You Changed Me

5. Thoughts. Desires. Self-Control?

Anti stayed with Ethan for a few days before he started getting restless. He'd enjoyed the calm atmosphere the blue-haired boy created in his small home, even the one day he wasn't home for a bit due to 'work'. He might even say he loved it, even though he didn't know how Ethan did it.

He spent most days doing... absolutely nothing. He would just comfortably sit, either alone or with Ethan, and they would talk or he would try to figure out this 'Tee-Vee' which held the magical... thing, called 'NetFlix'.

Right now he was curled up under the blankets in his couch-bed, his head somehow managed to get onto Ethan's shoulder, the aforementioned blue-haired man had taken to falling asleep on the couch with Anti, for what reason Anti was still unsure. He was fighting off sleep, a strange haze of I need to do something keeping him from fully falling into the warm embrace of sleep. He shifted a bit and sat up with bleary eyes. Ethan was asleep now, his blue hair falling in his eyes and his breaths soft and slow...

He sighed and let his Jack mirage fade away, his green and blue eyes flickering to the kitchen doorway, then back to Ethan. He could be quiet enough to do this... He crawled out of the makeshift bed, his eyes constantly on Ethan to make sure he was still asleep. He slowly walked back towards the kitchen, praying his mind was right and he wasn't about to walk into the shelf.

He sighed in relief as he saw the kitchen doorway pass by him, and took one last look at Ethan before turning around. His body practically shook, his pale arms reaching forward, his hands and bloody nails reaching for the knives nearby. He managed to grab two, a small carving knife and a large butcher knife. His eyes flicked between them, twitching slightly.

It felt so good to have a knife in his hand again... he smiled, his lips stretching thin over his teeth as his eyes flickered to the doorway. He could just... get it over with. He could stop all these useless emotions for good, get rid of them and leave. He could get some sleep. All he had to do was... let his instincts take over, just like every other time.

It's all he had to do.

Just let them take over... then he could leave. He wouldn't be attached to anything, he could just go. He could get back home, get back to Dark and the others and rip Darks big head off for leaving him with Astaroth and forcing him to jump here, forcing him to meet the blue-eyed beauty, forcing him to get attached! Though... if he ever admitted those last two he'd never live it down...

He let out a harsh sigh as he started to make his way back to the living room, the large knife in his hands. His eyes glinted as he got closer and closer, till he was hovering over the couch. He raised his knife over his head, preparing to bring it down, a sick smile on his face. But he paused, his eyes trailing over Ethan's face as the smaller boy shifted in his sleep. He swallowed, eyes closing as he tried again.

He couldn't will his hand to move when he heard a small noise from Ethan. His eyes opened again and he stared down at the blue-haired boy quietly, his hand, still squeezing the knife, lowering and falling to his side. He made a small frustrated noise and turned away, before turning back.

His chest rolled and screamed and hurt. He tried to will himself over to Ethan, to kill him. His mind flashed the picture of his finished creation, Ethan's body a bloody mangled mess on the couch. His stomach turned and he threw the knife in vain at the wall his mind chose to display the image upon. His body shook, his lungs tightening as he pushed himself against the far wall.

He couldn't do it.

He just couldn't do it.

He didn't know what was happening to him, he didn't understand. He gripped his head as he felt water coming from his eyes once more. He tried to calm his heartbeat and his breathing, only being successful after a long while. He sighed, tired from the effort, and curled up against the wall falling asleep quickly.

...

Ethan woke up alone, curled up on the couch, the space beside him empty. He blinked blearily, rubbing his eyes as he sat up with a small groan. The first thing he noticed was the evident lack of a warm body pressed against his own, a feeling he'd gladly gotten used to over the past week. He frowned and sat up, rubbing his bleary eyes.

He carefully scanned the room, for what he wasn't sure. There seemed to be a lingering air of danger, and yet he was also concerned for his green haired friend. it didn't help that he noticed a hole in his far wall that he's sure wasn't there before... Or maybe it was..? I can't tell in this old falling apart place. His shoulders relaxed when he heard a soft humming coming from the kitchen, and he lay down again.

That is, before he sat up in confusion and stared at the kitchen doorway. What on earth is Jack doing in the kitchen? He's never gone anywhere bear the kitchen without me there, afraid of overstepping or something...

He slowly climbed from off the couch and made his way to the kitchen. He paused, peeking around the doorway, and smiled.

Jack was there, making something at the stove. He was humming an unfamiliar yet beautiful tune, and the morning light coming in from the window was framing him just so, bouncing off his green hair and highlighting it, making his blue eyes shimmer. Ethan swallowed and shook his head pulling away from the door way and clenching his eyes shut.

Go away thoughts. He's probably straight anyway, and he's still a stranger in many ways too! You met him, like, a week ago!

...okay, just calm down. Take a deep breath and... ignore it? Yeah. Just ignore it.

With his mind made up, Ethan took another deep breath and went back to the kitchen. He couldn't help but stop in the doorway again, though this time he propped himself against the nearby counter and watched quietly as Jack cooked. It looked like basic eggs and bacon with some...

"Are those mashed potatoes?"

"Ack-! Wha- n-no- I mean- don't do that!" Jack sputtered and turned away, Ethan assumed he was trying to hide a blush or something. The blue haired man chuckled and made his way closer, patting Jacks back. The green haired man made a small embarrassed noise as Ethan moved forward.

He took it upon himself to finish the breakfast that Jack had started. Luckily, the eggs were the last thing and were mostly finished. He cast a glance over everything and started dishing it out upon two plates.

Jack seemed to have calmed down, and now sat against the counter watching him curiously. When he was done, Ethan picked up the two plates filled with bacon, eggs, and not-mashed-potato. Sitting down at the couch, motioning Jack over with his head, he placed the plates on his coffee table and waited.

"Bon appetite," he said with a dramatic wave of his hand, before pulling his plate over and eating some bacon. He ate a bit more before moving on to the 'not-mashed-potato'. He swallowed.

"Those are definitely potatoes."