When Best Friends Kiss

The Kiss - Part 3

I stared at the sunlight peeking through my blinds with stinging eyes. Everything felt surreal, likely because not only had I pulled an all nighter after drinking alcohol, but I'd also outed myself to my best friend in the worst way possible. I was unbearably in love with Liam. But I was going to bury that in an attempt to stay his best friend. I grabbed my phone and texted him.

'Liam, sorry again about last night. Call me when you get the chace.'

I reread the message and realized I'd made a typo. Maybe now wasn't the best time for him to call. I changed my message.

'Liam, I'm sorry about last night. I'll stop by your house to apologize in person when I'm feeling better. I love you.'

Letting out a crazed laugh, I deleted the last sentence, sent the message, then threw my phone across the room.
After grabbing my pillow, I screamed into it and bit back the tears. The night before, I had decided I'd fix this. Alex, don't fuck up now, I chanted to myself over and over. Everything was going to be okay.

He didn't reply.

A week passed before I went to Liam's house. I had a script written in my head: 'Liam, I am gay. You don't need to worry; I'm not interested in you. I only kissed you because I was drunk. Will you still be my best friend, my brother, and stand by me like always?'

Who could resist that? Liam wasn't prejudiced and I'd only kept it a secret from him because I didn't want him to make a big deal about me in the protective, caring way he always did. I just wanted to be gay in peace.

I rang the doorbell. Mrs. Santos had installed one that played a little tune. I used to get so excited as a kid when footsteps began to patter by the 4th beat.

The door opened and there was Mrs. Santos with Lily trailing behind her in a walker. I gave Lily a painted-on smile and waved.

"Hey, Alex?" Mrs. Santos gazed at me with curious eyes. "What brings you here?"

"I wanted to see Liam."

She tilted her head and replied slowly, "He's not home... Said he was hanging out with Jeremy?"

What the hell? There was no way he was playing video games, knowing I was freaking out over this with guilt. "Oh. Thanks," I mumbled out.

"Do you want me to call him? I'm sure he'll come over if I tell him you're waiting."

"No, thanks, Mrs. Santos. I'll just go over to Jeremy's." He wasn't telling Jeremy what happened, right?

As I walked down the street back to my house, I realized once again that I'd fucked up so badly. How could I apologize and explain everything if I couldn't even meet with him? I texted Jeremy to find out where they were and stared dumbfounded at the reply.

Jeremy: 'I'm not with Liam tho?'

Was Jeremy lying? Did Liam tell him what had happened? Or had Liam lied to his mom?

Riddled with anxiety, I waited a day and then sent Liam another text: 'Hey, I have something important to tell you. Can we meet?'

Still, no reply. Not to my texts. Not to my calls. Jeremy and Kareem claimed they didn't know what was up either, but he was replying to their texts. When I came knocking on Liam's door again, his mom looked at me sadly. "Alex, just give him some time, okay, honey?"

I looked at her blankly. Time for what? Had he even told her what happened? She patted me on the shoulder, and I figured if she did know, at least she didn't hate me. "Okay, just, uh... tell him I said I'm sorry." She nodded and I turned around as she closed the door, the sound of the latch simultaneous to the sound of another crack forming in my heart.