Days passed by and they practiced ever so hard for a joint practice game they were having with Nekoma and other teams Hinata wasn't familiar with. He wasn't satisfied with the fast attack—he wanted more control, though he wasn't sure how to achieve such a thing.
He stared at Kageyama for a moment before opening his mouth to say something.
"Hinata cover it!" Tanaka yelled, but the words slipped through his ears as he stood still, simply staring at the tall, dark haired male.
The ball landed on Hinata's head and to his dismay, he was switched out. His thoughts were jumbled, but the same words flickered in his mind.
I want control
I want control
I want control
I want control
I want control
He wasn't sure how to accomplish such a task when he lacked experience. He wanted to ask the others for help, but he had a feeling they'd turn him down.
Hinata sighed, ruffling a hand through his orange tresses.
Maybe if I start training harder? Will that help me become a better player?
Okay! What should I do to help me train for the joint match? Possibly 50 high jumps and run twice as much! Yes! I can do this!
With that, Hinata impatiently waited until he was brought back into the game. When Coach Ukai finally switched him in, he was bouncing with joy.
The ginger eyed the ball as Tanaka received it, but hit it just short of the net. Hinata speedily hit it to The vicinity of Kageyama who easily set it to Asahi, to Hinata's displeasure. Asahi easily spiked the ball with a powerful hit, as if the blockers would have their arms ripped off.
Coach Ukai blew the whistle indicating to start ending the game and clean up.
Hinata's team was a bit behind, though they could easily catch up if they tried.
If only they'd give me the ball... Hinata thought, irritation picking at the crevices of his happy, go-lucky facade.
Or is it because I'm not good enough? Is it because the only thing I'm capable of is a lame fast attack which any person can block? Is that why the won't give me the ball?
I want control
I want control
I want control
I want control
I want control
Hinata clenched his fist as he noticed Kageyama setting the ball to him. Everyone was covered and it seemed as if everything became slower. Hinata sprung himself into the air, his eyes automatically closing. He swung his arm as fast as he could and forcefully impacted the ball onto the other side.
He opened his caramel hues just as the ball bounced onto the other teams' side. But Hinata wasn't satisfied. He wanted more control in his attack. He didn't want to be constantly aiming for nothing. He never knew what a team had up their sleeves, especially since they were all familiar with his special attack.
A thick silence hung in the air as the small first year panted, trying to catch his breath as he eyed his teammates warily.
"Why are you all staring at me?"
Sugawara smiled before walking towards the ginger and patting his head reassuringly.
"Hinata, are you okay?" His voice was soothing, like a mother's. It was as if Suga was speaking to him as a parent—like he was the child.
Hinata averted his eyes before nodding. "I'm fine. Why?"
"You're crying." He replied gently, as if the younger boy was a fragile baby bird that would simply give up if not treated carefully.
Hinata brushed his fingers against his eyes and surly enough, he was crying. The warmth of the tears was enough to send him in to a shock of overwhelming sadness as he stood there. For a moment, he was filled with grief, but it was quickly replaced with embarrassment.
He turned on his heel before sprinting out the gymnasium, tears filling his eyes like an overflowing river. The clear droplets slid down his pink-tinted cheeks as he pushed himself to flee faster. He didn't want to be caught, nor did he want to be comforted by his team. He wished to be alone. Although, from the sound of footsteps behind him, he knew otherwise.
Hinata endeavored to compress the anguish that wracked his body and wished to be released through horrifyingly, disgusting sobs.
A hand latched itself onto the orange-haired boy's wrist, startling him. He recognized the warmth of the hand and the constraint it held. Hinata was swirled around until he was facing the all too familiar scowl that belonged to Kageyama.
"What the hell is the matter with you?" Kageyama asked, clearly upset.
"I..." Hinata started, but it was as if the words vanished from his tongue and were swallowed by the overpowering monster of anxiety. I can't do this... He thought as he stared into the setter's piercing gaze which suddenly softened.
"What's the matter?" Kageyama asked again, but this time the tone of his voice changed. It was gentle, like a warm breeze that flows in the spring.
He suddenly pulled the pained boy into a hug. "I-I'll..." There was a small pause as Kageyama desperately wished to communicate his thoughts.
"I'll listen," he managed to utter.
Hinata's glistening hues widened as an ineffable, heavy weight was abruptly released from his wavering shoulders.
The two boys sat down and Hinata attempted to explain his thoughts.
"I want to be better. I want to stand on the court with everyone, but...I feel as if everyone is running past me and competing on the next level without me. I want to be of use! I want to be a major asset to the team, but I feel as if I'm only holding them back..."
Kageyama's eyes enlarged at the ginger's insecurities. He was speechless and didn't know how he could help. He couldn't come up with something to ease the other boy's anxiety, but he wanted to. He desperately wished he could make Hinata's worries disappear, he just didn't understand how he could.
He placed a hand on Hinata's head and reassuringly patted him. The setter's fingers easily slipped through the tangled mess of the orange tresses. They were damp from the sweat the decoy produced, but they remained soft.
"Just go home, Hinata..." Kageyama whispered.
Hinata nodded solemnly, a pang of fear spiking his heart. He didn't bother going back to retrieve his stuff, he decided he'd just go and pick it up in the morning.
He arrived home, anxiety overwhelming him as he snuck through the back door again. He grabbed a random pair of clothes and showered.
He sat on his bed for a moment, contemplating his decisions and what he should do. The anxiety never left him as he was slowly falling asleep.
YOU ARE READING
Exposed
Fanfiction«The silent pain of trying to be who you are even though you know you won't be accepted. The struggle of trying to hide your secrets when you participate with others who thrive for the darkest of hidden things. The fibs you whisper to others in an a...
