Snowdrop

Chapter 14

"Melia! Get up!" Someone shakes me awake.
I groan, not wanting to move, but I know almost immediately it's late in the day and I should have been up hours ago. Bailey's turning a makeshift spit over a fire, while Ember guts a rabbit beside me. Cella emerges from the trees with an armful of sticks.
"Morning, Melia," she says, grinning and tossing a couple of twigs onto the fire.
I sit up and rub the sleep from my eyes. "Good morning," I say, stifling a yawn.
"Glad you're awake, I'm honestly starving and Ember wouldn't let me eat until you got up." Bailey shoots a glare at him and he returns the gesture.
"You didn't have to." I stretch as Cella plops herself down with a sigh and Bailey starts pulling apart the meat.
It's good, hearty stuff that leaves fat dripping down our chins and grease streaking our fingers. All I can hear is the sizzle as fat drops into the fire and the satisfied sounds of my allies finally having a decent meal. When at last we're finished and the last rabbit bone is buried under a pile of snow, Ember wraps the second one in my plastic and we all sit back. I wipe my mouth on my sleeve and not for the first time I feel increasingly grubbier.
"This is why I love being in the livestock district," Cella says eventually. "There's no shortage of meat if you're well-off, but we've learned to utilise every part of an animal. We could even turn its pelt into a little hat for you, Melia." She reaches over and tweaks one of my plaits.
I smile awkwardly.
Then there's a laugh. It's far away, but our heads snap towards it. Another laugh, followed by hoots and cheers. Ember scrambles to his feet, kicking snow over the fire, which goes out with a sizzle.
"I could slice you into ribbons in a heartbeat, Blaze."
"I'd like to see you try!"
Ember doesn't even look as he grabs my arm and hauls me to my feet. He's already got his spear out, while Cella quickly counts her arrows and nocks one.
"It's the Careers..." Ember whispers, then he turns to Bailey and I. "You two run. We hold them off."
My blood turns to ice and it feels like someone's dumped a bucket of water over my head. "What? No!"
"Melia, please. You've got to go."
"No, I'm not losing you again! I'll stay, I can fight – I've proven that before!" I've latched onto his arm, tugging to get him to follow if I have to run. I'm not leaving him behind.
Bailey's hopping from foot to foot, anxious to leave. Cella cocks her head, her brows knitted. "Melia, honey, I know you don't want to leave him. I know you think you can help us fight and we appreciate the offer, of course we do. But we're bigger and stronger and Ember doesn't want you to get hurt."
She says it in such a patronising way, and I want to run at her, I want to shake her until she sees some sense, I want to scream that she's not my mother and I won't listen to her. But then Bailey pipes up.
"She's right, Mel. Come on. They're getting close," she says, her voice dull.
"No! I'm not going!" Tears spring from my eyes as Ember places his hands firmly on my shoulders.
"Melia. I love you. I'm so proud of you, you've been so brave these past few weeks. You have to go, okay?" he says, his voice cracking. "You've got to go so you don't get hurt. I promise I'll be fine. I promise." He leans forward, pressing our foreheads together. I squeeze my eyes shut in a hopeless effort to stop the tears sliding from beneath my eyelids.
"No. No, don't make me leave you here. Rouge will kill you!"
Even as I say it I hear the Careers. "What was – hey, look! There's someone over there!"
"Melia, go. Now." Ember's voice is so sharp and so sudden that I drop his arm and actually take a step back. He's never really snapped at me before...
Bailey tugs on my arm and I'm forced to follow her as she hurries away from the older two. I take one last look as we run. Cella's bow is raised, an arrow pulled back and every muscle clenched to the breaking point as she shifts her aim, anticipating where the Careers will attack. Ember has his spear in his hand, poised to slash or stab or throw, and that's when I notice his pack is missing. It was there just a moment ago when we were eating.
"Where's hi –"
"I've got his bag, look." Bailey slows enough so she can show me the bag looped over her arm, then speeds up again.
Just as the Careers crash through the trees, I hear Rouge call, "Oh, so the little girl runs away and leave Big Brother to do all the fighting for her. How sweet!"
Bailey drags me just a little bit faster. Because she knows, if we stay long enough to hear Rouge mock me further, I might just snap again and kill her or myself or both of us.
