all night | josh beauchamp

[ two ]

"AH, SHIT!" i screamed.

i playfully slapped Josh in the chest while he was laughing his ass off, after I hit my head against a pole in front of MDC. we left our other friends and wanted to hang out alone after not talking for such a long time.

rubbing my forehead, i looked at Josh, who had both of his arms on his knees as he was gasping for air from laughing too hard.

i wanted to jokingly nag at him for not asking me if i was okay or for not helping me but the problems of him being my crush arose. i didn't want to come off too rude, or he might stop liking me as a friend. i didn't want to come off too wild and crazy, or he might reconsider hanging out with me.

my paranoid mind was driving me crazy before i could even realize that i was staring at Josh who was still panting. a small smile found its way to my face and i patted him on the back, asking

"you good, josh?"

"yeah, i'm good. i should be the one asking you if you're okay. after all, you were the one that hit your head against a pole after going on and on about your favourite superheroes."

i chuckled and told him that we should get going if we wanted to get to the park in time to watch the sunset and catch up on everything we've missed.

josh was one of my first friends when i first moved to LA. i'm the girl who hopelessly grew to like her guy friend. as cliché as it is, it was the truth. josh wasn't my best friend but he was one of my close friends. he didn't know everything about me and vice versa. it took me two months to start liking him more than just a friend and over these two months, we've only gotten closer. he went back to Canada for two weeks a while ago and i haven't seen him since, until today.

we arrived at the park and took a seat at the bench while chatting about nonsensical things.

"so, you got any new guys that you're interested in, huh?" josh smirked at me.

"actually, no. same old, same old." i shrugged. lies.

"what about you?" i asked him, hoping that he'd say he wasn't interested in anyone at the moment. i'd rather have him not liking anyone rather than liking someone that isn't me, as selfish as that sounds.

"i got a girl in mind."

i faked a smirk and decided to play along.

"oooh. who is she josh? tell. me. more."

"she's just a girl that i've known for quite some time now -"

holy guac. could he be talking about me?! as paranoid as my mind is, i had the soul of one positive and hopeful child.

"- but i've only gotten around in starting to talk to her just lately. her name is Faith, and i think you guys would get along great."

and at that last sentence, i felt my heart sink a little. just a little heartbreak won't hurt right? after all, i'm just an Indonesian girl who has a whole future waiting for her. i'm 18 for goodness' sake. this little conflict with Josh was probably going to go away before i even realize it.

i nodded my head and smiled half-heartedly.

"don't worry though. we aren't anything serious. just chatting for now but i think we both know how one feels about the other, but i'd definitely tell you if we become legit," Josh sheepishly smiled at me.

i didn't need to question him further as i knew what he meant. they both knew that they both liked each other. yay! a new soon-to-be couple that i'd have to put up with.

"so? what are you doing just looking at me like that? just tell me more about her already," i asked him, just like any good friend would.

then, that's how my day ended. with josh going on and on, dreamily describing his new crush. this girl sounded amazing. she was beautiful, had a great personality and was so caring, josh had mentioned. i could never compete with that. i felt jealous of her. of the type of person she was, mentally and physically. and on top of all of that, i was jealous of the fact that she was special to Josh.

Josh and i talked for the rest of the night and despite Josh having a new crush bothered me, i had a great time with him. even after i went back to my apartment and took a shower, i could still hear my phone ringing, with Josh still texting me about who knows what.

i went back to bed that day, back to my unhealthy cycle. i thought about the future, being scared about what's to come. worrying about things from my education, my dancing, and Josh. i stayed up all night yet again, letting time pass by without me even knowing it. this is how i let my mind wander and have its own sense of peace. this was the time i could finally think clearly.

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hey guys!!! this was quite a sucky chapter imo but if yall enjoyed it, please vote and comment! thank you again for all the support on my last chapter and i'll try my best to update soon!! much love - G