all night | josh beauchamp

[ eight ]

Jill's PoV

My whole afternoon was spent fooling and hanging around with Josh and it felt good to have let loose for once in a long time. I'm usually very uptight whenever it came to hanging out with friends during weekdays when i had classes, even if i was hanging out with Brandon, but somehow, someway, i felt otherwise when i go out with Josh.

I feel completely oblivious to the other things going on around me. I completely forget about the problems that usually stress me out. This is ironic as most of the problems that stressed me out a while back had to do with Josh and what he thought of me but now, he seems to be the only solution to my problems, or at least he makes me forget about them.

Believe me, i know it seems like i'm still head over heels for Josh but i honestly don't know what to think anymore. I continuously persuade myself that i'm probably just a confused teenager and that i was probably just nervous about my very first relationship with Brandon, although that may very well be true. The whole problem was that i seem to like the person i am when i'm with Josh rather than when i'm with Brandon. With Brandon, i'm still not openly comfortable with being who i really am by just laughing out loud like a freak. With Josh, i can laugh the night away, looking like a drunkard while not even giving a care about my insecurities anymore.

This was the thing that seemed to stand out to me the most. I didn't know that people could change you. I thought that you could only like the person you are when you're hanging out with someone because you got to be the real you, and not because they had the power to bring something new out of you that was positive and enlightening.

All in all, i do think that what i'm feeling for Josh had never gone away, or at least it did for a while when he had just started dating Faith. I guess that's why i started to be so comfortable around him. Because i finally persuaded myself that i completely had no chance with the guy and i convinced myself to be at peace with the fact that i had such a sweet and cute boyfriend, i was finally able to throw all my cares about being the girl that Josh would like. Things probably progressed from then on when i started to be more and more comfortable with his company when i could finally care less about my appearance or attitude and even see a part of myself that i never really knew existed.

Breaking out of my trance, i realised that i had been staring at the floor for the past couple of minutes, trying to figure out my own feelings. Jeez feelings can be such a bitch sometimes. I shifted and rolled over to the right portion of my bed, the cold and once empty surface immediately making an impact on my body temperature. Continuing to think about things and how spontaneous life is, a rare occasion in which i slowly drifted into a deep night's sleep, occured.