Start Again

Little Runaway Girl

*Note: Guys I stayed up and wrote until five in the damn morning! But I'm not even mad about it, I'm actually really excited. Now I have two other chapters to publish in the next few days once I edit them. I'm back baby!*

I must've fallen asleep on the couch because I was startled when Billy came back into the apartment. I quickly wiped my still damp eyes and cheeks. Billy looked like he had cooled down from the initial upset.

"Are you crying?" Billy asked as I sniffled. I shook my head and choked down the lump in my throat. I didn't want to cry again. I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest as Billy sat down next to me. He reached out and gently brushed his fingers against the top of my hand.

"I don't know if I can forgive you for what happened" Billy quietly said. I pulled my hand away from his quickly. "But it's so easy for me to forgive you for sleeping with all those women" I harshly replied and moved further from Billy on the couch.

"It's not the same" He tried to explain, I scoffed. "You're right" I said and stood in front of him on the couch. "I slept with one guy, Billy, one fucking guy! And I really liked him so you had to come and fuck things up like you always do!" I yelled as Billy stood up. We were now face to face trying to stand our ground against one another. Billy raised his hand to hit me but stopped.

"Go ahead, fucking hit me like you always do!" I yelled as he froze. "Hit me!" I yelled and began to pound my fist against hit chest. "Blair, stop!" Billy yelled back and wrapped his arms around me so I couldn't hit him anymore. In that brief moment my anger at Billy turned into heartbreak. I began sobbing again, this time harder than before. Billy held me against his chest until my crying had almost stopped. He released me from his grip and instead held my face in his hands. 

"I'm sorry" I choked out between sobs. I had blown what he said way out of proportion. I could've just kept my mouth shut, but no I had to turn it into another fight. Billy shook his head and let out a chuckle. "We've been through a lot" He replied and caressed my cheek with his thumb. I hadn't thought of it until Billy had said it but we had been through a lot together. There were three deaths, four including the miscarriage, that we had to grieve over and we struggled to do so properly. Our grief had turned into anger, into rage, at one another. I think Billy and I began to pull away from one another even before we lost the baby.

"Billy" I said as I took his hands off my cheeks and held his hands in my own. He nodded for me to continue. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe we shouldn't be together? It seems like all we do is argue and fight now" I said as my heart felt like it would shatter. Billy laughed and pulled me back in his arms. I rested my head on his shoulder as Billy quickly kissed my forehead.

"We do argue and fight a lot, but if I had the choice to be with you and argue or without you and miserable...I would want to be with you and argue" Billy replied. Honestly, I couldn't choose which sounded worse. To be with someone you love and angry at them all the time, or to constantly be miserable without them.

"I don't think I can do this for very much longer, Billy. We're a couple in our early thirties, only we're not a couple. We just have casual sex with each other and we're in love. What part of that makes any sense?" I asked and sighed. "The part about being in love makes sense" Billy replied making me laugh.

We stood in silence for a while, both lost in our own thoughts and enjoying being in each other's company. Finally the silence was broken by an obnoxiously loud yawn from my own mouth. Billy laughed as he picked me up in his arms and plopped me down on the bed.

"You need sleep" He said and pushed my curls out of my face. Billy sweetly kissed my forehead and began to back away from me. I reached out and grabbed onto his belt buckle to pull him back to me. "Where are you going?" I asked him. Billy smirked down at me.

"Nowhere with you trying to pull my clothes off" He said being cheeky. I rolled my eyes trying to act annoyed and tried to hold back my laughter. "Are you staying or not?" I asked as I let go of his belt.

"I'll stay, but only because I know how much you want me to" Billy replied with a wink. "Shut up and get in bed" I said as I shook my head but couldn't hide my smile.

"Yes ma'am" He replied and kicked off his shoes. I pulled my dress off and tossed my shoes off the side of the bed. "This isn't an invitation to have sex" I said as Billy pulled his jacket and shirt off. His only response was a smirk as he moved closer to me.

"Billy, no" I warned him and held my hand out to stop him from coming any closer. He took my hand in his and began kissing down my arm. "Please, not tonight" I begged him. Billy gently pecked my lips before resting his forehead against mine.

"Okay" He quietly said and pulled away. I was surprised that Billy had stopped but was glad, I was exhausted after crying for what felt like hours. My sleep hadn't lasted long before the phone rang and scared me awake.  I let out an annoyed groan as I sat up in bed.

"Who the fuck could that be?" Billy asked as he also sat up. "How should I know? I don't know anyone that would be calling in the middle of the night" I complained before getting up and angrily pulling the phone to my ear.

"Blair, are you there?" The familiar voice of my agent's assistant asked. "Quinn, why are you calling me at...shit, two in the morning, are you kidding me?" I grumbled into the phone. I had been more in contact with Quinn than I had been with my agent, she apparently was too busy nowadays.

"I know, I know. I have good news though, if you're interested" He said drawing out his words. "Go for it" I replied as I rubbed my eyes and sat down on the floor.

"Two days from now, a photo shoot in London, three whole pages in vogue" Quinn explained. "Only three pages? You know I'll only do it if I'm on the cover" I jokingly said. He let out a laugh so painfully loud that I had to pull the phone away from my ear.

"You models are such divas. So that's a yes then?" Quinn asked. I bit my lip and looked towards the bed where Billy was. "Of course, I'll leave right away" I replied before hanging up. When I walked over to the bed Billy was squinting at me still half asleep.

"Who was it?" He asked. I kept quiet for a moment thinking about whether or not to say anything. What difference would it make to Billy if I was around him while he slept with other women? For all the cared I could be a million miles away as long as he had someone to fuck at the end of the day, right?

"No one, go back to sleep" I replied. I kissed Billy's head before running my fingers through his bleached hair. I quietly packed my duffel bag and left a note for Billy telling him only that I had left for a job in London and didn't know when I would be back.

It would be better for both of us if I spent some time far away from him. Billy could continue his sexual escapades and I could turn a blind eye to it from across the pond. It could also be a time to see how miserable I would eventually be without Billy.