Thirteen Reasons Why

Tape 5:Side B

*MATURE CONTENT*

I woke up, dead. I felt dead. Everything hurt. All I've done the last several days is sleep. Sleep. Eat. Sleep. Listen. Sleep. My heart hurts more than anyone could imagine. I needed to finish the tapes today. I snapped our vlog squad's group.

Me: Hey, I'm going to be very busy today so please do not text me or call me. Thanks. I will be muting the rest of my notifs.

Read by: Scotty💀, Gabbs🔥, Alex💩, Toddy, Dom👌, Liza🚀😊

Woah, wait. How could Liza read this message? She has a password on her Snapchat app. No one knows it but her. What the fuck is happening?

Maybe her parents got into her Snapchat some how. I don't know. I don't care.

Gabbs🔥: k
Scotty💀: got it man.. stay strong!
Alex💩: ok, if u need anything I'll be at Scotty's.
Toddy: k
Dom👌: can I have sex on ur bed later?!
Me: stfu Dom.. not in the fucking mood!
Dom👌: it was a joke man
Toddy: I thought we were leaving each other alone for today..
Me: bye
I muted my notifications for Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and Instagram. I turned on Do Not Disturb mode. Tape 10 was eyeing me. I grabbed it and placed it gently into the cassette.

"Hi, Welcome back."

I choked. I choked back tears, screams, and endless pain. My breaths were cut short. Everything started turning fuzzy. My head was spinning crazily. I couldn't hear anything but ringing in my ears. I looked at my hand because I felt a heavy weight. I just shot myself.

Everything turned black.

*Two Hours Later*

I was awake. My head was bandaged. The doctor came in swiftly, and fast.

"Mr. Dobrik. Thank you god, he woke up."

"Sir, what's happening?!"

"Well, David you tried to shoot yourself. Your roommate Alex called us. David, you are very lucky to be alive. Son, you have a whole life ahead of you."

"Doctor, with all honesty. I didn't know that I had a gun in my hand. I started feeling weird, I seen the gun, and next thing I knew I was out."

"Son, that's why we are diagnosing you with Clinical Depression. Alex filled us in on the whole story about your girlfriend. I am sorry for your loss. I will let you be." He started to walk away, when he stopped, and reached into his jacket. "Alex told me to give this to you. He said it should calm you down for the night."

"Thank you sir."

I smiled at the devilish play button once again. This would be the last day I listened to these tapes. I listened on.

"Want to know my pain? Well, here it is. I texted Josh Peck the night of my death.
"I'm Scared."

"What are you afraid of?"

"Living. Getting worse. Right now I don't even plan on making it to David's birthday. I'm so afraid that others will find out, my family and fans will find out. My parents call people like me weak and childish, attention seekers. I'm so terrified of waking up every morning. I'm afraid of going to bed every night, every night I'm stuck alone with my thoughts. I'm so scared that one day will cut and I won't stop. And if I manage to live, no will love me anymore because of it. It haunts me to think that my children could see my scars. It haunts me to think every time I get intimate with another they will see my scars. I'm afraid of gaining weight to the point that I won't eat sometimes. I'm afraid of breaking down one day in the middle of public, and not being able to control it. I'm afraid that I've gone crazy. I'm afraid of my thoughts. I'm afraid of how easy it would be for me to confidently walk into incoming traffic so easily and just end it all. Forever. I'm scared of how weak I am. I am scared of myself. Josh, will you help me?"

Read at 7:21 pm.

No response. Until 10:47 pm.

"Ask someone else."

Cries. On the inside, on the outside, on the moon, on the stars, and on every thing I could touch or look at.

I took a razor and cut my thigh. It's usually covered by underwear. It read, "I will see you on the other side of the stars."

Thank you Josh Peck. The hilarious actor. The megastar. The role model. Thank you for helping me talk myself more into killing myself. I really appreciate the advice buddy."

I grabbed another cassette. My body still numb. My head didn't pound anymore. I felt lifeless and empty once again.

I felt against tape 11. I thought about how Liza's fingers were on this tape, how she looked at this tape, and how she invented this tape.

I felt sad again. If I was with Liza that night, she wouldn't have been alone with nothing but her thoughts. I pressed play. Again.

Author's Note:
Hope you enjoyed. Love you guys! Thanks for reading. Don't forget to rate, comment, and follow. Bye!

-H🖤