The Search

| Chapter 12 |

Pebblefall curled up somewhat contentedly in his nest; although Poolripple was still her usual, snappy self, her mood had been greatly improved by Mistrose's improved conditions as the evening wore on. Her wound was still clearly infected, but she was stable. Stable. That was more than Pebblefall could say for himself, he thought wryly.

Every which way he turned, he seemed to anger one of his mentors, either Poolripple or Ravenpaw. Every time he felt like he was doing something right, he ended up doing it wrong. Deep down, he knew what the problem was. He wasn't meant to be a medicine cat. He didn't have any special talents or special drive that led StarClan to choose him as a medicine cat; no, StarClan forced him into being a medicine cat only out of necessity. And maybe this could work out... If only he'd accept it. If he could accept that he was forever going to live the life of a healer, if he could accept that he wouldn't lead patrols or fight bravely in battles, and if he could accept, above all, that he would never be able to tell Sandwhisker how he felt, then maybe, just maybe, he'd be able to fall into the life a medicine cat with greater ease.

Oh, StarClan... Why can't I just love who I love?

Pebblefall awoke in the same misty place where he had last left Ravenpaw in anger, and shame burned his pelt at the memory. His mentor's black form materialized in front of him, shoulders tense with stress.

"Greetings, Pebblefall." The tom twitched his ears in welcome. "We have much to discuss, and I sense that you have many matters on your mind as well, yes?" Ravenpaw's knowing smile made Pebblefall wonder if the black tom somehow heard his rhetorical question to StarClan. But first, he had more practical matters on his mind.

"Why does this place look so different from StarClan? And why weren't you there to greet me at my ceremony?" Pebblefall asked, slightly hurt at the memory.

"I am, ah, not present on the main grounds of StarClan very often, which regretfully led to me missing your ceremony. As to why this area looks so different from StarClan's center, that's StarClan business."

Pebblefall snorted. Of course he didn't get a proper answer. "Is that why Featherdawn was so uptight the whole time?"

Surprisingly, Ravenpaw's ears drew back as if in annoyance. "Something like that," he said with a shake of his head. "We don't have much time and there is much left to discuss, so forgive me if I don't answer any more of your questions tonight."

Pebblefall cocked his head to the side. Since when was there a time limit on their meetings?

"As we speak, Spottedstar and Poolripple are being informed by StarClan of a quest to locate and retrieve goldenrod. The cat most fit to lead this quest, StarClan has decided, is you."

Pebblefall took a step back in shock. "Me? But I'm an awful medicine cat!"

"Oh, StarClan knows that," Ravenpaw said with a friendly smirk. "But what better way for you to adjust to the idea of being a medicine cat than for you to go on a harrowing quest that requires full use of your warrior skills?"

"As soon as you wake, you are to collect Sandwhisker, without waking or notifying any cat of your leave. Do not bother with prey or with traveling herbs. You can hunt on your way. Make sure you aren't followed."

"Why so secretive?" Pebblefall interrupted. Surely the whole clan should know of their departure?

Ignoring the younger cat, Ravenpaw plowed on with his instructions. "Travel until you reach the Horseplace. There, you will find a group of cats who will be willing enough to let you stay the night. Once there, I will visit you with more instructions." Pebblefall opened his mouth to protest that this was too much, that he needed to consult Poolripple, that he couldn't lead a quest on his own, but Ravenpaw was already fading away.