Start Again

Policy Of Truth

*Note: Honestly, I struggled with this chapter because it broke my heart to write it. I wasn't even sure if I really wanted to upload it, but here it is for anyone who is still reading my story*

"Blair, I've always been proud to say you're my sister. You've always been so beautiful and now the whole world can see it, you're on billboards and in magazines. I couldn't be more proud of you" Ig said and began coughing again. "Iggy, Iggy no" I said starting to cry. Ig let out a small chuckle. 

"Blair, it's okay. It'll be okay, you'll be okay" He said trying to calm me down. "Ig, no. I don't want to lose you again" I said as I choked back tears. Billy reached out and held my hand tightly.

"I know. I don't want you to lose me either" Ig jokingly said. I could hear the smirk in his voice. I let out a small laugh as Billy wiped the tears that were rolling down my cheeks. "I didn't even have the chance to be the eccentric gay uncle to your kids. Well, I guess you'll just have to get Boy George to replace me" Ig said laughing with me.

"I'm gonna miss you" I said quietly. Ig sighed before sniffling. "I know, but try not to Blair. I'm glad you and Billy aren't fighting anymore" He said trying to change the subject. I agreed with him and tried to not talk about the fact that my only brother was dying as we spoke.

"Give the phone back to Billy will you?" Ig asked. I held the phone out for Billy to take. He hesitated before grabbing it. Billy was quiet while on the phone with my brother, he spoke a few times but mostly just listened. He sniffled and turned away from me as he hung up the phone.

"Billy, are you alright?" I asked as he stayed still. Billy wiped his face with his forearm and took in a deep breath before he faced me. He gave me a small smile as he sat across from me on the bed and took my hands in his. I noticed his eyes were red as he quietly stared at me. "Say something, please. You're starting to scare me" I begged him as I held tightly onto his hands.

"Things are going to be different" Billy said before he let go of my hands and hugged me tighter than I remember him ever hugging me. "Is this because my brother is going to die or because you're going to be different?" I asked as I hugged Billy back.

"Both, probably" He replied before quickly kissing my forehead multiple times. "Oh bullshit" I was in mid-eye roll when I realized I said the words out loud instead of in my head. Billy sighed but otherwise kept quiet about my remark. He no doubt knew like I did that little would actually change. I wanted more than anything for Billy to change, to not cheat.

"I'm sorry" Billy quietly said. That was the end of talking about my brother or my relationship with Billy. I found out the next morning that Ig had passed away not long after our call had ended. He had asked me to not come to the funeral because he didn't want me seeing him in that "hideously unfashionable brown box." Instead he asked me to visit his grave on his birthday and wanted me to leave the most flamboyant bouquet of flowers.

My relationship with Billy had changed from us not talking to us somewhat being a couple. Billy still slept with other woman which led me to still seeing Richard. He and I never spoke of Billy. I had avoided the topic at all cost.

My relationship with Billy had developed an unspoken rule. If he was in New York, which he seemed to visit more and more often, he would show up at my apartment late at night unannounced. We would always go out to dinner together and he would stay with me, which of course meant we would have sex. The two relationships had never crossed paths until they collided one of the times Billy had shown up unannounced.

I had been out with Richard and we were coming back to my place, which we almost never did. I was afraid a situation like this would happen. When I opened the apartment door I was surprised to see that the lights were on. My stomach sunk into the bottom of my black stilettos knowing exactly what I was walking into, a situation that I couldn't rightly explain.

Billy's expression had changed from being glad I was back at my apartment to a mixture rage and possibly heartbreak. I was almost too shocked to react but had somehow manged to only say Billy's name and stand with my mouth open.

"Blair, what the hell is he doing here?" Billy asked through clenched teeth. He had in a way ignored anything between Richard and I, but the few times he questioned my relationship with him he had almost seemed jealous and enraged by any response I gave him. I took a deep breath preparing to answer him as Richard's grip on my waist tightened.

"We're just coming back from dinner and a few drinks" I replied trying to give away as little information as possible. "That doesn't answer my question" Billy said as he glared at Richard and I.

"Shit, Billy, what does it look like he's doing here?" I asked starting to get upset. Richard leaned over and placed a small kiss on my temple which he seemed to do only to spite Billy. The kiss seemed to anger Billy even more. "I think I'm the one who should be asking what you're doing here" Richard replied. Billy scoffed and opened his mouth to speak, but I didn't let him.

"Billy, don't. Your problem isn't with Richard, it's with me. I'll talk to you in a bit. Go take a fucking walk and let me try to save some of my dignity" I said trying not to yell at him as I pushed him out the door. Billy could be dealt with after, but I was afraid of what I would tell Richard. Now we were all alone. Richard stood in the middle of my apartment with his arms crossed patiently waiting for an explanation.

He seemed to be Billy's opposite in almost every way. Where Billy was hot tempered and quick to jump to judgment, Richard was understanding and had never raised his voice at me. Billy's eyes seemed to have a slight coldness to them while Richard's always seemed so gentle and filled with a sort of playfulness. His sweet brown eyes watched me as I struggled to begin.

"I've been occasionally seeing Billy when he's in New York......I guess that part is obvious now" I said and let out a nervous laugh. "It's obvious that you're still in love with him since you're still seeing him, so maybe we shouldn't see each other any more" Richard's words were like a shot to my chest and I was left speechless.

Yes I was still in love with Billy, that much had and would never change, but I had also started to develop deeper feelings for Richard. Maybe not love, but a sort of infatuation that could've easily turned into love. Richard stood in front of me and grabbed my chin between two fingers before titling my head up to look at him.

"I think I could've easily fallen in love with you" I confessed as Richard smiled down at me. "I think I was just beginning to fall in love with you" Richard replied. Tears were now threatening to fall down my cheeks.

Richard leaned down and gently brushed his lips over mine before kissing me. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he placed one of his hands on the small of my back as the other gripped my shoulder. I was afraid to let him go and honestly I didn't want him to leave. I pulled away from the kiss but Richard still held onto me.

"Goodbye, Blair" He quietly said. "Goodbye, Richard" I replied as my voice shook. He quickly pecked my forehead before walking away. I was now all alone in my quiet apartment with tears streaming down my cheeks. The only sound besides my quiet sobs came from the cars below my window.