The First Lost Boy (Wattys 2017) ON HOLD

t w e n t y • e i g h t

The moment the words left Harry's mouth, a silence so strong enthused the hut. Gwen's face had noticeably paled of color and Harry, worried about her well being, took a step towards her. Gwen could only shake her head, holding her hand up in a silent plea for him to stop where he was. Though it killed him to do so, he kept his distance and swallowed thickly when Gwen suddenly sat up, pushing herself onto her feet. She wavered briefly and Harry quickly moved forward to steady her but the moment his fingers touched her arm, she ripped herself away as if he'd just burned her.

"Don't touch me."

Her voice was like ice and it chilled Harry to his heart, making him still in place. He retracted his hand, green eyes watching as she righted herself on her feet before finally meeting his eyes. For once, he couldn't read her the way he usually can and that frightened Harry. Because, she was looking at him like she didn't recognize who he was. "How long have you known there was a way out?" Harry stayed silent and Gwen straightened her back, her hazel eyes daring him to lie again. He wouldn't. He'd never lie to her again if this was the way she'd look at him. "Answer me."

"I found out a year after I arrived." He confessed, looking down at the floor when Gwen's face twisted with disbelief.

"Who else knows?"

"About the way out?"

"Yes."

"Just me," he mumbled and hung his head. "The lost boys don't know."

The thick silence was almost too much for him and Harry decided, that he didn't like the calmness Gwen was showing. He much preferred it if she shouted at him, that way he'd know that she were angry with him. Her calmness unnerved him and made him uneasy; he couldn't read her or see the emotions displayed on her face. He usually knew how to go about situations based on her emotions and expressions but he couldn't do that when her face looked so...blank.

"I can't believe you." She said after a long moment, eyes finally showing one emotion. Anger. "You've been not only keeping it from them, but you lied. You lied to me. Why would you keep this from me?" Her voice raised in volume and Harry felt both relieved and cautious over the building of anger. "You knew how I felt. You knew there was a life waiting for me back in England and you deliberately kept it from me!"

He jumped when she shouted and Gwen took a step forward, jabbing her finger into his chest. "After hearing about how I missed home, you still hid the truth. Why?"

"I didn't want you to leave me." He blurted out truthfully, his eyes searching Gwen's face in a pleading. "I knew the moment I told you, you'd want to go."

"So you hid the truth so I wouldn't? You made the decision for me?" He noticed the way a vein popped out in her forehead as she shouted and looked down to the floor when he saw the way she kept looking at him. He hated it. The disappointment and utter betrayal she was feeling finally displayed for him to see and it tore him apart inside to know he was the cause of it.

"I'm selfish," he told her truthfully and met her eyes with sorrow in his. "I knew it was wrong to hide it from you but I wanted to know you. I wanted more time. I planned to tell you-, eventually, but I suppose I wanted you to fall in love with the island first before I did. Then maybe, you'd choose to stay despite knowing you could go. It's no excuse for my doing but it's the truth."

"The truth is what you should have given me from the beginning." Her words were thick with emotion and he knew by the way she blinked rapidly that she were trying not to cry. And he hated himself even more for doing this to her.

"I'm sorry." He whispered and Gwen looked away, swallowing the ball forming at the back of her throat down. She refused to cry, not when she needed to think clearly. For both her and her baby's well being. She still cared for Harry deeply, so much so, she was sure she loved him and she knew she'd forgive him but this child became her number one priority the moment she found out about her or him. She couldn't dwell on the betrayal and hurt she felt. She needed to get off the island.