even my behavior was so rude naturally, people still adored me and supported me .

May be i spoke of voice of many hearts which made fans going crazy about it .

I wouldn't deny that even after all those happened, I still couldn't forget her, May be it was love or hate which motivated me not stopping it . I sang with all my heart and soul and though the piercing I feel in my heart each time I think about her is increasing. But I couldn't help but fall in love with the pain too.