all night | josh beauchamp

[ three ]

i heard the apartment door open and looked up from my phone to see Daisy walking in our home, looking like an utter and complete mess.

"what the hell happened to you?"

i took a spoonful of cereal and put it in my mouth, waiting for her response. she leaned against the kitchen island and yawned before stretching her arms and finally answering me.

"i stayed over at Nat's yesterday and did NOT get any sleep. that girl snores like a fucking pig. anyway, where did you and lex head off to yesterday?" Daisy sat next to me by our small kitchen table.

"we just went to the Grove and MDC to take class after."

Daisy nodded her head before asking

"and was Josh there too?"

i suddenly felt my heart pounding out of my chest and decided against dodging the question. i never knew how to answer questions about him even if the questions were as simple as asking about his whereabouts. like why the fuck would you ask me?! you could have just asked Sean or Julian or anyone out of the 7 billion people on Earth but you just had to ask me.

"uhh, yeah actually, he was. why'd you ask?" i tried to say as casually as i could.

"because i've been meaning to meet up with him. have i ever told you that i may have a crush on him? the guy is smoking hot, no kidding."

i awkwardly said "oh ok" and continued eating my food while scrolling through instagram as i felt the insides of my stomach churn in jealousy.

"jill, i'm just kidding - " Daisy started laughing like a witch.

"- you should've just seen the look on your face when i called him hot. anyone who knows you well enough, definitely knows that you're clearly head over heals over the guy."

i laughed nervously and didn't know how to react so i dropped my spoon onto my bowl and began ranting.

"is it that obvious that i like him? oh my gosh, he probably knows how i feel too and he probably thinks that i'm a freak. maybe he's just telling me that he likes that Faith girl because he wants me to stay away from him. or maybe he just actually really likes her because she seems like such a great girl while i'm just a potato with - "

"hey hey hey, slow down."

" - funny superhero memes." i let out a deep breath before realising what i had just said. i started to laugh so hard that my abdomen was hurting. i was clenching my stomach while Daisy looked down at a crouching me, with a smile plastered to her face.

"you need to realise that you can make anyone smile just by being yourself and you need to stop seeing yourself as if you were a worthless piece of shit." Daisy reassuringly said to me and softly smiled while telling me that she was going to bed.

i looked at the time and saw that it was 12 pm in the afternoon. i laughed at the thought of Daisy getting her night sleep at this time and stared at the wall, opposite of me, while thinking about what Daisy had said. i absolutely hated it when people would tell me those things. it made me feel as if they were just saying that to make me feel better about myself and that they aren't sincere about whatever they say. don't get me wrong, i didn't have suicidal thoughts and i don't see myself as an unwanted person but i just never saw myself as this amazing person that all my friends told me that i was. and i was thankful for everything that i had but i never thought that i deserved them.

shaking my head off at the thought of the things weighing on my shoulders, i stood up from the floor and washed the bowl i had used earlier. i entered my room and decided to get ready to go to starbucks and maybe go grocery shopping.

-

i walked into target and made my way into starbucks. i could see the glorious green light of the brand's logo illuminating from the distance. woop, time to take in some unhealthy sugar.

as i walked towards the the small shop, i could see that the place was filled. i lined up to order my drink and took out my phone to start randomly scrolling through my photo gallery because i did not want to be awkwardly standing and just looking at other people. sometimes, i would even pretend to text my friends, when i was out in public alone, just to prevent people from thinking that i was socially awkward or had no ability in conversing with others.

i smiled at the boy standing behind the counter before ordering my drink. he asked for my name and wrote it down on the cup. i payed for my beverage and the boy moved his attention to the customer behind me. i waited for my drink and when my name was called, i immediately stood up from my seat.

i took a straw and pushed it into the hole of the cup when i noticed that my name had a heart next to it. i glanced up from my drink to look at the boy who took my order. he probably felt my gaze and scanned the shop before spotting me and smiling at me, while giving a thumbs up. cute.

i then exited starbucks to continue my day to run some errands, with the starbucks boy at the back of my mind.