The McEllis Boys

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Chapter Thirty-Eight

After Nicole had packed them something to eat and gotten a blanket and a warm shirt for each of them to wear, they started off down the mountain trail on the horses, which Cavanaugh had had saddled and ready.

They rode in silence. Cavanaugh wasn't sure how to start the conversation and Nicole was still trying to digest everything she had overheard him say to Gemini.

"Right here should be good," Cavanaugh said as they rode into a clearing with a stream running through the center. They hitched the horses beneath some pines and then made their way to a large oak beside the water. Nicole spread out a blanket for them to sit on and then opened the cooler she had packed and pulled out an apple for each of them.

"Thank you," Cavanaugh said as he pulled out his knife and cut off a slice. Nicole took a bite of her own and stared into the water, watching a group of minnows dart about as she waited for him to speak.

"I haven't been very fair to you," Cavanaugh finally said.

Nicole glanced over at him and saw that he was looking off into the distance, his knife and apple both resting in one hand as he pulled his hat off and tossed it aside with the other. Nicole didn't say anything because she didn't know what he wanted her to say.

Cavanaugh picked at a blade of grass, still looking away from her, "I figured the way we were was okay because it worked for me and the worst part was that I knew that it was hurting you but chose to ignore that fact."

"Cavanaugh, you were honest with me from the beginning about not being able to really love me...."

"That's just it!" Cavanaugh exclaimed as he sat his apple and knife down and moved closer on the blanket. "I wasn't honest, because if I'd been honest with you, or with myself, then I would have told you that I have loved you nearly as long as I've known you."

"You have?" Nicole whispered as tears filled her eyes. Cavanaugh nodded as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap. Nicole was amazed that she had finally found a man who made her feel almost petite.

"Yes," he admitted. "You are everything that I never realized I wanted. Everything I never realized I needed. I didn't know that love could feel this way, that a relationship could be this way. You are my friend, my lover and all I want. I'm not big on words but I'm gonna try because I want you to know this...."

Nicole nodded as she fought back her tears and laid her head against his heart. Finally, after so much pain at his refusal to love her back he was telling her that he did indeed love her. That he had loved her all along.

"You heard everything I said to Gemini and I meant it all. Leah was my first love but she wasn't my great love. My great love is you. When I lost her and I lost our children, I also lost myself. But I carried on because that's what a cowboy does. When I woke up in your spare bedroom, I hadn't been happy in so long that I had forgotten what it felt like to be happy. Then I heard this voice singing about cowboys taking her away and I was about to open the door when an angel threw it open. I was trying to figure out what I was feeling as I looked at her when she shot bleach in my eyes...." He smiled at this memory.

Nicole grinned sheepishly, "Sorry about that."

"I'm just glad you didn't have a gun on your side, I probably would have died." He replied with a shrug.

"What do you mean you were trying to figure out what you were feeling when you looked at me?"

"I had never been a passionate man. Leah and I weren't passionate. We made love, obviously, but it was always more because we were supposed to than because we had to if you know what I mean..." Nicole nodded, she knew what he meant.