"He'll be fine, he'll be fine," she says repeatedly. "You know he wouldn't leave you out here alone."
The further we get away, the less I hear Rouge. But still, her jeering, her contemptuous laugh, penetrates my brain and I have to fight with every fibre of my being not to wrench myself from Bailey's grasp and fly at that smug girl from District One.
We've been running for a few minutes when Bailey finally stops and lets go of my arm. She doubles over, panting, sweat dripping down her face. "We – we can – stop... now..."
I lean against a tree and pull out my water bottle to take a swig of water. We won't have got very far, not even a kilometre, but my throat burns and my chest is tight. But I'm not focused on that. My brain is going a million miles a minute, thoughts flitting back and forth between Ember has to be okay, my family knows what's going on and I don't, and what if he dies? What happens then?
My head snaps up and my breath catches in my throat as the cannon fires. And it's Cella's muffled scream of "Ember!" that makes my blood run cold. I'm on my feet in an instant, already heading back towards the fight, but Bailey must anticipate my actions because her arms are around me like a vice.
I fight against her, screaming and thrashing, kicking at her shins, but she's always been bigger and stronger than me. "NO! Let me go! Let me go! I have to go back – I have to go back! Let – me – go!"
"No! Melia, stop it!" Despite her commanding voice, so unlike her cheerful self, I continue to struggle. My fist flies out and I feel it connect with her face. She yells but her hold on me just tightens.
"What the hell, Melia, cut it out! What would Ember think of you behaving like this? You're acting like a – ow!" My boot connects with her shin harder than I intended. "You're acting like a petulant child."
"Let go of me!"
"I'm not letting you go, because you'll just run straight back into the middle of the fighting and get yourself killed. Now calm the hell down and stop hitting me. They'll come back."
"But – the cannon –"
"Yes, I know." Her voice catches and her grip loosens slightly. She sighs. "Listen. We'll just wait here until Cella and Ember come find us. They won't be long."
I slide to the ground and draw my knees up to my chest, burying my face in my hands. It's all my fault if he's dead... I should have stayed and helped... Mother will be so disappointed in me.
Beside me Bailey wipes her nose on her sleeve, streaking the grey fabric with blood. I mumble an apology, but she just shrugs it off. She rummages in her pack for a wad of bandage or something to stop the blood. When she can't find anything, she just sniffs and holds her sleeve to her nose.
"What the hell happened? Did someone attack you?" Cella stumbles through the trees, dragging Ember along with her.
He's got an arm draped around her shoulders. His face is so pale he looks half-dead, and that's when I see the blood dripping from his hands into the snow and spreading across his torso. I scramble to my feet, screaming. "Oh my God, oh my God, Ember!"
As Bailey yanks open the packs and tosses bandages and ointments and pins onto the ground, I help guide Ember to the tree. He sits heavily, slumping back almost immediately.
Tears prick my eyes and I wipe them away hastily. I carefully unzip and pull off his jacket, revealing several large, deep slashes on his arms and chest. Behind me, Bailey curses.
Ember reaches up to ruffle my hair or pat my cheek or something, then his blood splatters my face. I cry out, jerking backwards. He barely seems aware of the situation. "Sorry," he mumbles vaguely, his brows furrowed.
"No – no, it's fine. Is there anything I can use to clean his wounds with?"
"I think I saw a pair of socks in your bag. Hang on, let me just check. Here!" A ball of fabric lands beside me and I unravel the socks.
A layer of sweat is beading up on Ember's lip. His eyes swim in and out of focus, and his expression changes between exhaustion and mild concern. I don't know how much blood he's lost, but he's not in a good way.
"Do you know how deep the cuts are on his chest?" I ask, my voice cracking.
Cella kneels beside me. "As far as I know, they're not as bad as the ones on his arms. Rouge's knife only skimmed his chest."
I nod, catching up a handful of snow. "Can you grab a bandage and apply pressure to them? Ember, this is going to hurt. You remember the cut on my arm? I need to clean these ones out just like you did with that."
He nods slowly, his eyes closed. "Mm-hmm."
