Naruto Fan Fiction Rants, and Complaints

~Similes, Metaphors, and Comparisons~

Now here is one of the funniest and yet, most annoying thing when reading these fan fics... The similes, metaphors, and comparisons. Some are perfect, and others... Let's just ask them, did you really think before you wrote that? Here are some terrible Simile, metaphors, and comparisons you should try to avoid using.

1.) Metaphors:

Don't use "his lips danced on mine..." Or "His lips attacked me..." Or anything stupid like that!

Ok... So your saying it's like his lips grew legs and began dancing on yours? Did Orochimaru experiment on his lips and make them grow legs? I don't know about you, but I don't know if I would even like someone's lips to dance on mine. I mean seriously, it is one of the dumbest metaphors you can use! You just couldn't say, "he gave me a gentle and passionate kiss..."? I would prefer that than lips that should be on dancing with the stars.

Ok so not only can his lips dance, but they also sprouted arms for punching you too now! If I were him, I would stay away from Lord Oro. Plus, if his lips attacked you, wouldn't it hurt? I mean, if anything attacks it usually hurts. I also never heard of anyone attacking another person with kisses other than dogs like Akimaru. You could say he kissed me nonstop all over my face... Or other body parts I don't want to mention (and he shouldn't be kissing!). You could also say, "His lips were like a storm... Unpredictable and unexpected." It's just, if you are going to use metaphors, use good ones or describe what you mean, otherwise you are better off just describing the kiss.

And advice for any romance writers, don't get too descriptive when it starts getting very sexual. The last thing I want is to read a book full of sex... I'm alright if they kiss or make out, but sex is just going to far. If I were Sasuke or Naruto, I would run!

2.) Similes:

Don't use, "His lips were like heaven..." Or "His kiss was gentle like a breeze..."

How the hell do you know what heaven is like? Are you and god close friends? If so, can you tell him I said hi? Well my point is, what do you mean, "his lips were like heaven"? Were they perfect like heaven? Or perhaps you mean his lips were divine? I don't know. Maybe you even meant that the kiss was heavenly and wonderful? What I'm saying is, don't use similes that are hard to understand! Describe the simile more! Tell what you meant by that!!!

And for the other example, last time I checked, not all breezes are gentle. Some are cold, dry, and a pain in the ass. If you take out gentle, you could be describing the kiss as being the worst kiss you can imagine, or the most wonderful. Well anyways, you could of used a better simile such as, "His kiss was gentle like a light summer breeze."

Avoid, "I eat shit like you for breakfast!" Or any similes similar to that. Someone is bound to ask, "You eat shit for breakfast?" and the last thing you want is a smart ass. Avoid any similes that are anything like that. Instead call the person "shit" directly or simply call them "scum" like most people in Naruto do. Just don't say, "I eat shit like you..." You'd be better off saying, "You little shit!"

3.) comparisons:

Don't say, "His kiss was similar to eating ramen..." How the hell is a kiss anything like eating fricken ramen? If I were you, I wouldn't use any comparisons for a kiss. Nothing can compare to kiss unless it was bad like, "His kiss was similar to that of a slobbering dog!" Meaning it was terrible and he basically got spit all over my fricken mouth. However, If you wanted it to be positive you could say, "His kiss was similar to that of Prince Charming!" Although keep in mind, there aren't any princes in the Naruto world.

Don't say, "The pain was similar to agony..." Pain and agony are pretty much the same thing. "You could compare his pain to your agony like, "His pain was similar to my agony." Or "My pain was similar to a thousand years of agony." Don't make it confusing!!!