Howl at Midnight// Teen Wolf// Stiles Stilinski

VIII

I hadn't been able to shake Kate's words from the night before. She'd perceived me as some kind of threat, even more so she'd insinuated that I wasn't human. While I felt that was a stretch it meant that whatever was wrong with me was noticeable to other people. I had done a perfectly fine job of not overreacting for the last 24 hours but now that I was home alone my thoughts were running free. There was no Stiles to distract me, no Allison's aunt to focus on, no Jackson or Lydia because they currently could not be bothered with me. It was just me, in my bed eating Doritos and fighting the urge to wipe the dust onto my clothes. And I was very much not fine.

Despite my blissful ignorance, I had been trying to force myself to remember anything substantial about my childhood but besides the vacation home incident nothing was popping up. I exhaled a breath of frustration and then screamed into my pillow until my throat was sore. I had never realized how many gaps in my memory there were, and how different my life would be, if I could just remember. And who's fault was it in the first place that I forgot? I was getting to a point where taking my anxiety medicine and forgetting to remember seemed peaceful. Walking around and knowing there are core pieces to me out there was haunting. And then there was the question, what would remembering really do? Maybe it would bring me peace. Maybe it would answer all these questions I had about the changing eyes, the super hearing the teleporting. Or maybe it would confirm that I was just crazy or I'd done things I'm not proud of.

Did I really want to remember?

Yeah. I did.

My phone vibrated from next to me and I quickly grabbed it, happy for the distraction. Allison had invited me over again that morning but I needed a break from the Argent's. Allison might have been fun to be around, but her being around her family felt like sticking my head in a guillotine. Willingly. The screen flashed and I smiled.

Damien 9:10  Hey you alright

Me 9:10

Uh yeah y

Damien 9:10

Idk got a weird feeling that u were overwhelmed

Me 9:10

Im ok

The smile wiped from my face. Another unanswered question, another answer that I didn't know if I wanted. Damien was right, I was overwhelmed. But him knowing that just from a feeling didn't comfort me. In fact it made me feel skittish.

Kismet. Kismet. Kismet.

The word echoed in my skull, so I slapped my forehead until it dislodged itself.

Damien 9:12

It just got worse u sure ur good

Me 9:13

Yeah struggling w/ hw

Damien\ 9:13

Kk if u need help lmk princess, see u tmmr

Me 9:13

Night Damien

I let out another scream, this time with no pillow involved. Since the house was empty there was no brother to come running into my room to make sure I wasn't jumping out my window. Good thing because at that moment I was thinking about it. I stood suddenly, determined to put everything I had to confront off for one more night. What harm could ignoring my problems really do? I was going to go to the video store and rent the 2nd season of True Blood. Allison would be a little annoyed with me for continuing without her but I couldn't keep sitting here letting my mind yell at me to remember something that I couldn't. I wash the Dorito dust from my hands and quickly dress before running downstairs.