I let a couple of drops melt through my hands onto the first, seemingly smallest, cut. He barely flinches until I drizzle more water onto his wounds. Then he starts violently, yelling. I quickly wipe it away with one of the socks. He shivers, drawing his knees up.
"I'm so sorry. Tell me it's stopped hurting." I want to cry, I want to run away and never come back, but I'm forced to sit as tears cut through the grime on my brother's face.
After a moment, he nods. "It's – it's all right now."
"I'll go a bit slower. Grab my foot if it hurts, I don't care." I shift so I've got one leg sticking out in front of me. This time it's a bit easier. I slowly rinse away the blood and dirt, and while Ember flinches each time I go back with the water, eventually he's used to it.
I carefully bandage his arms and tape it in place. As I do so, he watches my hands.
"When you go home, you should be a nurse."
"We don't have nurses in District Twelve." I don't even bother saying I probably won't get home, because he'll just argue. Besides, he's lost a lot of blood and is probably delirious.
"Fine, an apothecarist then. You'd still be good at it."
I shrug, wiping my hands on my trousers. My fingers are wrinkled, but I still have to clean his chest. I gently nudge Cella out of the way and lift off the cloth. She's right, these ones aren't so deep.
I hesitate. I can't patch him up through his clothes. It's stupid, there's barely any privacy at home, and the boys have no problems with stripping off their shirts when it's hot, but I feel uncomfortable at the thought of seeing Ember without his on. I push my discomfort aside. "Can you take off your shirt by yourself?"
Bailey whistles, and I reach out to hit her. "He's my brother! Or do you want to do this?"
She backs away, her hands raised defensively. "No way."
"Right, then shut up. Have you put ice on your face?"
"Yeah, I have. It'll be fine, just a bit sore." She shoots me a slightly reproachful look.
As Ember takes off his shirt, Cella – who doesn't seem to be averting her eyes at all – asks what happened. I zone out while Bailey retells my outburst and simply wipe away the dried blood with the last sock soaked in water. As I tape the last dressing in place with trembling fingers, Ember smiles softly. I can only hope the temperature of the water will help reduce the swelling. I honestly don't know.
I tuck his blanket up around his chin to try and stop him from shivering, and also so I can wash the clothes. Cella makes him swallow sleeping pills found at the bottom of the first-aid kit, and eventually his head lolls and he drifts off. I breathe a sigh of relief, scrubbing at the blood on my coat from his attempt to comfort me. When I've finally laid out the garments on my plastic poncho, Cella explains what happened with the Careers.
"They didn't attack right away," she says. "They waited, the pair from District One firing off insults at us. Rouge made a point at mocking you in particular, Melia. You must have heard some of the things she said about you. But then, when they finally did attack, it was awful. Rouge made sure she got Ember. I held off the others with my bow, but it was obvious they weren't going to kill us straight away. The boy from One – Blaze, I think he's called? – held Ember back while Rouge traced his face with her knife. I suppose at least she was polite, calling him a handsome boy with lovely grey eyes, but by that point we were both so angry. The moment he was let go he leapt at her and slashed her side. We were all kind of shocked, but then she lunged at him and that was it. I managed to kill the last one from Four. I could've got more of them, but by then Blaze decided Rouge was too badly hurt and Ember was done for. They ran off back in the direction of the Cornupia, and that's when I dragged Ember here."
I realise I'm actually shaking with rage. "I should have stayed and fought," I mutter. "Then she would have gone for me and Ember would be okay."
Cella tilts her head, looking a little frustrated. "Except it would be much worse because she likely would have killed you. Do you think Ember could live with himself if you died?"
I don't answer, because of course, she's right. As the day goes on, it gets warmer and our clothes eventually dry. Nobody else bothers us, and the death recap shows that only the girl from Four died. I wonder if Cella's killed anyone else, aside from the Career and the boy from Three.
I volunteer to take first watch. Bailey and Cella seem a little hesitant to let me stay up on my own, but I assure them that the Careers are injured and missing a member, and if Ember wakes up he can help keep watch.
When I'm certain they're asleep, I curl up beside Ember, exhausted. He starts, murmuring something, but then relaxes as I lean against his shoulder.
"I'm so sorry," I whisper, tears burning behind my eyes. "I'm so sorry."