sanvers one shots

"i've got you"

~ this is an AU where maggie has obsessive compulsive disorder; if u want more info there is plenty available on the internet but i had a fun idea and ran with it :-) it's also part 1 of a longer story so we'll see where it goes ~

Maggie paced the apartment, fretting and going through the packing list just one more time. Having given up trying to ease her girlfriend's distress, Alex lounged comfortably with her feet resting on her suitcase, allowing Maggie to mutter to-dos under her breath until she felt ready to go.

"Toothbrush, sunscreen, 3 t-shirts, socks – SOCKS!" Maggie rushed out of the room, in search of the socks she'd packed two days ago. Alex sighed, pulled them out of her bag, and calmly approached the nervous wreck digging through her drawers.

"Alex, this is hardly the time to -" Maggie turned on her heel and paused, noticing the balled up fabric Alex held up to her, "... oh. Uh, thanks."

She smiled sheepishly as Alex handed them to her and held her gaze, displaying unconditional patience and love. Maggie's fondness of control was old news to Alex, and she actually didn't mind relinquishing her own power once in a while; Maggie and she were kindred spirits, and Alex trusted her to make the right decisions. With minutes until their airport taxi arrives, however, Alex knew she had to keep Maggie from spiralling further. She reached for Maggie's wrist and gently dragged her thumb along her forearm, encouraging her to slow down and take a breath.

"Hey, listen to me. You packed everything you need, okay? You're ready. I brought extras of a few things, just in case," Alex gently reassured, "let me take care of it. I'll double check the list and if we forget anything, we can charge it to the DEO, they're covering the room."

Maggie nodded, releasing a breath she didn't know she was holding. She handed the pad of paper to Alex and smiled, communicating her gratitude. Alex admired the colour-coded and alphabetized checklist as she crossed off the items.

"We're ready. Let's go, international flights have longer lines for security!" Alex swung a duffel bag over her shoulder and grabbed the handle of Maggie's suitcase, dragging it behind her when she heard Maggie start to mumble again. They reached the elevator before Maggie realized she'd left the apartment door wide open, and ran back to lock it up.

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Flight 23904 to Buenos Aires is now boarding.

Maggie was glued to her seat, tapping her foot in patterns of 3 until the anti-anxiety pill kicked in. Alex had gone in search of snacks, promising to return within a few minutes, and everything around this seat was spinning. Maggie's heart raced as she fidgeted in her chair, whispering phrases over and over to keep the violent images in her mind at bay.

"She sells seashells by the sea shore. She sells seashells by the sea shore. She sells seashells by the sea shore," she muttered, willing away the vivid plane crashes she could see all too clearly. Maggie's OCD had been mostly manageable since getting treatment, but flying was a particularly stressful event for her, and she avoided it when possible.

Flight 23904 to Buenos Aires is now boarding.

Alex jogged back to the gate with a bag of peanuts and some bubble gum. She turned the corner and saw her girlfriend rocking back and forth in her seat, in obvious distress.

"Hey, hey, Maggie sweetie I've got you. I'm here," Alex cooed, kneeling on the floor in front of her and grasping her hands. She couldn't stop fidgeting, so Alex wrapped her arms tightly around Maggie and swayed with her, a coping technique Maggie had shown her, "I've got you."

Maggie's silent tears turned to hiccupping sobs as she sunk into Alex, curling her legs up into a ball and gasping to breathe. The line of passengers waiting to board was still long and Alex assured her that she could take as much time as she needs, there's no rush, to just focus on the sensation of her body in the chair and air filling her lungs.

--

Ten minutes passed just like this, Alex uttering words of comfort; Maggie buried her face in Alex's neck as her heart rate slowly returned to its normal range, matching her breathing with Alex's.

"You're okay. You're safe here, it's okay, I know this is scary and I promise it will go away," Alex whispered, rubbing her back. Maggie took a shaky breath and lifted her head, looking Alex in the eyes to give a strained smile and nod. Alex gave her a sip of water as she began to stabilize, providing help and comfort as well as she knew how.

"If you need more time I can ask them to hold," Alex offered, hating to see her partner in such a battered state.

"I think... I think I'm okay now." Maggie shook her head and stood, determined and still quietly crying. Alex grabbed their bags and passports, handling all the discussion so Maggie had space to collect herself. This wasn't the first panic attack Maggie'd had around her, but it was the worst one, and Alex knew how difficult it was for her to show vulnerability. The line had mostly boarded the plane, so she held Maggie's elbow and led her to the desk, showing their tickets and ID. Maggie kept her eyes shut throughout this encounter, and the attendant waved them through.

"Let's wait here for a few minutes, we can be the last ones to board. Can I help?" Alex's low voice gently broke through Maggie's bubble and she opened her eyes, beginning to feel relief from the meds she'd taken earlier. She just wrapped her arms around Alex, gripping tightly to express what she couldn't right now with words. Alex held her head in one hand and massaged her back with the other, guilty for leaving in the first place.

"I'm sorry," she murmured into Maggie's hair, "I shouldn't have left you alone. I read in a book once that peeling an orange is a good mindfulness activity to manage anxiety on flights, so I went to find one... It's in my bag, if you need it."

Maggie looked up at her, falling even deeper in love with this incredibly thoughtful woman. She smiled so much her cheeks hurt and her eyes began to water again, overcome by gratitude. She didn't need to say anything and Alex just held her, pressing her lips to Maggie's head.

"I'm ready now," Maggie weakly declared, taking Alex's hand to walk to the door of the plane. She mustered her courage and stepped on, located their seats, and sat down; her movements were unnatural and almost robotic as she performed the routine she'd visualized for days. Alex sat down next to her and held her hand as the crew prepared for the flight.

Takeoff went smoothly, and Maggie distracted herself with a small puzzle toy she used when she was younger. Once they were stable in the air, she shifted her weight and reached for Alex's cheek, turning her face to meet hers.

"Thank you, Alex."

"I want you to feel safe, and whether the threat is out here or in there," Alex replies, tapping Maggie's head, "I'm always going to protect you. Always."

Maggie presses her lips to Alex's, pouring into her every ounce of love in her heart. This feeling was unparalleled, inimitable, and inconceivably deep; so complex that every day yielded new depths and layers, new reasons to stay, and they fell harder for each other with each passing second. Maggie flips the armrest between them up to hold Alex's face in both hands. She pulls away and meets her eyes.

"I love you, Alex."

"I love you."

- to be continued -