band aids ↠ joshler ✔

t h i r t y

(trigger warning)

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tyler didn't believe it at first.

how could he?

the love of his life. his josh.

the one who brought him joy while they were stuck together. the one who played with his hair when he was having an episode. the one who made him smile wider than anyone ever did.

the one who killed his mother.

tyler pushed away from him so fast, everything was a blur.

his feet were running- he was running. he didn't know to where, he didn't know towards what, but he needed to leave.

he never wanted to see josh again.

he was running so hard and so fast, he almost tripped multiple times.

but he kept going without thinking; without breathing, without caring.

until he stopped in front of a hotel.

and he stared at it.

his feet ached.

his heart ached worse.

and he thought long and hard.

and he walked through the doors.

using every last cent in his wallet, he rented the presidential suite for one night.

the room was magnificent.

ceiling to floor curtains, a bed for a king, and even a steinway in the corner.

he remembered piano.

he used to love it.

he used to love a lot of things.

and even though the room was the one of his, and anyone really's, dreams, he really couldn't care less.

his heart was pounding a thousand beats per minute, every beat hurting more and more.

his head was spinning. the soles of his feet were burning.

he felt exiles. he felt trapped. he felt anything but free.

stuck in a hotel room.

stuck between two destinations, one of happiness and letting go, and the one that he was closer to.

so far from help. so far from feeling better.

too far.

there was no hope.

his mom was dead.

josh was dead to him.

what else was there to do?

how could be be alive for such a long number of years, and yet still like a kid just learning new information daily?