Child David
Jacob's focus as a young boy was that of identity. Jacob's father (Richard) had left when Jacob was three years old. Jacob's mother (Lou) resented his father throughout Jacob's childhood and until her final days. Jacob's younger sister (Diana) as girls often do learned how to be a woman through her mother and clung to Lou for protection and security, physical as well as emotional.
Lou blamed Jacob's father for the hurt in their lives and the hurt in his mother's life was evident. Jacob realized that he was a man and that he should be as his dad was but was told that Jacob was not like his dad by his mother. He was confused and did not understand who he was. Jacob prayed to God that Jacob could have a father in his life, another man for him to model himself after. Jacob loved his mother and was eager to gain her acceptance but was constantly confused by the conflict and love she had for Jacob but not other men.
Jacob's only role model was his grandfather, he learned later that his mother had what was probably a deep resentment within herself and towards her father because she became pregnant at a young age and was sent off to a Catholic home to give her child away.
Jacob's grandfather passed when he was twelve years old and he sought out a male exemplar. The family moved into their grandfather's home after he passed. The neighbors included five boys. The youngest was Jacob's age and the oldest was 15 years older. He began to spend many hours in their home and learned that they enjoyed marijuana and alcohol, well the older boys did.
The oldest son (Carl) was married and while Jacob was at the reception he began to drink champagne. An older girl there, I imagine 17 or 18 began making out with Jacob. At the time he had moved into the garage. Jacob invited her and some other over to the garage. They played def Leopard and made out. Jacob had not even develop and was scared to death that he may fail or do something terrible with the girl. He did however enjoy this attention from someone he hardly even knew. The idea to Jacob that he could gain so much attention from a complete stranger, to be intimate made him feel wanted and some sort of relationship.
Jacob later became violently ill from the cheap champagne but was well on his way to acceptance. The neighbors began buying Jacob forties of beer before school. He would take his clanging back pack to junior high school, ditch school and sneak into the nearby creek where Jacob would drink with new different friends he began meeting who also enjoyed drinking.
Jacob found himself to be somewhat popular with the new group of girls in junior high school and to in a way enjoyed the attention without actually knowing what to do with the new fame. Jacob wanted to fit in so he began dissociating myself with his old friends who did not do drugs and started pursuing friends that enjoyed drugs and alcohol.
Jacob's friends changed as he pushed good people away and sought friends in dysfunctional families. He was happy to find people without fathers, he finally felt normal. Jacob also began to enjoy getting high and being intoxicated. He also wanted to separate himself from his mother and sister who he found no identity in.
One of Jacob's friends Michael Jones. Jones was full of charisma, strength and confidence, Jones drove a big 4x4 pick up truck and a new motorcycle. Jacob idolized Jones and soon became a companion. Jacob had gone to Jones' home that he was living in San Luis Obispo California and found himself in a coke party. He began talking to an older man who started doing lines of cocaine with Jacob. Jones was nowhere around and Jacob searched around looking for him. The older man Jacob was with, dumped out an eight ball of cocaine and told him Jones and some others where in the next room and that the older man would do the entirety of his cocaine with me if Jacob did not got into the other room. Jacob agreed but had to see what Jones was doing. Jacob found him with others in the next room, looking like they were in almost a trance. They were cooking and smoking cocaine. Jacob soon found himself involved with a new addiction and enjoyed the head change of inhaling cocaine into Jacob's lungs.
