Fixing You

chapter four

Shaun's POV

"Please don't be angry," Adam whimpered.

How could I not be angry? They'd done it again. Those low life scumbags made Adam feel scared, made him feel threatened. It made me sick that they took their homophobia out on Adam, but wouldn't dare approach me. This time, someone had written 'FAG' across Adam's locker. Why did Adam have to be the vulnerable one? Why should he have to put up with all this crap just because he wasn't 'popular'?

Oh, yeah, that's right. Because of me.

Adam didn't want people to know about us. He never wanted to come out to the school. Not because of the abuse he would get- Adam was already openly gay. No, it was because he was worried about me. He didn't want to risk my popularity by telling everyone I was gay, but I had convinced him otherwise. I was prepared for the insults that would be hurled at me. I didn't care, I just didn't want to have to hide Adam anymore.

So why did Adam have to suffer through everything I was supposed to go through? Every day, one of my ex-friends would cruelly mention something to Adam about how he turned me gay, or infected me, or brainwashed me. Basically, they were saying that I was a mindless drone who couldn't think for himself.

What pissed me off more than even the abuse itself was Adams reaction. He didn't seem in the least bit bothered. He spent his time trying to calm me down, and sometimes even went as far as defending the bastards. Usually I was able to refrain from shouting at Adam, but on that day I couldn't.

"How can I not be angry, Adam?" I hissed. "You're being harassed and you won't let anyone do anything about it!"

I instantly felt guilty when I saw Adam flinch at my harsh tone. I sighed and sat beside him on my bed, immediately pulling him close. I didn't want him to be scared of me. He had to know that I wouldn't hurt him, ever. Otherwise I would be just as bad as the homophobic pricks at school.

Adam was silent as he rested his head on my shoulder. I kissed the top of his head. "I'm sorry for getting mad at you," I murmured softly. "I just wish you'd let me do something about those jerks."

Adam pulled away to look in my eyes. "What good would it do, Shaun? You know they'll never stop. The only thing we can do is ignore them until we finally get out of school. Then we'll never have to see them again." I smiled as he perked up at this idea. "Oh my God, Shaun, we won't see them ever again!"

I didn't have the heart to remind him that homophobia didn't stay in the school yard. He was just so happy- but I couldn't let him distract me from what was important.

"Adam..." I began, watching him carefully. He pouted, knowing what was coming next. "You're right, it would be great if we could just ignore them. But they're BULLYING you, Adam. That's serious. If we just tell the principal or something, I'm sure-"

I was interrupted by Adam's snort. "Honestly, Shaun. What are you, five? We can't just TELL on them. The principal might be able to tone down everything in the school, sure, but outside-"

He cut himself off suddenly, and his eyes widened as he realised what he had revealed.

"Adam..." I said slowly.

"Uh oh. You're doing the calm thing. You're never calm when you do that voice. That voice means you're actually really angry..."

"Adam," I repeated. "I'm only going to ask this once. Have they done anything to you outside of school?"

His silence told me everything.

I stood up and paced up and down my bedroom. I could sense Adam watching me from the bed, trying to gauge exactly how angry I was.

But I was way past angry. I was infuriated.

"FUCK!" I roared, punching the wall. My hand throbbed. "YOU BASTARDS!" I punched the wall again, feeling some satisfaction when I felt the skin over my knuckles split.

I didn't realise I was shaking until Adam came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders, gently turning me around. He rested his forehead on mine. As his warm brown eyes bored into mine, I took a few deep breaths and my anger slowly evaporated. I grabbed him and pulled him even closer, hugging him tightly.

"Are you calm?" Adam eventually whispered, leaning back to gaze into my eyes once more.

I looked down and nodded, but that wasn't good enough for him. He roughly grabbed my chin and forced my head up so I had no choice but to look at him.

"Are you willing to talk everything through with me? WITHOUT throwing a tantrum and proving my point that you are a child?"

I cleared my throat. "Yeah."

Adam took my hand and guided me back towards the bed where we sat down. Adam never let go of my hand and began to rub my back soothingly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I whispered after a moment. I was his boyfriend- why had he kept something like this from me? I was hurt that he didn't want to confide in me. What else didn't I know?

"Because I knew you'd react like this. It's not such a big deal, Shaun-"

"Not a big deal?" I repeated incredulously. "Are you just trying to piss me off now? You can't be serious, Adam. Please, just let me do something about it." I was desperate now. I needed to end this harassment, but Adam wouldn't let me.

I looked at him pleadingly only to find his face completely open and honest. "Shaun, it doesn't matter to me. Really. So please don't let it bother you."

I sighed unhappily. Adam was constantly putting things off until later, whereas I preferred to confront the matter immediately. I knew that this bullying issue had to be eliminated soon, and although I wanted to just go and finish it, I managed to put it to the back of my mind, for Adam's sake.

"Alright," I said finally, smiling at my boyfriend.

"Alright?" he repeated, apparently surprised that I had given in this quickly. Usually I wouldn't drop it until we had properly discussed what happened, but it was Friday night and I just couldn't be bothered. "Alright! Yay! Thank you thank you thank you!" Adam dived on top of me, unintentionally knocking me right off the bed.

I landed with a hard thud on my back, Adam on top of me.

We looked at each other for a minute before bursting out laughing. Adam slipped off my chest to lie on the ground next to me, and I wrapped my arms around him. He laid his head on my chest.

"Thank you. Really," he whispered before closing his eyes and falling asleep. I chuckled to myself as I stroked his blond hair. The guy could literally fall asleep anywhere, and once he was asleep, it took a lot to wake him up.

After a while, I sat up slowly and gently carried Adam to my bed. I watched him for a moment before everything he had told me came rushing back and a wave of pure rage swept over me.

I grabbed my cell phone from where it lay on my desk and dialled Daniel's number; I needed to vent to someone and he was the only person who would listen.

I growled in frustration when he didn't pick up after several attempts to call him, and resorted to leaving him some furious voice messages. I had nobody else to talk to but Adam, and he didn't want to hear it.

I sat for a minute or two with my head in my hands as I contemplated what I should do. But everything I thought of, I knew Adam would forbid. I groaned before looking at him and then I came to a decision: Adam.

Adam was all that mattered. Once he was happy, I could deal with just about anything that came my way.

With my mind at ease for now, I let go of everything and crawled into bed with Adam. I fell asleep at last, holding the guy I loved.

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i love shaun haha !!!!!! do you???????

next update is on monday!!!!!!!! see you then

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