Help Her

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(This is the typed version of a handwritten transcript that I was given access to. The transcript itself is from a voice recording, but I have no idea where that is, or how the person who wrote the transcript obtained it. Due to the sloppiness of the handwriting and some water marks, some of the words are indecipherable, or maybe they were unintelligible from the recording. I cannot go into detail as to how I came across this transcript.)

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My name is Nathan B—–. If you can hear me — I don't know, if my phone manages to find a connection or someone finds my phone — then you need to know what happened. I'm not sure how long I have. (Rapid breaths, mumbling away from microphone) I'm in the Naval Reserves, okay? I've been through basic. And I'm scared right now. I think I'm going to die.

Fuck. Okay. I go to school up in Montreal, but my boyfriend's in — my boyfriend was in Concord, New Hampshire. We broke up. We broke up over the weekend, which is why I was in Concord in the first place. I thought I was going to have a great time with him this weekend. Friday he was barely looking at me, only talking about the Bruins-Habs game at dinner, not even asking about me or how I was. Went to sleep as soon as we got back to his place. Then he woke up, made toast and told me he wanted to end the relationship. Admitted he'd been sleeping someone else. The fucker.

God damn it, why am I even talking about this? No, wait, it matters. Because I was supposed to stay at his place until Monday, then make the trip back up. Instead I crashed at a buddy's place on Saturday night, got up early Sunday, threw all my stuff on my bike and blasted out of that damn town. I hit the freeway and lasted all of thirty minutes before I pulled off down a side road, skidded my bike to a stop and jumped off of it, cursing everything good in the world.

After about an hour of screaming and pounding my fists against the uncaring trees and maybe shedding a few tears, I realized I had to keep going. So I got back on my bike and headed back for the highway. But I was hungry, so before I got on the highway I made a (unintelligible) and kept going down the dusty road. It took me into a small town that probably didn't get many Harley Davidsons coming down its roads. I didn't fucking care. I was pissed. I'd wake the whole town up if I could.

I stopped at a general — oh fuck. (Movement. Rustling against the microphone.) Okay. The general store. Right. I went in, and the owner's looking at me like I'm bin Laden or something. I'm not really a big guy. Like, I'm lean as fuck, but I'm not going to tower over anyone. I think that's why he relaxed and looked away. I'm not gonna be committing any robberies.

There's a cooler at the back, and I grab a Coke out of it walk back to the cash. I hear a bell (Unintelligible) And now there's this tall, older man there, just pointing at things behind the counter. I really don't care. I'm stupid. I fucking should have.

But I see this girl with him, right? She looks maybe 11 or 12, like super-skinny and frail. And she's dressed like she's Amish. Well, they're both dressed that way. She's got one of those old white bonnets over her hair, wearing a black and white dress with buttons on the front that goes all the way down to her feet. And he's wearing a white dress shirt and black pants, but they're covered in dirt and look like they haven't been washed in years. And they smell, really, really bad.

Whatever though, right? They're off the church or something. Except then my eyes catch the girl's. She looks terrified, like she just came out of watching The Exorcist or something. That thousand-yard stare they've told us about, when soldiers are exposed to high amounts of stress and fear. She has those eyes, and they're surrounded by pale skin.

But it's more than that. (A cracking noise. The voice lowers) She looks familiar. I swear I've seen her before. Like she's one of my friends' little sisters. I'm trying to place her, but then I realize that it's impossible. I don't have any Amish friends, let alone ones that live in the middle of the Granite state.

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