The Search

| Chapter 7 |

Pebblefall again awoke in the misty place, guilt from hurting Sandwhisker still firmly lodged in his stomach.

"What do you want with me now?" Pebblefall hissed at the black cat emerging from the mist.

This is all his fault! If only he had never visited me or Poolripple in the first place!

"Pebblefall, Sandwhisker will forgive you. You hurt him, yes, but we all have bad days." Ravenpaw paused with a dismissive flick of his tail. "But that's not why I'm here. Pebblefall, your only option is to become a medicine cat."

"But why?" Pebblefall spat. "I'll hide my feelings for Sandwhisker, I'll make sure no cat could doubt that there's nothing romantic between us! Just don't force me into being a medicine cat!"

Ravenpaw looked at him sadly. "You will never be able to hide your feelings completely. Love does not like to be hidden. What happens in a few seasons, when cats start expecting you to take a mate? What do you tell them to explain the fact that you don't have one? To explain the fact that you turned down a perfectly nice she-cat who was fond of you? They'll start to suspect."

Pebblefall hated how trapped he felt as he realized that Ravenpaw was right.

"But why couldn't I take a she-cat for a mate? Maybe I'll forget about my feelings for Sandwhisker!" Pebblefall protested.

Ravenpaw simply stared at him sadly.

Suddenly, it hit him.

"You- you don't mean that I'll never like she-cats?" When Ravenpaw didn't respond, Pebbblefall's voice rose an octave. "Are you- are you telling me that I- that I like toms?"

Ravenpaw nodded gravely, and Pebblefall's head reeled. Of course! That's why he felt the way he did for Sandwhisker. That's why he was so uncomfortable around Minnowstreak's flirting. Of course he had to do whatever it took to hide this from the Clan.

"I just-" Pebblefall paused, overcome by the emotion of his realization and what it meant. "I just love being a warrior so much!" he burst out, focusing on the less important matter.

"So did I," Ravenpaw said gravely. "But I had to leave my Clan when I was still an apprentice, which turned out to be better for me, in the end. Now I would never for all the world change my decision. You'll feel the same way, some day."

Doubtful, Pebblefall thought, but didn't voice it.

"So then I can never love Sandwhisker," Pebblefall realized with a pang. "A tom can't love another tom."

Ravenpaw's stare made him feel idiotic. "Did you forget about the feelings that caused of all this?" he asked, referring to Pebblefall's attraction to Sandwhisker.

"But a tom can't lov-"

"Of course he can," Ravenpaw interrupted with a snort. "I'll bring my mate along to meet you sometime," he added with a smile.

"Your mate?" What does his mate have to do with anything?

Ravenpaw sighed with exaggerated impatience. "My mate is a tom, Pebblefall."

Pebblefall's eyes widened. So then he and Sandwhisker could- ?

"But don't get your hopes up," Ravenpaw added, reading his expression. "There can't be a future for you and Sandwhisker. I'm sorry, but the Clan would never allow it. And since medicine cats can't take a mate anyways..."

"Oh, right." Pebblefall deflated. Of course there's no future for us, he thought bitterly, suddenly struggling to swallow around the lump in his throat. He had been foolish to hope for so much.