Blow me away- Phillip hamilton

I'm gone

Phillips POV

I felt a sharp pain in my hip and arm. I looked up at George and he had a stunned look on his face. He looked down at the gun and then threw it to the ground. I fell with it. I cried out as I fell onto my wound. I could hardly see.

I heard rushing foot steps.
"Oh Phillip, why? Oh my lord. What... What am I gonna do?"
I looked up to see Rose. The love of my life. I can't leave her. I have to stay alive. For her. I smiled, trying to keep her going but it made me cough and I felt a liquid rise and soon it was bright red and on her dress. She didn't even notice.  She just wiped my face gently. I wonder if she'll ever use that handkerchief again. I won't know though will I.

"My darling Rose..."
I whisper, just loud enough to be heard. I feel some one pick me up and carry me, Rose still at my head. She whispered lovingly in my ear. I was lifted onto the boat, my head resting in her lap. I looked up at her face. The face I woke up to see every morning. Her dear freckles, her sparking blue eyes, her lips that I wanted to just lean down and kiss me with. But I won't be kissed. Not again.

Rose smoothed my hair away from my forehead, something she knew I loved and would often do when we were lying in bed. I would lay in her lap and she would brush the little hairs away from my face, smoothing it down till it was almost slick. She would then tie it back with a soft grey ribbon into a ponytail at the nape of my neck. I want those moments again. Please God let me live.

We arrived back and I heard shouting, and a man with a form voice. I heard Rose call out and clutch onto me. I felt a tear fall onto my cheek and roll into my mouth. It's saltiness mixed with the taste of iron in my mouth and I coughed again, bringing up what was left in my mouth and more.

I was carried on a stretcher and I soon heard Aunt Angelicas voice but not cool and collected or kind and funny, abrupt and panicky. I was placed onto a sofa, a pillow propped my head up slightly. I was looking directly at Rose. She is so beautiful.

"Oh Phillip. My husband. Why you? Why not me? I can't live without you my darling! Oh no."  She lay her head on my chest, and I took her hands in mine. Yet I had only one thought.
"Look after our children for me." I begged. I need Violet to be safe. I need our baby, not yet born to be safe
" I will I will I promise!" She said into my chest.

She looked up at me, her face streaked with tears. It reminded me of the time when I was turning 18. God she looked so good that day. I'm surprised Violet was made sooner.

" do you know what I wished for on my birthday last year?"
She shook her head, her hair with a slight bounce
"I wished that I would be able to take care of you for my entire life. But I can't. Oh lord I don't want to die. I can't die Rose help me! I don't want to die I can't Rose I can't leave you I can't leave Violet I can't leave the baby I can't leave ma and pa and Angie and John oh my lord save me I can't die. Not now." I panicked I'll be so alone.
I heard her say something but I couldn't hear anything over my own sobs. I cried and cried and cried.

I heard pa's voice in the hall and tried to sit up but Rose pushed me back down, gently but firmly. I heard the door pushe open.
"Phillip!"
"Pa." I said, with little energy left in me. I never regained his legacy. But I have to make him proud. So I said the only thing I could think.
"I did exactly as you said pop. I Held my head up high."
"I know, I know, shhhh." He said, his hands holding onto my left hand.
"Even before we got to ten" Rose let out a little sob at this and I squeezed her hand even harder, trying to comfort her.
"I was aiming for the sky."
"Save your strength and stay alive son. I love you."
I heard the door be flung open. and skirts rustling.
"Eliza!" Pa said and I felt relief.
"Is he breathing is he going to survive this?" She grabbed my face, pushing pa out of the way. She looked back up at him.
"Who did this Alexander did you know?"

I reached up and grabbed her dress, I didn't want her shouting my head was already hurting.
"Mum I'm so sorry for forgetting what you taught me."
"My son." She teared up, her words a mess.
"When we played piano, you would put your hands on mine." My favourite memory of ours. When I was nine I wanted to learn the piano. I would count in French playing the keys to accompany the words, trying to get it right and failing.
"You changed the melody every time." She smiled stoking his face.

I coughed spitting in blood into mums face but she didn't wipe it off. Rose got her handkerchief out of her pocket, and wiped my face. I felt the soft silk gliding down my face, and I looked back down at Rose who was now near my crotch. She'd only been there three times before. Four now. And only four. I took her hair in my hand.

"My wife. I love you."
" I love you Phillip."

She sobbed and looked at my hip. It lead my eyes down there but father tilted my head away before I could see. Rose looked at the wound for a second then screamed in my shirt but was downed out by her crying.  Father put his arm around her and I longed to do the same.

I felt bile rise in my throat and I leaned over the Side of the bed, throwing up down ma's skirt. I gasped and then coughed again. Blood, spit sick. This is it. Rose lent on her crying out as if she were the one in pain.

I've never imagined death.
But is this where it gets me, lying in a bed my family around me.
I see it coming, I can't do anything.
There is no rhyme, no melody
Rose, the love of my life, my partner
The last face I ever see.
I've throw away my shot and this is where it gets me?
What if that bullet is my legacy?
What is a legacy?
It's planting flowers in a garden you never get to see.
I wrote some lines at the begging of a poem some one will sing for me.
Rose you great unfinished symphony you sent for me.
You let me make a difference,
In a home where even men like me can leave their finger prints
And rise up.
I'm running out of time
I'm running
And my times up.
Wise up.
Eyes up.
I catch a glimpse of the other side
Peggy welcomes me with open arms,
My grandmothers on the other side.
Grandfather is watching from the other side
Teach me how to say goodbye!
Rise up,
Rise up,
Rise up

Rose.

My love take your time.
I'll see you on the other side.
I hope I've blown you all away.

"I love you all pleas don't grieve. Rose I-"
Blood. Cough. Cough. Blood. Shaky shudder. A loud yell.
"Mum help me!" I screamed out in pain, my hip hurting so much more then anything I've ever felt, my life flashing before my eyes. No. Stop! I want to go home! blood seeped out of the corner of my mouth.

Goodbye.