The Savior's Throne

Chapter Twenty Four

I listen intently as Jumana tells me the story Arlo did not. She started off with how she roamed around for four years in search of a purpose to live and how she found it. "I was struggling to find a place to sleep and stumbled upon an old subway track in the Eastern Society. I walked through the tunnels and found solace in what I thought was darkness, but was actually a sanctuary made by a man named Paden.

"Paden was so inspiring and caring and lovable. When he saw me laying on the ground inside the tunnels, his first instinct should've been to kill me where I laid, but instead, he took me in. He introduced me to his friend Tulsa and they would constantly talk about these radical ideas. I thought that they were slightly insane for believing that they could change anything, but they're the type of people capable of doing and being anything. And when I found that out, I joined up with them immediately."

As she talks, I take note of how much she moves her hands, when her eyes light up and when they dim down. I watch her expressions carefully looking for any sign of deceit or phony emotions.

"You know of what became of their ideas, but getting there is the story no one's told you. I was eighteen when I fell over the moon in love with Paden. It took him a few years, but he eventually realized that he loved me in return. Our love story ended with him dead, leaving a child fatherless." Jumana takes a deep breath, pausing for anticipation.

"That child is Desmond."

My head flinches back in surprise. I stand quickly, dusting the dirt off my dress. Arlo is quick to join me, but instead of stomping away like I do, he plants his feet and grabs my arm. "I knew that if I told you, you would never agree to the meeting."

"Of course I wouldn't agree to come." I throw a hand out to Jumana, "She's Desmond's mother! Do you really expect me to put my faith in this woman and expect her to turn against her own son?" My voice is incredulous and I cannot believe Arlo would ever think that this was remotely possible.

Arlo widens his eyes and pleads with me, "Just hear her out, please."

"I'm not turning against my son, I'm saving him," Jumana calls out from behind me.

I turn around to face her and ask, "How are you saving him?"

"Ever since Desmond was little, all he wanted was to control everything. He felt like the only way for him to be of any use was for him to be in power. He pulled me down, his own mother, in order to become the leader of this revolution. Tulsa saw what happened between us and willingly stepped down herself. If Desmond has his own throne, he'll kill himself from never having enough control. The power will corrupt him to a point of no return and I just want to save him from ever reaching that point."

"So you saving him from himself?" I ask. Jumana nods and I see that she thinks I believe her and I do in a way. I understand the fear she has over her son, but that's the problem.

"You wish to save your son because you care for him. You will always care about him more than me and if he asks you to help him, I cannot take the risk that you'll bail on me and go to your son." I look at Jumana with regret, "I wish I could say everyone can be saved, but in my mind there are those who are doomed forever. I do not believe that Desmond can be saved, but you do-and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just that...he's your son and if killing me meant saving him, you would do it in a heartbeat." I take a second for that to settle in before finishing up. "I apologize, but I cannot allow for you to take the Western throne, not when your loyalty is split between me and your son."

I walk back to the palace, alone, with Arlo staying behind to talk with Jumana. I couldn't bear to look Arlo in the eye as I walked away from them. I know that his intentions are honorable, but his misguided loyalties have led him astray. Maybe Jumana would be fit for the throne, if only it weren't for her son.

Perhaps, I should go to Winn for advice about who should take the Western throne. He, too, has lived among the ungifted for far longer than I have. Speaking of Winn, I see his familiar face as he rounds the corner and goes straight into the palace. I pick up the skirts of my dress and increase my pace to catch up with him.

When I step into the palace, he is already some ways ahead of me, "Winn!" At my shout, he swiftly turns my way. A smile alights his face and despite the feeling in my stomach, I smile back.

I jog up to him and grab his arm, "Care to talk for a moment?" I ask. He nods and together, we walk to my bedroom. The first thing Winn asks when we get to my room is "How are you?" and that is my undoing.

Seeing as Winn is the only one here, I explode, with him as my witness, "What if this is all a mistake? What if we do all this and I get you killed in the process? What if Arlo dies or Nome? What if-I hate those two words. I cannot handle all this responsibility-it's why I didn't want to rule in the first place." Keeping all that in during our walk here was excruciating.

Having got that out now, I finally realize how foolish I sound. I silently reprimand myself for losing control and tell Winn I'm sorry. "I apologize for that; I don't know what's come of me." Instead of being scared or angry, Winn walks towards me with an understanding expression on his face.

He places two hands on my arms, "It's okay to freak out for a second, you deserve to. But, you're doing great so far. Plus, my death will never be your fault-"

I start to shake my head, but Winn keeps talking. "I agreed to join this cause, knowing the risks and so did Arlo. You are a natural born leader." His voice is so very convincing, but does he not realize how scared I am? Leaders aren't supposed to be this scared. I want to share this concern with him, but I'm a ruler now and rulers can't be weak. So, despite my whole body begging me to break down, I do the opposite. I pull myself together and nod to Winn like everything is alright.

"Thank you, Winn. I just needed to get all that out." He smiles and I know he believes me. "I have a meeting to go to," I tell him. "Can we meet up later?"

"Of course." Winn and I walk out of my room together, he walks to the left and I go straight ahead. The trials are coming up, so Desmond scheduled meeting after meeting to discuss the details. I've decided to have a jail built and the construction has just started, so it's nowhere near being finished. Considering that, we-I, have to figure out what to do with the prisoners in the meantime. Which is what this next meeting is all about.

I had asked palace workers what Sahil would do with the prisoners, but they had no idea. Apparently only a select few were allowed to partake in official business with dealing with those who break the laws. General Kai was one of them, Delmi was not. I had asked her, but she was just as clueless as I. I even tried to discuss the matter with Anahi, but she still refuses to talk to me. I've her walking around the palace halls a few times, but every time I go up to her, she runs the other way. I can't really blamer her though. My whole life, I've run from anything and everything. All I know right now is that I'm no longer running. I'm forcing myself to be who I have to be. I have to get things done and that's what I'm going to do, no matter how scared I feel. And I am scared. I'm scared. Perhaps, too scared.