Flower Boy (BoyxBoy)

xix

[4] Saved Drafts
To: warrenmoore@jmuniversity.com
Subject: Essay Project

Professor Moore,

So I just broke up with my girlfriend I can't stop thinking about that one time you criticized my ability to be a therapist and maybe you're right because how am I supposed to help other people who are feeling the same things as I am when I can't even help myself.  

i was so sure before, but what if i made the wrong choice

Last opened: 12:03 a.m.

kevin.

NAT DIDN'T ASK ME WHAT HAPPENED AT FIRST. He just pulled up to the curb and picked me up. I was kind of grateful--but I also kind of wanted to complain and explain why I'm not too much a dick. Maybe that way, I'd be able to fully understand what happened better.

When we got to his house, we walked in quietly, as to not wake his parents. We walked upstairs to his room without saying a word to each other.

"Here," he mumbled, handing me a little a thick blanket and a pillow.

"Thanks," I say. "I'm sorry."

"Don't sweat it," Nat smiles.

I spread the blanket out next to Nat's twin-sized mattress, which was on the floor instead of on a bed frame. I lay down and quietly sigh. I don't feel like changing my clothes or brushing my teeth. I just want to sleep.

But I can't.

My mouth itches to release the words which are trapped inside my throat. It's tight and constricting, making my nose crinkle and eyes burn.

"So, do you want to tell me what happened?" Nat finally asks from his bed a few inches above me.

"Kind of," I admit.

"Tell me," he coos.  "Gimme the tea."

He always talks about the "tea," which I never understood.  It started out of nowhere, and suddenly whenever someone has news, he calls it "tea."  It's whatever though, it kind of makes me laugh.  Tonight it doesn't though.  

I think for a minute, trying to make up my mind; to try and create sentences out of the words that are scrambled in my aching head.

"It's my fault," I finally say. I sigh and rub my face roughly. "I didn't even give her any reasons. I just broke up with her."

"Oh shit, you broke up with Isabel?"

"I don't know.  I was so sick of being in the dark with her.  I never knew anything, never saw anything--we were both in two different worlds."

"Is that it?"

I cock my head at him.  "What?"

"I mean--There's no other reasons you broke up with her?"

"Did you expect something else?"

Nat shifts in his bed.  "I just thought... maybe you were considering someone else."

I look up at Nat, wondering if he could decipher my expression in the full moon's light that leaked through his curtains.  I raise my eyebrows as if to ask, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Nat shrugs his shoulders and falls back into his bed.  "I see how you come into work every day; all smiley and blushed--"

"You mean, like, how you get after walking in cold weather?" I ask, suddenly angry.  "The kind of blush that comes from a cold-ass morning walk?"