Nascent | Paul Wesley [2]

4: Real Life.

ZOE

I let Paul's comment roll off my back as quick as it came. From the time I spent with him, he'd had an incessant need to have the last word. When I walked out on him that cold Winter morning a year ago, I'd had the last word. This was Paul's domineering personality peeking through; the one that had to end the argument. And even though his final response was one year too late, there was no doubt that he was finally feeling satisfied with the breakup now that he'd gotten his word in.

Despite Paul's effort to reminisce, I was in the same place I had been last year. I couldn't bring myself to speak to him, not now when everything in my life was finally returning to normal. I had brought myself out of the shell of depression I had curled into last year. Robert Aguirre-Sacasa had given me an unbelievable opportunity with Riverdale and I tossed all my pent up emotions aside to be the hardworking actress I prided myself on once again.

The ladder that would lead me to being back at top after a year long hiatus had a few more rungs in it than I anticipated. For one, I had grown comfortable not having to rely on social media that when my agent had told me that I'd be needing it again if I were to return to acting and expect success, my heart dropped. Secondly, those who I'd unexpectedly stopped speaking to after withdrawing myself from humanity made it known they were angry with me by screening my calls. While none of my The Vampire Diaries co-stars were bothered, those who I acted alongside in Teen Wolf and Captain America were less than impressed.

None of them had experienced the loss of an unborn child. None of them knew just how fragile the loss can make you. I began to fear relationships and distanced myself from going to places that would allow me to find another man to be with. I hated - loathed, even - hearing the classic "You'll be okay" or "Talk to me if you need anything".

How can you possibly talk to someone who doesn't understand pain like the one you've experienced? You can't describe the way you feel with mere words. People don't understand the way my gut twisted, chest burned and screams escaped from my lips after I had the miscarriage. All because of a stupid stunt that I felt inclined to perform myself.

Paul only made me angrier. The fire in my chest and the gaping hole left by the events of last year poured an immense pressure on my shoulders. And the only way I convinced myself to be happy was by believing that Paul was the reason we lost our baby.

He didn't tell me not to do the stunt despite being on set. He didn't take me to the hospital fast enough. He didn't do anything to stop the bleeding.

And for that I never wanted to see him. But was I being too harsh on him? Had it been unreasonable for me to cut all ties with him in a time when we should have held each other close and buried the past with us as we walked into the inevitable future?

Because even though I was so incredibly mad at Paul, I could never hate him. Paul lost a baby too.

And then we lost each other.

[Short chapter for you all on what Zoe's been going through. For all you Peter Parker/Tom Holland fans, check my GIF series and my Tom Holland fanfic. Comment and vote to let me know what you think of this chapter, guys!]