The Veteran Left Behind - ON HOLD

Chapter 8

Ben sat in the armchair in the living room.  He grabbed his leg twisting his face in pain as he tried to pay attention to the TV.  He poured some whiskey in his glass and turned it up in his mouth appreciating the burn in his throat.  It took away the thought of his leg for a moment.  He poured himself another glass and flipped through the channels of the remote. 

"Another soldier was killed today in Afghanistan...." the news reporter said almost cheerfully as he quickly changed the channel.

He wasn't paying attention to what he was flipping the channels to anymore.  He walked over to the kitchen and stood in front of the pantry on one leg as he debated on what to eat.  He pulled out a box and knocked over a bottle he had sitting towards the back.  He picked up the bottle and caught a whiff of the distinguishing clean smell.  Memories of the DFAC came to mind.  The smell they used to clean the trays and the tables.  Ben shook his head not wanting anything to remind him of the military.  He threw the bottle in the trash trying to shake off the flashbacks. 

Nelson joking while they walked to the DFAC.  You can always catch that clean smell right when you were a few feet from the building. 

Ben threw the box of food on the counter no longer feeling hungry.  He plopped down on his chair again staring at the beige wall in front of him.  He put his hand to his temple and kept himself from going too deep in his thoughts. 

After a long period of time, Ben looked at his phone and saw all the text notifications from Radcliff.  He tossed it to the side and stood back up quickly.  Ben fell on the floor, his face almost making contact with the wood floor.

"Fucking leg!!!" he yelled grabbing the pained calf with a death grip.

He was sick of this.  He was sick of being held back by this limb.  Ben had a brief moment where he wished they would have just amputated the damn thing but quickly regretted it.  He remembered all the amputees in the hospital.  The phantom pain, the prosthetics that caused them more pain, the despair, and those who couldn't live with it anymore.  Ben slammed both of his hands on the wood floor and pushed himself up.  He grabbed the recliner and struggled to regain his balance. 

I just need to go to sleep.  Ben limped to the table next to the front door and grab the medicine he picked up earlier today.  He took a pill and swallowed it with the small bit of whiskey he had at the bottom of his cup. 

He hobbled to the bedroom and flopped on the bed.  He just wanted to be done with today. 

****

Machine guns flared and helicopters soared above.  Ben clutched his weapon and pushed his back again the wall where he stood.  As he rounded the corner with his weapon drawn, a blast shot through the air.  A man's scream erupted close by.  Nelson was laying on blood covered sand few yard ahead.  Ben ran to him and felt his heart sink.  Nelson's eyes staring above lifelessly.  Half his body looked like a wood chipper went through it.  Pieces of flesh were all over the sand.  Ben grabbed Nelson and dragged him to cover, trying to pick up all the pieces he could of his friend as he did with the sounds of bullets deafening him.  Ben laid Nelson down and saw his hands were dripping of his friend's blood. 

****

Ben shot up from bed dripping with sweat and shaking with adrenaline running through his body.  He threw his hands in front of him and saw just sweaty skin.  No blood.  But the smell.  That distinctive smell of copper and dirt that was embedded in his brain kept coming up.  He felt his eyes water and grabbed his chest as he heaved from holding back the sobs.  He threw the wet blanket off of him and limped to the living room. 

Ben grabbed the whiskey and started chugging from the glass container.  He slammed the whiskey bottle on the table next to his chair and stood in front of it.  As if waiting for the memories to fade. 

His brain felt like a fog.  His hands shook next to him as he stood rigid in place.  His eyes wandered throughout the room looking for a threat that wasn't there.  He limped quickly to the door, grabbed his cigarettes, and walked out the door with one in his mouth. 

The night air met his face, cooling the sweat droplets still clinging on his skin.  He leaned on the wood siding as he lit his cigarette looking at the quiet night sky.  Stars flickered above calming him slightly.  He pulled the phone out of his pocket, ignoring the notifications from Radcliff's texts and looked at the time.  It was almost 1:00 am. 

A single gunshot ignited nearby.  Ben hit the ground without thinking.  He quickly looked at his surroundings seeing a pair of headlights on the street from a noisy old truck.

Damn backfire.

Ben grabbed the side of the house to pull himself up cursing from the pain in his joints from hitting the ground so hard and noticed someone laying in the grass.  He watched as the form stood up as well.   It was Radcliff.

"Got to love backfire huh" responded Radcliff as he dusted off his shirt clearly. 

"What are you doing here?"

"You didn't respond to my text message."

"I tried to get some sleep."

Ben tried to put some of his weight on his bad leg and ended up crumbling to the ground again.

"Are you okay?" asked Radcliff as he rushed to him.

"I'm fine," responded Ben as he tried to pull himself up again.

"You don't look fine."

Radcliff put his arm underneath Ben to pull him up.  Ben grabbed his leg as sharp pain flooded him followed by tingling. 

"Your leg has been giving you some problems today?"

Ben nodded through gritting teeth. 

"Don't you have some pain killers for that?"

"Nope.  VA doesn't hand those out apparently."

Ben tried to put some weight on it again, with no avail. 

"I think my nerves have had it today.  I'm having patches of numbness in my leg."

"Do you want me to take you to the ER?"

"I don't think they can do anything for this."

"Are you sure?  If you can't put any weight on it, maybe you should get it checked out."

Ben stood on one leg as he quickly thought of his options.  He could either be in his apartment alone and not sleep from the pain.  Or, maybe they could do something about it at the hospital. 

"I guess I should go to the ER.  The pain hasn't been this bad in so long and I can't even walk on it."

"Let me take you.  We can talk on the way there."

Ben felt his stomach drop.  He didn't really want to talk after everything that happened today to Radcliff.  The drive to the VA hospital was 45 minutes away so this could be a long talk.  Ben slowly nodded and tried to take a step forward.  His leg shot with stabbing pain and throbbing. 

Radcliff noticed Ben's discomfort and put an arm around him to lead him to the car.  Ben buckled himself in sighing loudly as Radcliff went around to the driver's seat.  This is not how he wanted to spend the early hours of the morning.